Just The Way You Are
by Ellivia22
Summary: It's the same old story: Beast Boy pushes Raven too far, Raven hurts Beast Boy and has to apologize. But what if her apology doesn't make a difference this time? Instead Beast Boy changes into a completely different person. How will the Titans react to this change? What happens when Raven starts to miss the old Beast Boy? Will feelings finally be admitted? BBxRae COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

A/N: Hey guys! I wasn't expecting to be writing another story so soon, but am pleasantly surprised when this idea came to my mind. I really hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think so far. I'd greatly appreciate it. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans Season 5 would've been different. It's my least favorite season, to be honest.

**Just The Way You Are**

** By: Ellivia22**

** Prologue**

** Beast Boy**

"I'm sorry, Beast Boy. I know this must be hard on you, but I have made my decision."

The screen on the floating TV goes black. The TV then lands on the ground. I lose all feeling in my legs. I collapse onto my bottom bunk, my head buried in my hands. I can't stop shaking, either from devastation or anger.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

Despite my mental mantra the tears flow fast from my eyes anyway. Since it's almost 3 in the morning I do my best to keep my sobs at a minimum. I'm 18 years old and here I am sobbing. Pathetic. Yet I can't seem to help it. I haven't felt this amount of loss in my heart since my parents died.

It takes a long while before I am able to calm down. I clutch onto my chest, struggling to breathe. The pain is so bright that the one simple action is nearly impossible. How could Mento do this to me? He is like a father to me, despite always being tough on me. And after everything I did to help the Doom Patrol defeat the Brotherhood of Evil two years ago this is how he's going to treat me? I never thought that he could be that cruel.

I suck in a breath and wipe my face. It stings as if I had been slapped. I've got to pull it together and force the pain down. It's what I've had to do for so long. It's the only way I am able to put my mask on. A mask as the idiotic joker of the Teen Titans, or rather Titans as we are now called. I long for my teammates, the world, to see the real me, but I can't. Someone has to be the positive member on the team. Someone has to keep the morale up. I am that person, even if I'm constantly breaking on the inside.

I leave my room. I make my way to the kitchen, trusting on my night vision to navigate in the dark. There is only one thing that can cheer me up now. I pull out a teacup from the cabinet and a packet of lavender flavored tea. Then I place a pot of water on the stove to boil. If Raven found out that I was drinking her tea I'd be disintegrated into ash in a matter of seconds. So far I've been doing it for over a year and haven't been caught yet. Drinking her tea makes me feel close to her and calms me in a way no one else can.

I sit at the table a few minutes later with my newly brewed tea. Before I can take a sip I feel my emotions fall apart once more. My head falls into my arms on the table. I can't believe that I'm never going to see her again. Worst part of all this, I never got to say goodbye. Just like when I lost my parents.

I try to think of happy memories of growing up with Rita as a surrogate mother while I was on the Doom Patrol: all the times she stood up for me when Mento was being too hard on me, when she helped me understand my powers better. And how she was a brave hero and wonderful person. This doesn't make me feel better. In fact I feel the exact opposite.

"I'll never forget you." I mumble in my arms.

I can't think about this anymore, otherwise I'll never get it together. I need to think about something more positive.

The mysterious empath enters my mind once I finally take a sip of my surprisingly still warm tea. My chest no longer feels so tight. I've had a crush on Raven ever since we met and have been in love with her since I ventured into her mind. Knowing that there is more to her than what meets the eye makes me feel like we're more alike on the inside. She keeps getting more beautiful as the years pass by too. I love how she's keeping her violet hair longer now, almost to the middle of her back. I've tried so hard to get her out of her shell, but she always pushes me away.

I gulp down the last bit of my tea then rinse the cup and put it back in the cupboard as if nothing had happened. I do the same with the teapot. I feel almost back to normal. It is much easier to force the pain down. Now the only way to keep the pain down this time is by trying my hardest to get Raven to smile at me at last.

_Yeah. If you like sunshine. And the beach._

_ You know, you're kinda funny_

That laugh, that sweet melodic sound warms my heart every time I think of that memory. I long to hear that laugh, to see that smile only for me.

Once I crawl back into bed I am more determined than ever. Nothing is going to stop me this time-even if she throws me in another dimension again. I'm going to make her smile even if it kills me. My heart and soul depends on it.

** Raven**

When my eyes snap open I realize that it's still the middle of the night. It's not from a nightmare or nature calling that woke me. Instead I'm overwhelmed with an intense sadness. Sadness so strong it's like my heart is literally breaking.

I hastily wipe the tears that are stained on my cheeks as I sit up. I sigh sadly. One of my teammates must've had a nightmare again. A really terrible one this time. Unfortunately it's a common theme in the tower. I recall several times that I've had to comfort Nightwing, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and even occasionally Starfire during moments like these. That might seem unlike me, but just because I can't show emotion doesn't mean I can't be there for my friends. I wonder who it is this time.

I throw my cloak on. It looks like sleep is going to be out of the question. I decide to make a cup of tea then go help whoever it is that had the nightmare. Plus a cup of tea is the perfect remedy to lull me back to sleep.

I stop dead in my tracks. My eyes bulge out of my head when I see Beast Boy walking to the kitchen table. In his hands is one of my tea cups.

_How dare he touch my tea cups! If he's drinking soy milk out of it I'm going to kill him._

A sweet smell of lavender enters my nostrils. He's drinking my tea. My personal favorite- one that I'm running low on. That explains why it seems like I'm always running out faster than usual. I wonder how long he's been doing this. I never knew that he liked the stuff.

I warm my hands, preparing to send Beast Boy into another dimension. Then it occurs to me that I found the person who had woken me from a dreamless sleep. Painful vibes are emitting from his body. He is absolutely crushed. Something big happened and I have feeling that it has nothing to do with a nightmare.

Before he takes a sip of the tea however, Beast Boy puts his arms on the table and buries his head in them. Quiet sobs escape him, making his shoulders shake. I struggle to keep my own tears back. It's difficult to do. I can feel his pain-pain so intense it's as if his heart has been shattered. It's like he's a totally different person. True I've seen Beast Boy serious in several different occasions, but something is different this time. I feel like I'm seeing the real him for the first time ever. His walls are down. No longer is he the green joker of the group, but a truly broken soul. He's more like me than I originally thought.

I summon my courage. Not only am I not going to kill him for touching my stuff, I'm going to try my best to be understanding and maybe even affectionate. Truth is, I've had feelings for Beast Boy for a while. My attraction for him continues to grow every day, especially now that he's taller than me and has more muscle definition. He's not the scrawny boy I met years ago. Even though he's older now he still has his terrible sense of humor, which I secretly adore. I pull my hood down. I'm not going to exactly tell him that I really like him, but at least hold him in my arms and let him know that everything is going to be all right.

"I'll never forget you. " Beast Boy mumbles in his arms.

His words bring me crashing fast back into reality. I should've known. Today marks two years since Terra told him to leave her alone. That explains the heartbreak he's feeling, the sadness. The fact that he's still hung up on Terra is the exact reason why I never told Beast Boy how I feel about him. I know that I'll never be like her and that's the type of girl he wants: blonde, outgoing, someone who can freely laugh at his jokes. I know I shouldn't assume that's why he's upset, but what else could it be?

I decide against going to comfort him. I'll just be subjecting myself to my own pain. Before I leave the kitchen though I silently use my magic to warm up the now cold tea cup. Then I go to bed, hoping that things will be normal once the sun rises.

**To Be continued...Please review :)**


	2. Part I

A/N: Thank you guys SO much for your reviews! I'm so glad you like my story so far. I love you all! ~Ellivia22~

Disclaimer: if I owned Teen Titans Beast Boy and Raven would've had more moments in season 5.

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part I**

** Beast Boy**

The morning alarm clock rings a lot sooner than I want to. I haven't been sleeping well since Mento contacted me last week. Not only that I've been getting up even earlier than usual. The only reason I've been waking up so early is so that I can be close to Raven. I've been working all week on the mission to get Raven to smile. I've tried several new joke routines that I've been practicing, asking her to come with me to the comic book convention that happened over the weekend, (and as a compromise visit her depressing cafe afterward), I even asked her if I could meditate with her. She rejected me every time. I don't let that deter me from my goal.

Thirty minutes before battle practice I stand in front of Raven's room a tray in my hand. On the tray is oatmeal, buttered toast, and a cup of her favorite tea. "Good morning Raven," I say cheerfully, knocking on her door. "It's a beautiful day."

I hear an irritated sigh from the other side of the door "Beast Boy, go away."

"But Raven," I protest. "I made you breakfast. You need your strength before prac-."

"NO!"

The door opens just enough for black aura to come out, hitting me in the stomach. The force is strong enough to send me hard against the wall. The tray I had been holding lands in my lap, spilling the contents everywhere.

I sigh, cleaning up the mess back into the tray. Then after taking the ruined breakfast to the kitchen I head towards the shower. Loving Raven is never easy, but I refuse to give up. I have many more tricks up my sleeve.

**BBRae**

Today is an unusually hot and humid day in Jump City. And of course on the hottest day of the summer Nightwing is having us on the training course instead of lifting weights inside. I wipe the sweat off my forehead-not that it does much. Being out here brings flashes of when I was growing up in Africa and the hot, humid summers there. I force myself to think about something besides my childhood. I don't want to relive it.

"BOOYAH!" Cyborg cheers triumphantly, pumping his fist in the air. One minute and thirty seconds is flashing on the clock that is displayed on the front of the control panel where Nightwing is managing the controls. Looks like Cyborg broke the all time record-not counting when he was equipped with the Maximum 7 chip. I grin in determination. Not for long. I plan to break the record and impress Raven in the process.

Nightwing presses a button and the obstacle course resets. "All right, Raven. It's your turn."

Raven glides past me without looking in my direction. For once I'm glad. She won't see the blush that appears on my cheeks. I watch mesmerized as Raven rises in the air, using her black aura like a circular surfboard. She glides smoothly between the steel columns that are rising from the ground. She projects a black shield to protect herself from laser cannons which are shooting beams at her.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos." She hits the black panels in the middle with her powers, causing them to fall the ground before a section of it could release, acting like a guillotine. The lightning of her aura keeps going and knocks out the rocks that appear, shooting discs in her direction.

"Woohoo!" I cheer, jumping up and down. "Go Raven!"

Finally Raven shoots individual aura at the red targets close to the finish line. Her aim is so perfect it hits he targets right on the bullseye.

Once she reaches the finish line, she lands gracefully on the ground. A huge grin is spread across my face. Not only did she perform flawlessly, she beat Cyborg's time by 15 seconds. I'm so infatuated that I feel normal again.

"All right, Beast Boy," Nightwing says. "You're up."

I fall into a ready stance. I'm going to impress Raven. I'm going to beat the all time record. I can do this!

3...2...1 GO!

The buzzer goes off. I turn into a cheetah and run as fast as I can, my cat body weaving easily between the columns as they appear. Then I turn into a tiny hummingbird so that I can easily avoid the lasers heading my direction. Next I turn into a rhino and ram into each panel quickly before the guillotine has a chance to release. Out of the corner of my eye I see 30 seconds on the clock. I grin to myself. Now to show Raven and the others what I'm capable of. I turn into a gorilla. I slam each rock cannon easily with my large green fist. I grin cheekily at Raven and give her a wink.

**BAM!**

A rock that I apparently missed shoots a disc into my back. The impact is so fast it sends me 30 yards off the course. I land hard on the ground with a thud. I change back into myself. "Ugh," I groan, rubbing my head. _Don't worry _I tell myself reassuringly. _You still have plenty of time_.

What's this? Next to my left hand is a pretty flower, growing next to a rock. The petals are white. A daisy. It's weird finding flowers on this desert-like terrain.

"Beast Boy get a move on!" Nightwing yells.

Quickly I pluck the flower. Then I turn into a bird and fly back to the course. Once I'm close enough I turn into a dinosaur and land on the ground, hitting every red target with my massive tail. I turn back into myself when every last target is destroyed, the flower tucked safely in my pocket.

My heart sinks when I look at the timer. 3 minutes-the longest than anyone. I watch Nightwing shake his head in disappointment. I swallow hard. Mento was right all along. I'm still a failure. I always will be.

I force a broad grin. I walk over to Raven who is standing by Starfire, Cyborg, and Nightwing at the control panel. The other three Titans look just as disappointed as Nightwing. "Here Rae,. I found this for you."

Raven takes the flower. I wait hopefully for any hint of a smile from under her hood. Instead I receive the opposite. "I'd be more impressed if you actually finished the course on time."

I give her a sheepish grin though her words are like like sharp daggers, cutting me deep on the inside. Worst part of all-she's totally right. I rub the back of my neck. "Heh I guess I'll try harder next time."

"Come on B," Cyborg says, grabbing me by the back of my uniform. "The Clash of the Planets marathon starts in thirty minutes."

I allow Cyborg to drag me back to the tower, leaving part of my bruised heart behind.

**Raven**

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," I chant softly. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

I've been trying to meditate ever since battle practice, but it's been more trouble to stabilize my emotions. All they can do is talk about Beast Boy. It's seriously starting to get on my nerves. Subconsciously I twirl the flower he gave me in my hands. I can't seem to let go of it.

'_Awwwww he's soooo sweeet_ ' Affection squeals, hugging her photo of Beast Boy to her chest.

'**_Sweet, sure but MAN is he annoying,' Rude grumbles. 'I mean he interrupted the best part in our book this morning.'_**

_'He was just being nice,' Affection says defensively. "He brought us breakfast. But YOU zapped him away!'_

**_'That wasn't me, that was Rage," Rude glares at the red cloaked Raven. 'But can you blame her? Beast Boy's been bugging us relentlessly all week!'_**

_'And it has been a great week!" Happy says enthusiastically. "I just LOVE his jokes! He must be practicing new material.'_

**'If I hear one more joke from that great mutant I'll crush his brains. If he has any!' Rage thunders. **

_'You'll hurt BB over my dead body!" Brave interjects boldly._

**_'_That can be arranged," Rage counters, glaring daggers at the dark green emotion. **

"Shut up!" I shriek, clutching onto my head. The candles in my room levitate from the floor in black aura.

_'__Why does he have to tease us?" Timid asks sadly after a very short silence. 'We all know he doesn't like us. All he cares about...is her." Tears fall from her cheeks rapidly _

_ '_**_You don't know that he he still has feelings for Terra," Logic says. 'He could've been upset over anything. Perhaps he did have a nightmare-which had nothing to do with her.'_**

_'__Why would he want us? We're nothing like her. We can't make him happy like she did. Face it,' Timid moans. 'He will never like us.'_

Finally all my emotions are silent. "About time," I mumble wearily. I was starting to get a headache. I throw on my cloak. Now that things have settled down I can go to the common room and relax for a while. Maybe now I can actually finish the book I started earlier this week. Red flashes in my room. Titan's alarm. I sigh. _Or maybe not. _

_**RaeBB**_

The scene of today's mission is at Jump City Mall. Unfortunately the freeze machine that the Brotherhood of Evil used two years ago only froze its victims for a period of time. While most of the villains are still in jail, some were able to break out and cause trouble in Jump City once more. The villains we're facing at this moment is the H.I.V.E., which today only consists of Mammoth, Gizmo, two Billy Numerous', and See-More. When we arrive they are in the middle of trying to take all of the stereo systems, TV's, and computers out of the popular electronics store "Best Circuit" I try to not worry so much. This should be an easy fight. I pull up my hood.

_Don't lose control._

"You guys should trust in a glue salesperson," Beast Boy quips from beside me. "They tend to stick to their word."

All four Titans plus the H.I.V.E. Members groan from the terrible pun. I hear laughter in my head. I can see Happy in my head giggling in delight. I inwardly groan. She finds any joke he says amusing. "Titans Go!" Nightwing yells.

We split up to take down our enemy. Cyborg and Mammoth battle each other in a fight about who's the strongest. Nightwing and Starfire work together to defeat the two Billy Numerous'. I am on my way to fight Gizmo when I'm stopped by See-More.

"Well, well if it isn't the emo Titan. You know, I always wanted to see what your body looks like." He changes his large eyeball from white to black-his x ray vision power.

**_'He did NOT just do that' Rage booms furiously in my head. 'I'm going to crush every bone in his-.'_**

A furious growl echos through the store. Before I can move a huge green beast grabs See-More roughly. He slams the on eyed villain hard into the wall. The beast roars loudly in the villain's face. Then he lands another hard blow into See-More's stomach, sending him through several walls. I'm stunned. Beast Boy hasn't let the Beast out in a long time. Why now?

The Beast is about to inflict more damage when he is blasted by Gizmo's laser. Once he hits the wall Beast Boy turns back into himself. He runs after See-More in the form of a large bear. I, however, find that I can't move.

**'How dare he take that shot from me!' Rage booms. 'I wanted to crush the little weasel!'**

** _'That was so brave. Go BB!' Brave cheers._**

_ 'My hero' Affection swoons._

Random objects in the store start levitating in black aura. _Shut up! _ I tell them furiously. I use the floating objects as weapons towards the H.I.V.E. I throw a cash register at Gizmo, who is trying to stuff overpriced CD's into his small back pack. I miss him by several inches. I grit my teeth in frustration. I can do this!

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I make another attempt to send more objects towers Gizmo, finally managing to knock him off balance with a shelf. Before he can recover from the shock, Nightwing grabs the backpack off of Gizmo and holds onto him firmly. The battle is finally over. Cyborg is grinning over a knocked out Mammoth, Starfire has both Billy Numerous' by starbolt-point. And See-More is off to the side with his hands up, staring fearfully at a glaring Beast Boy.

"Great job team." Nightwing hands off Gizmo to the white uniformed police officers who just arrived at the scene. He turns to me, throwing Gizmo's small backpack over his shoulder of his blue and black uniform. His short dark hair is sweaty from the battle. "Raven are you okay? You don't seem like yourself today."

"I'm fine," I answer in my usual monotone. Objects start levitating again, giving away the fact that I'm not. "I-I've got to go meditate." Before Nightwing or any of the others can say anything I teleport back to the tower, determined to get my emotions under control once and for all.

** Beast Boy**

The tower is quiet now that it's later in the night. Nightwing and Starfire are out on a date. Raven has been in her room since the battle with the H.I.V.E. She didn't even show up for dinner. The longer she stays in her room, the more concerned I feel. Her emotions were all over the place during the battle today. I hope she's okay. If not I might have to go to the jail and intimidate See-More again. I try to avoid the best I can to not let out the Beast but See-More crossed the line when he did that to Raven. He got what he deserved.

After almost 8 hours straight of Clash of the Planets Cyborg and I decided to take a break. Cyborg went to polish his baby. I, on the other hand, am going to check on Raven. Maybe I'll be able to get her to come out. Then I can continue my mission to get her to smile.

I stop in front of her door. "Hey Raven," I say, knocking. "You haven't been out of your room all day. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," comes Raven's muffled voice. "Now go away."

"But you should come out," I protest. "It's a beautiful night and-."

"NO!"

Normally I would back down after hearing Raven talk to me so forcefully. Not this time. I am on a mission and nothing will stop me. "Pleeeeease? I have a joke that is GUARANTEED to make you laugh."

Suddenly Raven's door opens with a bang. I back up slowly seeing the glare in her eyes. Pure hatred is on her face. "For the LAST TIME I don't find you funny! All your sense of humor does is slow us down. When are you going to realized that you are nothing but an annoying pathetic excuse for a hero?! You're so weak I'm surprised you lasted this long on the team!"

"Rave-" Cyborg begins, but she turns her death glare on him. I didn't know that he entered the hallway. Not that it matters. All I am able to do is focus on Raven's words. So angry, so full of venom. Each word is ripping my heart to shreds. It's become harder to breathe with each mental laceration she inflicts on me.

My voice cracks horribly. "All I was trying to do is make you happy."

"You want to make me happy, Garfield?" Raven asks savagely, her attention back on me. "Leave the team and don't come back. We'd be better off without you! I hate you!"

The hallway goes completely silent. All I can do is stare at her, hoping with all my heart that she doesn't really mean what she's saying-that her emotions are just out of control. The longer I look at beautiful face, the more I realize the truth. She truly does hate me. My heart is completely broken. All my hard work to make Raven happy has been for nothing. The despair I feel is more powerful than any emotion I've ever felt before. I don't know how much more pain I can take before nothing matters anymore.

I try my best to keep my face blank. I can't let it show how much her words have hurt me. Shakily I pull the black and yellow communicator from off my silver belt and throw it at the ground at her feet. At last I have the courage to speak. "Fine I'll leave. But soon you'll realize that you miss me."

Raven snickers, driving the invisible knife further into my heart. "I doubt it."

I walk away from her and head towards my room. Before I turn the corner I can hear Cyborg. "You went too far."

"Someone had to say it," Raven says coldly.

When I reach my room at last I shut the door behind me. Then and only then do I shed my facade and let my walls down. I break down fully, being the broken man I've always been.

**BBRae**

It takes me a while before I am able to pull myself together. At least it seems like a long time. I feel like I was on the floor sobbing for days. Now I'm gathering my stuff together. My suitcase is open on my bed, some of my black and purple uniforms already inside. I have no idea where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do, but that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that I leave the tower for good.

Raven's right. The team will be better off without me. I'm not stupid. I notice every time the team is disappointed or angry at me when I screw up. I see them groan exasperatedly when I tell a joke. It's time I stop holding the team back. It's time to give the tower peace and quiet at last.

My door opens. I don't bother turning around. "No need to yell at me anymore, Raven," I mutter in a monotone voice. Even that takes a lot of effort. "I got the message. I'll be out of your way soon."

"BB you should've known better not to push Raven tonight," Cyborg says. "Especially after the way her emotions were out of control during the mission today."

I throw old photo albums in my suitcase angrily. "So this is all my fault?!"

"Look, man I know you mean well, but you gotta realize that Raven doesn't want to listen to your jokes. It's just who she is."

"I didn't realize trying to make someone happy is a crime," I mutter bitterly. "Not that it matters. I'll be out of the way soon and she'll have the peace and quiet that she's always wanted."

"BB you can't leave," Cyborg pleads. His voice changes almost immediately from reprimanding to desperation.

I stop packing but don't turn around. "Why not? I know you, Nightwing, and Starfire agree with everything Raven said. I've seen it on your faces all of the time. The annoyance, the disappointment. Admit it, Cy. I'm worthless. You guys will do better once I leave."

"Raven's wrong," Cyborg says. "You are a very valuable teammate and have saved our butts countless times. You have the potential of being a great hero. After all, you led us to victory against the Brotherhood of Evil two years ago. It's just sometimes we feel you don't take things seriously when you should."

At last I turn to look at my best friend. He's the only one I trust to show my true self. "Cy, you are the only one who knows the real me. You know that I use jokes to hide the pain from my past. Raven was also my defense mechanism because I love her. I always thought that trying to get her to smile was one of the only things worth living for anymore. Now that I know that my sense of humor is nothing but an annoyance and that she hates me...I don't know what else to do."

"Please buddy." His voice is starting to get emotional, which is very unlike Cyborg. "I can't lose my best friend. You were the first person to not judge me after my accident. Believe it or not, having you in my life keeps me strong. I need you. _We _need you."

I regard my best friend for a second. I didn't realize that I made such an impact on his life just like he had on mine. I can't hurt him. I'll find a way to get past this. Somehow. At last I relent. "Okay. I'll stay."

Relief spreads across the metal man's face. Then he does something he's never done before: he steps forward and hugs me. I hug him back, the tightness in my chest lessening slightly. Through everything that's happened today it's good to know that I will always have him as my best friend. Once we pull away Cyborg offers me my discarded communicator. I hesitate for a second before taking it from his hand.

"Now I know the perfect thing to cheer you up," Cyborg says as I secure the communicator back on my belt. "A video game marathon."

I grin back. "You're on!"

While we play video games I'm barely paying attention. I'm thinking about Raven's words. And Cyborg's. Now that it's clear that my sense of humor is nothing but a big annoyance I have to find another way to hide my emotional scars. I vow to leave Raven alone-as requested. That's going to be so hard to do, but I have to. I can't handle her sharp tongue any longer. Then it comes to me.

If the others want me to be serious then that's what I'm going to do. No more jokes, no more pranks. No more goofy stories to keep the morale up at the tower. Not only that I'm going to train harder and longer. I want to be the best hero I can be. No matter what it takes.

**To be continued...**


	3. Part II

Thanks again for your wonderful feedback. It's giving me the confidence to continue this story. I'm really glad you guys like it so far. I love you all! So your reward is I'm giving you part II earlier than planned. I hope you like it :) ~Ellivia22~

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would've had Kid Flash and Jinx get together in earlier seasons. I think they are just adorable :)

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part II**

** Raven**

_Oh Azar what did I just do_? I think in panic. I'm frozen to the floor in shock. All I can do is watch Beast Boy walk away slowly, his head down. _I hurt him. I hurt him badly_.

"You went too far," Cyborg says from beside me. I don't have to look at the metal man to know that he's glaring at me.

_Call Beast Boy back!_ A voice yells in my head. Desperation. _Tell him you're sorry-that you didn't mean it!_. "Someone had to say it," I reply to Cyborg. I enter my room, slamming the door behind me.

I let in a shuddering breath. Objects start levitating in my room. All that hard work I've spent the past couple of hours to stabilize my emotions has been for nothing. Now everything is worse than ever and it's all my fault! All because I had to be so stupid!

The objects levitating in black aura start exploding-destroying my room in the process. Potion bottles shatter, spilling ingredients everywhere. Books so ancient the pages were yellowing ripping apart. The light bulb above my dresser shatters, sending glass everywhere. My dresser mirror cracks, leaving a split down the middle. I don't even want to know what the rest of the tower looks like. I only hope that my control is strong enough to keep the destruction only in my room.

Tears are falling rapidly down my face. Not just from the intense pain and regret, but because I can feel Beast Boy's devastation right at this moment. No wonder he doesn't feel the same way I feel about him. All I do is hurt him. "I-I'm sorry, Beast Boy," I choke out between sobs. "I'm so sorry."

By the time I'm calm enough to meditate again my room is in complete ruins. There's almost nothing left. I'm far from feeling better-if anything I feel worse. An emotion I see pretty much every time I hurt Beast Boy is stronger than ever. Guilt.

_**I can't believe I said all those horrible things to him **_Guilt wails, wiping her eyes on her lime-green cloak. _**Things that aren't even true. Now he's going to leave and it's all my fault!**_

_H-he won't really leave? ' Timid asks fearfully. 'Will he?"_

**'Nah this is Beast Boy we're talking about," Reassurance says confidently**. **'He'll bounce back like he always does. Then we can apologize. **

"I hope you're right," I sigh. I desperately want to go find Beast Boy and apologize for everything I said to him. I want to tell him that I was wrong and beg him to stay. I know he doesn't want to see me right now. My apology and begging will do no good. After doing my best to repair my destroyed room I fall into a troubled sleep, hoping with all my heart that I will see the green changeling in the morning.

**BBRae**

It's 10AM when I wake up the next morning. Normally I'm awake when the sun rises so that I can get my meditation out of the way before combat practice. However since Nightwing has given the day off I don't feel bad for sleeping in. I needed the sleep, since all I did was toss and turn all night. Now that I'm awake there is one thing I need to do first, even before meditation: I need to find Beast Boy and apologize.

I throw my cloak over my shoulders. I glide quickly towards Beast Boy's room, my heart pounding. I dread every step. What am I going to find when I reach his room? Is his room going to be completely empty, no trace of him at all? Or will he be on his top bunk fast asleep? Most importantly, what in the world am I going to say to him? I shakily knock on his door.

**Knock knock**

"Beast Boy?" I ask timidly. No response. I hesitantly open the door to his room.

Beast Boy's room is in total disarray as usual. Old pizza boxes, dirty clothes, and various items are strewed across the floor. The green boy isn't in the room. I relax a little when I see his brown suitcase sitting in front of his closet door. Either he is going to stay, or hasn't left yet. I have to find him. The first place I'm going to look in the kitchen.

"I'm telling you, dude, the vegetarian lifestyle is the way to go! It's the best way to stay in shape."

I smile to myself hearing Beast Boy's voice as I near the kitchen. I've never felt so happy and relieved at the same time. He's still here. I have the chance to make things right and apologize.

"Man you don't know what you're talking about," Cyborg counters as I enter the kitchen. Both boys are standing behind the kitchen counter making breakfast and having their usual banter. Beast Boy doesn't seem as enthused into the argument like he usually is. "Meat gives you all the necessary proteins and energy you need."

Silently I float past Beast Boy and Cyborg to make my daily cup of herbal tea. Only this time I pull out two tea cups. One for me and one for Beast Boy. It's the best peace offering I can think of until I can talk to Beast Boy alone. Without a word I push the second tea cup towards him then sit at the kitchen table next to Nightwing and Starfire who are cuddling together. Obviously their date last night was a good one.

Good morning Raven," Nightwing greets me cheerfully as I sit next to him.

"Hope you had pleasant shlorvax," Starfire chirps beside him.

"Morning," I say in my usual monotone. I'm barely paying attention to them. Instead I watch Beast Boy from under my hood. If this doesn't work then it's on to plan B.

_You mean I finally get to laugh at his jokes?_ Happy chirps excitedly in my head.

I groan inwardly. _Just this once._

However nothing goes according to plan. Not only does Beast Boy disregard the tea in front of him, he doesn't sit next to me at the table like he always does. Instead he sits next to Cyborg, who is next to Starfire on the other side of the table. Neither boy looks in my direction. I can't help but feel disappointed.

Breakfast is unusually quiet. It's almost unbearable. Beast Boy is just eating his breakfast of grapefruit and soy milk not saying a word. It's so weird seeing him so silent. I struggle to think of something to say to get him to talk, but can't think of anything. Luckily Starfire beats me to it. "So Beast Boy," she says, turning to the green titan. "What joke shall you tell us today?"

Beast Boy barely looks up from his grapefruit to look at the alien princess. "Sorry, Star, but I don't have any new material right now," he says in an emotionless tone I've never heard before. It sounds so wrong, so not him. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. He takes one last swig of his soy milk then gets up from the table. I try to catch his eye as he walks past me, but he pointedly avoids looking at me.

"Yo BB where are you going?" Cyborg calls.

"I have things to do in the city," Beast Boy answers in that same emotionless tone. "I'll be back later."

"Beast Boy sure is acting weird today," Nightwing comments once Beast Boy is out of sight.

"You do not think he's ill, do you?" Starfire asks worriedly.

Cyborg glares at me from across the table. "This is all your fault, Raven. You need to apologize to him!"

_**Yes I do **_Guilt moans in my head.

I keep my face blank. "I shouldn't have to apologize. All I did was tell the truth."

"You insensitive bit-"

"Woah woah," Nightwing interrupts. "What's going on?"

"BB was pestering Raven too much last night and she yelled at him. Except this time she told him that he was worthless and should quit the team. She thinks we'd be better off without him."

Nightwing glares at me. "You didn't!"

Starfire's eyes glow green. "Why would you say such a thing?!"

_**Because I'm a horrible person**_

"Look I admit that I went a little far last night. But you can't tell me that I'm the only one who is sick of his bad sense of humor and immature ways. I'm not sorry for what I said and I'm not apologizing!"

_**I am sorry. I regret it with all my heart **__G_uilt moans loudly in my mind.

Nightwing crosses his arms. "We accept Beast Boy for who he is, bad sense of humor or not. Just like we accept you no matter what. Cyborg's right. You owe Beast Boy an apology."

As the other three Titans stare me down I feel my walls come down slightly. Guilt takes over and speaks for me. "You're right. I'll apologize to him when he comes home."

Without another word I leave the kitchen and head back to my room. It's time for another session of deep meditation. I have to be in complete control when I apologize to Beast Boy-otherwise I'll hurt him all over again and that's the last thing I want to do.

**Beast Boy**

There's an underwater tunnel under Titan's Tower that nobody knows about except for me. The only reason I know about it is because I built it. I built it as an escape from the others when I needed to be alone. Over time the tunnel has gotten so long that it connects directly to Titan's East Tower. It cuts down the travel time to the Titan's East tower in half.

I swim through the tunnel as a sailfish- the fastest animal in the ocean. The water practically flies over me while I pick up speed. In this form I can go almost as fast as in my cheetah form. The further away I get from the tower, the better I feel. For once I'm glad to be away from Raven. Ignoring her during breakfast was hard enough. I don't know how I'll be able to do it for an entire lifetime though.

Finally I reach the end of the tunnel. There is a circular plate above my head made of steel. This is where their T-ship exits. A number pad is next to it. Aqualad had it installed for me in case I wanted to visit and not set off the alarm. With my pointed nose I punch in the correct code. The doors open swiftly. I swim through the opening. Once I break the surface I exit the water and turn back into myself, completely dried off.

The doors next to the T ship open, revealing Aqualad. He looks the same since the last time I saw him six months ago except his hair is shorter now. "Hey BB," He greets me, slapping my hand. "I didn't know you were stopping by." His smile disappears and is replaced by a frown. Either he knows me too well or I'm not good at suppressing my emotions without my joker facade. "What's wrong? You look terrible."

"I need to talk to you guys," I say in a low voice. "It's important."

**RaeBB**

"So let me get this straight," Speedy says, leaning against the back of the couch in the Titan's East living room. He stares at me in disbelief. "You want to train with both your team _and_ us?"

I nod and continue my pacing in front of the large windows. My hands are clasped behind my back, my head lowered.

"Are you out of your mind?" Aqualad asks incredulously. "Why would you want to do something crazy like that? Not even Nightwing is that dedicated and that's saying something."

"Yeah BB. I know you're good, but this is sounding like suicide," Bumblebee adds. Her eyebrow is raised in suspicion.

"El esta loco," Mas says.

"Si," Menos agrees.

"Why now all of a sudden?" Aqualad asks.

"Because I had an epiphany." I feel the shock from the others just from using that word. Apparently they think I'm just an idiot joker too. I slide to the ground as my back hits the wall. I refuse to look at them. The fact that I'm here asking for help is beyond humiliating. "I realized that if I ever wanted to be a great hero then this is what I have to do."

"Why come to us," Speedy asks. "Why not just ask Nightwing for more training?"

"Because I don't want to disappoint him any more than he already is."

"Well then, why don't you just transfer to our team?" Bumblebee offers. "We could use the extra hand."

I think about it for a second. It would be a nice change in pace. However I decide to decline for three reasons. One, I don't want to let Cyborg down. Two, Nightwing might kill me. And three, as much as I don't want to admit it I'd miss Raven too much even if she hates my guts. "I appreciate the offer, but I want to stay where I am." I don't want to talk about this anymore. It hurts too much. "Can you guys help me or not?"

The Titan's East look at each other. "All right," Bumblebee says reluctantly. "Come in the afternoons. Two o'clock sharp."

I glance at the time on my communicator. "So..right now."

Speedy stands up. "Yep. Come on I'll show you around." He leads me out of the common room and down the hall. I can't help but look around. I haven't been to this part of their tower before. It's set up very similar to my tower. No surprise since Cyborg helped build it.

"On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we practice on our training course behind the tower. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and rainy days is weight lifting and teammate vs teammate combat. Weekends off," Aqualad explains.

I nod mutely. We have a similar schedule except Nightwing only gives us one day off a week. But sometimes he gives us an extra day if Starfire can talk him into it. Also, we don't have teammate vs teammate combat, which I am thankful. I don't want to hurt Raven-even if it's practice.

"Wow this is amazing," I comment once they lead me into the gym. Their gym is twice the size of ours and broken down into three separate rooms. One room contains various work out machines on the left. In the middle is a large platform that takes up most of the space, though there is enough for a small pool of water. Since it's the biggest room there's still a way to move a round. I assume that's for the teammate vs teammate combat. The third room has targets all over the place, each designed for all the members of the team. There are even targets on the ceiling. A large pool of water is in the corner of the third room-obviously the pools are for Aqualad. This is so advanced I wonder what their battle course looks like.

"Don't get too excited," Speedy says as if he read my mind. "The obstacle course out back is a lot more intense than yours."

I brush it off. It can't be that bad. "I can handle it."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Bumblebee asks. I can detect slight worry in her voice. "Last chance to back out."

"No way!" I reply, smacking my fist against my palm. "Let's do this!"

"All right then. Since you're the guest of honor, you get to go first. That doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you though," Bumblebee says. "Good luck. You're going to need it."

I smirk to myself and follow Bumblebee on the large platform. I'm not worried. I can take her easily. As I get into a ready stance I think about the best animal to use to take her down. Perhaps a bear or gorilla then something small if she decides to shrink.

Speedy steps in front of the platform. "3...2...1 Go!"

I turn into a large bear. I don't manage to take a step when out of nowhere Bumblebee lands in front of me, punching me hard in the face. The force is so powerful I fly off the platform and into the wall with a sickening CRACK! I turn back into myself. I try not to let that deter me. I get to my feet, turning into a kangaroo. Once I get closer she aims another punch. I duck. She misses me by inches. She tries to zap me, but I turn into a bird and move out of the way just in time. I fly high into the air, then turn into a gorilla, preparing to hit her with my large fists. She moves out of the way, making me land on the ground hard. She aims a fist to my face again, at the same time she kicks me in the chest-sending me back on the ground again. Already I feel my lip bleeding and my chest starting to ache. She's a lot tougher than she looks. This is going to be harder than I thought.

**Raven**

Today has been a long and exhausting day. Not only that it's been one of the worst days I've had in a while. The tower is finally quiet and peaceful. Surprisingly I'm not happy about it. Mainly because it's quiet and peaceful for all the wrong reasons.

Perhaps it's not the fact that the tower is quiet that is bothering me so much. It's the face that the other Titans have refused to talk to me all day-or be anywhere near me for that matter. Cyborg spent most of the day in the garage working on his car. Usually he asks me if I want to help him, but he didn't this time. Nightwing and Starfire were out most of the day, doing who knows what. Neither of them told me. I can feel strong anger from the others-obviously for the way I treated Beast Boy yesterday. This has made it harder to control my "Guilt" emotion. I hope that everything will go back to normal once I apologize to Beast Boy. If he ever comes home.

I haven't seen or heard from the green titan all day. The more hours that pass, the more worried I am that he actually did leave, even though I saw his black and yellow communicator back on his belt during breakfast. I just wish he'd come home. Not just so I can apologize, but so he can bring some normalcy to the tower. The strain in the tower is really starting to get to me. I refuse to admit this to anyone else, but I sort of miss him.

It's nearly dinnertime. We're sitting in the common room, but not talking to each other. Nightwing is reading a book called Ancient Japanese Combat. Starfire is lying in his arms, her head on his chest. She's deeply involved in the Vogue magazine in her lap. Cyborg is playing game station, but on mute. I know he's waiting for his best friend to come back so that they can play together. I am in the corner of the room by the window. I float in the air, chanting my mantra. My eyes aren't closed. Instead I'm watching the sun slowly descending, a beautiful green, purple sunset appearing in the sky.

The elevator doors that are close to the kitchen open. All of us stop what we're doing. I float to the ground, Cyborg looks up from his game, and Nightwing and Starfire get up from the couch.

"About time you came back," Cyborg says. I sense the relief in his voice. "I've been wanting to-dude what in the hell happened to you?!" I follow Cyborg's gaze and look at Beast Boy as he comes close to the living room. My mouth drops open. I can't help it.

Beast Boy looks like he got into a fight-and lost. His green face is swollen, a heavy black eye forming on his right side, right above a bruise to his cheek. His lip is bleeding. I notice that not only is he limping, but clutching onto his ribs.

"Oh friend," Starfire cries anxiously, flying over to Beast Boy. She examines his face like a mother protective of her child. Not surprising. Since Star turned 19 she's been acting more motherly towards us-even though she's not the oldest on the team. "You look like you got into a fight with a flornop."

Beast Boy gently pushes Starfire away. "I'm fine, Star," he says . His voice is softer than usual, almost strained. "Really."

"Then what happened?" Nightwing asks, crossing his arms.

"I was leaving the comic book shop when I caught Cinderblock causing trouble downtown. Don't worry-" Beast Boy adds as he notices Nightwing stare at him in suspicion. "I took care of him and he's in jail." I stare at him. I don't have to even use my senses to detect the lie in his voice. Beast Boy has never lied to us before. Why is he starting now?

"Great job, BB" Cyborg says, obviously not noticing the lie. Or he decides not to call Beast Boy on it. "Now go ahead and have Raven heal you so we can play. I demand a Super Monkey battle before dinner. "

"Sorry Cy, but I'll have to take a rain check on the video game playing," Beast Boy answers tiredly. "I'm going to bed."

Nightwing nods, his arms still crossed. Apparently I'm not the only one that knows that Beast Boy isn't telling the truth. "Get your rest. Battle practice is at 7AM sharp. "

Beast Boy nods mutely, then limps his way out of the room. I stand frozen in shock, my eyes still focused on the spot where Beast Boy once stood. He is acting so weird. It's like he's there, but he's not. I've never seen him so despondent. Searching through his emotions I can still feel a deep emotional pain, right now being overpowered by the physical. And it has nothing to do with missing Terra like that one night I found him in the kitchen. I know it's because of my harsh words. I have to fix this right now.

Nightwing clears his throat, breaking me out of my thoughts. He jerks his head in the direction where Beast Boy went. I don't even have to ask. It's time to make up with the one I secretly have a crush on.

**BBRae**

Five minutes later I'm standing outside Beast Boy's door. It's been a struggle getting the courage to knock. What if he won't talk to me? Worst of all-what if won't forgive me? Beast Boy never holds a grudge-except for Deathstroke, but after the events with Terra I can't say I blame him. What am I going to say to Beast Boy? Should I tell him that I have feelings for him, even though I know that he doesn't feel the same? I sigh. I have to do something. I pull up my hood.

**Knock Knock**

"Who is it?" Beast Boy calls from the other side.

"It's me, Raven." I answer.

Beast Boy opens the door. He looks different. Instead of wearing his usual black and purple uniform he's wearing a black men's tank top and purple pajama bottoms. For the first time ever he's not wearing his gloves. I've never seen him in anything but his uniform-even the night I caught him drinking my tea. I struggle to keep breathing. I can see his muscles easier and the firmness of his chest. I long to touch him. I'm grateful for my hood, otherwise he'd see me ogle his body and the redness on my cheeks.

_Man he looks good _Lust says in awe. In my mind I can see her eyes bulging out of her head.

"What's up, Raven?"

My heart sinks. Not only did he call me Raven instead of "Rae", his voice is flat, monotone. There is no hint of the happy, energetic joker that I know. It almost mirrors the tone I use on a daily basis. "I've come to heal you," I stutter. Just staying those five words takes a lot of effort. I still can't take my eyes off him.

"I appreciate the offer, but no thanks."

"Are you sure?" I ask hesitantly, my eyes focused on an ugly bruise on his left shoulder.

"Yes. Don't worry, Raven. I'll be fine."

He attempts to close the door but I hold it open with my magic. "Look, there's something I've been wanting to say to you all day." I take a deep breath. "Beast Boy, I want to apologize for everything I said yesterday. I didn't mean it. You are a very valuable teammate and I don't want you to leave the team. I had no right to hurt you the way I did. I'm sorry."

Beast Boy stares at me. His green eyes are penetrating into my violet ones as if he's trying to read my thoughts. Slowly he gives me a small smile. "Thank you for the apology. I forgive you. Goodnight."

Before I can say anything else he shuts the door. I don't have to be an empath to know that his smile is forced. My heart drops to my stomach. I have a feeling that he didn't forgive me after all. Worst part of all, I can't blame him. I leave his door, a new emotion sweeps through me. An emotion I haven't felt since Beast Boy came into my life for the first time. Loneliness.

**To be continued...**


	4. Part III

A/N: Hey guys, sorry about the long wait for an update. I've been working a lot. However, the great thing about waiting two hours to see the doctor is it gave me plenty of time to figure out the rest of this story, so hopefully updates won't be too long. I hope you guys like this next chapter. Please review and tell me what you think :) ~Ellivia22~

Disclaimer: if I owned Teen Titans I would've had Beast Boy go save Raven in "The End" trilogy instead of Robin

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part III**

** Raven**

It's practically silent the next morning at the battle course. No one is laughing or telling jokes. Instead we're just doing our stretching for practice. Though it would seem that I prefer the silence I actually found it unnerving. Unnerving because it isn't normal.

I glance over at the changeling who is off to the side, stretching his back. He hasn't said a word since we arrived at the battle field. He looks completely worn out. He has bags under his eyes and his green face is a little pale, making his black eye and the bruises on his face stand out considerably. I watch him grimace, clutching onto his ribs. I sigh to myself. I wish he would let me heal him.

I long to ask Beast Boy what he's really up to, but I don't. I can tell from his body language that he doesn't want to talk to me-or anyone else for that matter. My harsh words must still be affecting him. My heart sinks. This pretty much confirms that he hasn't forgiven me.

"All right team," Nightwing says, breaking into my troubling thoughts. "Let's get started. Starfire you're first."

Practice seems to drag longer than usual. Perhaps it's because no one is really talking much. The only thing that's being said is Nightwing telling the time it takes to complete the course. It seems like forever before it is my turn. I push through the course mechanically. I don't have the enthusiasm that I usually do, which is rare for me. While I'm hitting the targets at the end of the course with my powers I glance at Beast Boy from the corner of my eye. He's just standing to the side, away from the others. He seems to be lost in thought. I don't think I've ever seen him this serious before. I'm so concerned about him that it doesn't phase me that my time was slower than usual. 2 minutes 15 seconds. Nightwing gives me a concerned look.

"All right, Beast Boy," Nightwing says. "You're up."

Beast Boy walks towards the starting line. I stand by Cyborg, Starfire and Nightwing. I don't take my eyes off the green teen from under my hood. His face is hard and determined-an expression I rarely see on him.

3...2...1 GO!

Beast Boy doesn't hesitate. He goes through the course faster than I've ever seen him do it before. He sprints past the columns so fast he's like a green blur. Then he turns into a peregrine falcon to avoid the lasers being shot at him. I can't help but be impressed by the amount of strength he shows plowing through the panels as a large elephant then using the trunk to shoot water at each of the rocks about to shoot discs in his direction. The water causes the cannons to stop working instantly. For a final touch he turns into a gorilla and punches all the targets with his massive fists.

Beast Boy turns back into himself. I stare at him in awe. I've never seen him perform so well. It's clear to me that he's more successful when he's focused. I glance at the time on the monitor: 1 minute and 45 seconds. Not that this is a competition, but Beast Boy had the third best time-including beating me. I want to congratulate him, but can't seem to find the words.

"Great job, Beast Boy," Nightwing says, getting from behind the control panel. "I'm impressed."

I expect Beast Boy to gloat and say something egotistical like he usually does. Instead he looks at Nightwing seriously. "I promise I'll do better next time," he says dejectedly.

Nightwing looks taken aback-as does the rest of the team. Beast Boy has never spoken in such a self-hating tone before. Nightwing puts a reassuring hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. "No, really. You did great."

"Yes!" adds Starfire. "You kicked the butt!"

"Agreed," Cyborg contributes, his metal hand on Beast Boy's other shoulder.

I struggle to add something with everyone else. I'm still in shock all I manage to utter is "Yeah."

"Well I'm starved," Cyborg booms energetically. "I think this calls for pizza for breakfast."

I shake my head. Only Cyborg would want pizza for breakfast. Beast Boy hesitates, then finally manages to smile. Am I the only one who can tell that the smile is forced? "All right," he says reluctantly.

I follow behind the others to the T-Car. Cyborg, Nightwing, and Starfire are chatting energetically with each other. Beast Boy, however, remains silent. Something has changed in Beast Boy and I'm finding that I don't like it. It's just not like him to not be laughing and telling jokes. A part of me thought things would be better if he stopped telling jokes. Yet he's just not the same. He's not happy, that is quite clear. I swallow the large lump in my throat. I'm starting to regret my words more and more.

**BBRae**

"All right," Cyborg says energetically fifteen minutes later. "So we'll order a triple sized supreme pizza and BB will order his usual vegetarian." Cyborg shudders at the last word.

"Sounds delightful," Starfire says happily. Nightwing nods in agreement.

"Whatever," I mutter.

"What do you think, BB," Cyborg says, nudging the green boy next to him in the ribs. "Are you brave enough to try the all-meat experience this time? I guarantee that you'll enjoy it!"

Beast Boy rubs his chest. "No thanks, dude. I respect the fact that you like meat, but I prefer to stay a vegetarian."

The impassive tone of his voice makes us all stare at him. "Okay what's up with you?" Nightwing asks finally.

"What do you mean?" Beast Boy asks, knowing full well what.

"You've been acting weird all morning," Cyborg says seriously.

"Yes and you have yet to tell us a joke." Starfire says in concern. "It is just not like you."

Another forced smile from the changeling. He shrugs his shoulders. "Sorry, guys. Guess I'm just tired from fighting Cinderblock yesterday and this morning's practice." He glances at his communicator briefly to check the time. "Oh, I've got to go. I'll catch you guys later."

"Where are you going?" I blurt out.

"Yeah we haven't even ordered yet," Cyborg protests.

"I'll get pizza with you guys another time," Beast Boy promises. "I'll be home later." He turns into a large falcon and flies off before we can say anything else.

"There is definitely something wrong with him," Nightwing says, staring in the direction Beast Boy went. "Maybe one of us should follow him."

"He probably went back to the comic book shop. I wouldn't worry about it," I say, trying to mask my own feelings of concern.

"You and I both know that's not what he was doing yesterday." Nightwing argues. "I just hope Beast Boy isn't getting into trouble. Did you apologize to him last night?"

"Yes." My eyes lower to my hands. The guilt is still strong on the inside. "But I don't think he forgave me. You guys were right. I crossed the line. I hurt him. If only I had an idea on how to show him that I really didn't mean it."

"Oh we must do something," Starfire moans. "Beast Boy is terrifying me acting like this."

Cyborg seems to be the only one not as concerned as the rest of us by Beast Boy's strange behavior. He brushes off our concerns with a wave of his hand. "He'll bounce back sooner or later. He always does."

"I hope so. We can't afford to lose him as a teammate," Nightwing comments.

We leave the pizza place without ordering anything. It seems that all of us have lost our appetites. Silently we head back to the tower. Whether Beast Boy knows it or not, his change in attitude has affected the whole team and not in a good way. Not only that something has been wrong with my emotions since he shut the door in my face last night. When I get home I'll have to go to Nevermore and find out what.

**RaeBB**

Once we get beck from the pizza parlor we all go in separate directions. Cyborg stays in the garage to work on his car some more. Starfire starts cooking some unknown concoction in the kitchen. Sadly her cooking hasn't improved over the years. She still thinks that mustard can be used on anything. Nightwing makes his way to the training room.

I go straight to my room. My chest has been extremely tight since Beast Boy left to go do who knows what. It just adds to the feeling that hit me last night when he closed the door in my face. Nothing feels right. The best way to find out what's going on is going directly to Nevermore and investigate. I close the door behind me and float in the air, my legs crossed.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

Black aura surrounds me, making my body turn into the shape of a lightning bolt. Quickly the lighting bolt strikes, sending me into the hand mirror that is laying on my dresser. It continues, going down the vortex in a spiral pattern until I land feet first on the ground.

I brush the dust off my cloak. When I look around I realize that Nevermore is different. True I haven't been here in months, but there's something about it that sends chills up and down my spine. I haven't felt this way since Trigon got loose. Something's wrong.

I grab the first emotion I see. Sloth is wandering around aimlessly with a bored expression on her face. I grab her by her tan cloak, trying to avoid the dried pizza stains. She is always too lazy to clean herself up. "Meeting. Now. Gather the others."

"Too tired" Sloth moans.

I glare at her and fly past her. I'm not in the mood to argue. In an instant I enter a large room in the middle of Nevermore. The room is like a sanctuary. The walls are all white and covered with everything that matters to me: things from Azarath, such as a portrait of Azar and another portrait of my mother, my friends...and Beast Boy. White stone ravens are etched all around the walls as well. A large marble table is in the middle, a tea set and my teas at the end of the head of the table.

Several emotions appear instantly. All the different Ravens are staring at me. "All right we're all here," Rude grumbles. "So let's get this over with."

It doesn't take me long to realize who is missing. I glare at Rude. "You guys are _not_ all here. We're still missing Happy."

Rude glares at Sloth. "You didn't tell her?!"

"Why would I do that?" Sloth asks. "That's too much work."

"Tell me what?" I ask, my eyes narrowing.

Knowledge sighs, taking off her glasses. She rubs her face wearily. "We haven't been able to find her."

I stare at the yellow cloaked emotion. "What do you mean you can't find her?! Emotions don't just disappear."

"They do. They fade away if they're not strong enough. Or if another conflicting emotion becomes more powerful."

"More powerful?" I ask. "Like who?!"

Then I spot the emotion at the end of the table. Her cloak is light blue-an emotion I was hoping that I'd never see again. The emotion that resurfaced when Beast Boy shut the door in my face.

"Loneliness! Why are you here? I thought you were gone for good!"

Loneliness wipes her eyes with her cloak. More tears come from her eyes, making that action utterly pointless. "I-I'm here because Beast Boy doesn't want anything to d-do with us anymore. The longer he avoids us, the stronger I become."

"But why?" I ask. "Why would Beast Boy's avoidance do this? I mean I know I have a crush on him, but he doesn't have a bigger impact on my life than the other Titans do."

"Maybe he means more to you than you're willing to admit," Knowledge says.

I shake my head. "No, you're wrong. It's just a stupid crush-nothing more. He's nothing more than an idiotic joker who annoys the living hell out of me."

"And yet he's the one who pays the most attention to you; the one who protects you and tries to make you happy."

I stay quiet. Knowledge is wrong. She has to be. "Please, Raven," Loneliness begs to me. "Can I see Beast Boy again? I'm so lonely without him!"

I sigh. If that's what it takes to get rid of the blue emotion and get Happy back then that's what I'm going to do. As much as Happy annoys me, I'd rather have Happy around than the whiny, weepy Loneliness. Timid is bad enough. "I'll see what I can do."

I close my eyes and chant my mantra. When I open them again I'm back in my room. I've got to find Beast Boy and somehow convince him that he's important to me. But how am I going to get him to listen?

I pull out my communicator and float to the ground. Even though I've been in Nevermore for about an hour it seems that all the other Titans are still doing what they were doing before. Except...that's strange. I can't find Beast Boy's location at all. In fact his communicator is off line. What in the world is he doing? Worst of all, what did I do to him?

**Beast Boy**

I arrive at the Titan's East tower around noon, much earlier than planned. My chest is still tight. I can't stop thinking about the failed battle practice. I can't believe I only got the third best time. I was trying so hard. I guess it's because my muscles are still sore from practice with Titan's East yesterday. Breathing is difficult because of my bruised ribs. Still that's no excuse. I'm better than that. I should do better than that.

I feel guilty for leaving the team at the pizza parlor. I know that the were just trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate it. I just felt so out of place being there with group of skilled and successful friends. Not when I'm nothing but an emotional mess.

Speedy wasn't exaggerating when he said their battle course is intense. It has the similar set up as ours, except twice the size. This course also contains tasks that are like they are straight from a military obstacle course. There is a large steel swing set like structure with various tires in the middle hanging a little bit from the ground, which is covered in mud. There are large slabs made of metal in the middle of the course with a rope ladder as the way to get up to the top. Then connected to the top is a pole where a you have to get on a zipline to take you back to the bottom. Once you reach the ground you have to crawl under some barb wire, hop through some hurdles to the finish line. The last thing you have to do before crossing the finish line is destroy the targets around-just like ours. And you have to do this while avoiding lasers, discs, and other items randomly coming at you.

"And you can't use your powers during those parts," Aqualad says, pointing to the military parts of the course. "Cyborg built it where your powers won't work once you reach the tire swings. He made it that way so that we could keep our strength up and also tests how fast we can react."

I try not to let all this intimidate me. Secretly I'm plotting to destroy Cy's car as payback. "I can handle it."

"Nice shiner," Bumblebee greets me when she reaches the course. "You look dangerous."

"Don't worry," I say with as much confidence as I can muster. "I'll get you back next time."

We don't say anything else as we watch Speedy go through the course. I'm impressed seeing him tackle the course with such ease. Granted, he's had a lot of time to practice. I struggle to stay calm. I hope that I can do just as well.

Speedy finishes the course in under three minutes. Since this course is longer it makes sense that that his time is a little longer. He wipes the sweat off his forehead. "Piece of cake."

I swallow hard. My turn is next. I fall into a ready stance and wait for the buzzer. One thought repeats over and over again in my head like a broken record.

_Don't fail_

**BEEEEP!**

I quickly turn into a cheetah so that I can run past the steel columns just like at the other course. I always use the cheetah, because it's the form I trust the most to keep my speed up. The stone panels are up next so I turn into a rhino without second thought, ramming them as hard as I can then the last animal I change into before reaching the tires is a bird to avoid the lasers from shooting me.

Once I reach the tires I turn back into myself. I hesitate for a split second. I'm not as strong or as physically fit as the others. _C'mon BB you can do this_. I stumble a bit as I hop onto the tires. I wobble, then force myself to remain steady as I hop from tire to tire. This would be so much easier if I was in frog form.

I run towards the large metal slab. My sides ache, the muscles in my legs throb. I don't know why. I'm not _that_ out of shape. I grab the coarse rope and make my way up the ladder. Halfway up I twist my body to the side slightly to avoid a disc from taking my head off. When I reach the top I'm feeling winded, almost lethargic. I struggle to keep my breathing normal, but am finding that difficult. What in the hell is wrong with me?!

I grab the handlebars hanging from the zip line and push myself off the metal slab. Cold air rushes through my hair as I pick up speed. I twist my body some more to avoid being hit by other objects coming at me. I can see that I'm getting close to the end. I can't give up now.

**BAM!**

As I near the ground something hard hits me on the side of my head. Stars start winking in my eyes and I let go of the handlebars. Then everything goes black...

**BBRae**

_"Garfield...Garfield look at me."_

_ I uncovered my eyes, the world was spinning. I felt different, younger. Everything and everyone that I knew before was gone from my mind. When I looked around I recognized the purple and black walls of the training room in the Doom Patrol Headquarters. Once everything was back in focus I stared at the young woman in front of me. Rita was smiling, her long hair past her waist, though she still wore her black headband. She looked younger too. "Garfield, you can do this."_

_ "But Rita," I heard my ten year old self saying. "W-what if I can't do it? W-what if I mess up again?"_

_ She gave me a reassuring smile. "Then we'll try again. I believe in you. Just focus, think of the animal you want to change into."_

_ I closed my eyes tight and thought about the animal I wanted to turn into. A dog. Not just a small dog, but a big one-ferocious. I thought about a wolf; a wolf that is twice the size of me. With a thick fur coat, teeth so sharp it could tear through anything. I thought about the wolf's howl: high pitched, yet so loud it was piercing. Large paws and a big bushy tail. I felt strange on the inside like I was stretching so far it hurt. Then all I could think about was finding my pack and going for a hunt for dinner. I licked my lips and felt a wet nose. _

_ "Garfield, look. You did it!"_

_ I opened my eyes and looked at full-length mirror by the wall next to me. A large green wolf stared back at me-looking exactly as I pictured. I turned back into myself. I hugged Rita tightly. "Rita you were right! I did it!"_

_ She hugged me back warmly. "I knew you could."_

_ "What's going on here?"_

_ Mento entered the room. He looked exactly the same, except younger. I ran up to him excitedly. "Mento I did it! I turned into something bigger!" I turned back into the wolf. It was easier the second time._

_ Mento didn't look impressed. His face stayed emotionless. "I'd be more impressed if you looked more intimidating. You're just wasting time."_

_ I turned back into myself. I hung my head. No matter how hard I tried, I could never please him. "I'm sorry," I said in a small voice. "I-I'll try harder next time."_

_ "Steve he's been working really hard," Rita said, placing her hands protectively on my shoulders. "I think he's ready."_

_ "Are you crazy, Rita?! He can't control this power. We can't afford any mistakes on this team."_

_ "Please, just give him a chance."_

_ Mento gave me a measuring look. I looked back pleadingly. "Please, Mento. I won't let you down! I promise!"_

_ "All right," Mento reluctantly allowed. "But if you are to join this team I expect you to do your very best. Failure is not an option."_

_ "I will sir," I agreed eagerly. I was excited for this opportunity that Mento was giving me. It had to be better than anything that had happened in my life so far. _

_ "Good. Now let's get you a uniform. From this day forward you are not Garfield Logan. Instead you will be known as "Beast Boy"_

"Hey guys I think he's coming around," a voice says, the volume so loud it gives me a headache.

"BB, man, are you okay?"

I moan wearily as I struggle to open my eyes. The Titan's East are all leaning over me, their faces full of concern. They look all blurry to me. "He doesn't look so good," Aqualad says worriedly. "Maybe we should call Nightwing."

Every part of my body aches. I feel as though I've been run over by Cyborg's car. Once the world stops spinning I realize that I'm lying on the Titan's East couch in the common room. I struggle to sit up. Even that is too much at the moment.

"Rest," Bumblebee says gently. "You took quite a hit."

"Hit by what?" I whisper weakly. It must've been something heavy. My head is killing me. I'm still having a hard time figuring out where I am or what I had been doing before I passed out.

"One of the large rocks being shot directly at the course." Speedy answers.

I slump against the couch as I remember sliding down the zip line before everything went black. "Please tell me I at least finished the course," I ask desperately even though I already know the answer.

"I'm sorry, man," Aqualad says. "You were close though."

I cover my face in my hands. I sigh in defeat. It takes too much strength to do anything else. Mas and Menos rush to my side, an ice pack in their hands. "Para tu cabeza." they say.

I don't understand what they're saying but I get the message. I take the ice pack and place it on my throbbing head. "I'll try harder next time."

Bumblebee sits next to me on the couch. "Look Beast Boy I admire your determination and dedication, but this is getting dangerous. I don't think we should do this anymore."

I sit up quickly, ignoring the spasms of pain that shoot through me. I feel like my head is being split open. "No! We just started. I can't quit now. I-I'm just tired, but I swear I'll get better" I look at my friends desperately, my heart rate accelerated. "Please guys. Don't give up on me now."

"You don't get it," Speedy says. "You could've died."

"I don't care. I can't fail, I _won't _fail you guys." I force myself to my feet. I don't have much strength in my legs and it's hard to stay upright. I almost fall to my knees but I force myself to stay strong. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Without another word I turn into a bird and fly unsteadily out of the open window. Once I'm far enough away I land on the pathway leading to the Titan's East Tower. I turn back into myself. The last of my strength is gone. I fall to my knees. The ache in my head is so painful it's almost blinding. I close my eyes tightly, trying desperately to get rid of one repeating word out of my head.

_Failure_

I can't keep doing this. I can't let Mento have this control over me. I'm no longer on the Doom Patrol. I'm a Titan. It's about time I started acting like one. The first thing I need to do is get rid of anything that connects me to the Doom Patrol. I know exactly where to start.

**To be continued...**


	5. Part IV

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans there would've been more Control Freak. He's one of my favorite villains :)

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part IV**

** Beast Boy**

It seems like my strength has completely run out just from trying to escape the Titan's East tower. I haven't been able to move from my spot in front of their tower for the past fifteen minutes. I clutch my throbbing head. The pain has been coming in waves from bearable to excruciating. I curse myself for leaving the ice pack behind. One question is on my mind: how in the hell am I going to make it back to Titan's tower? I need to get back as soon as possible so that I can get started on my next plan to better myself.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" Aqualad found me.

"No," I sigh. "I don't know if I'll ever be okay again."

"Come back to the tower and let's talk. We can figure something out. Plus you need some rest."

"There's nothing to talk about," I mutter. "I get it. I'm too weak to train with you guys."

"That's not it at all," Aqualad protests. "You are not weak, you're one of the strongest people I know. It's just we feel that you're trying to do too much. We're concerned about your physical well being." I don't answer. I have a hard time believing him. He's my friend-he's just trying to lessen the blow. "Why is this so important to you all of a sudden?" he asks.

I stay quiet as I gather my thoughts. Aqualad is my good friend, but not as close of a friend as Cyborg is. I don't want to go into everything with Mento and the Doom Patrol. So instead I talk about the other reason-the biggest one. "It was Raven. She opened my eyes. We were fighting-or rather she was yelling and I was cowering. She called me weak and told me that the team would be better off without me. I realized that she was right. All I've been doing is holding the team back. I'm trying to fix that."

"She was probably mad. I'm sure she didn't mean it. Besides if what she said was true Nightwing probably would've said something years ago."

"He does-the whole team does. Not so much in words, but the way they react towards me. Everyone else can mess up and it's no big deal, but when I do I can see the annoyance and disappointment on their faces. I know that the only reason they put up with me is because they have to." A tear falls. I hope Aqualad doesn't see it. "I want to prove my worth to the team. To her."

I look at him pleadingly. "Please, man. Ask Bumblebee to reconsider letting me continue training. I promise that I'll do better. I'll work really hard."

Aqualad sighs. "I'll see what I can do. In the mean time come back inside until you get your strength back."

The last thing I want to do is go back inside and face the others. "I-I just want to go home. I'll see you guys later."

"But-" he begins. I don't give me a chance to say anything else. Instead I manage to find enough strength to turn into a tiny bird and fly up high so that I can be out of sight. Slowly I make my journey back to Titan's Tower. If I don't run out of energy before then.

**BBRae**

It takes an hour longer to make it back home than it usually does. I had to makes several stops to rest my aching muscles before I'm able to fly again. By the time I finally reach Titan's tower I feel both emotionally and physically drained. Normally I would fly into my bedroom, but I know that if I attempt to do so I might pass out from exhaustion. Maybe Aqualad was right-I did over do it.

_Stop being weak!_ I chastise myself. I enter the elevator. My back hits the wall and I slide to the ground, panting. The movement of the elevator going up is making me feel sick to my stomach. I almost feel like puking. The journey took more out of me than I thought it would. My muscles are quivering and I feel sweaty and shaky.

Now I have to face the next obstacle: getting to my room without the others seeing me. Their reaction last night was bad enough. I don't even want to think about what they'd say if they see me like this right now. Especially Raven. I don't want her to see me in such a vulnerable state. My stomach growls. I decide to go to my room first to fix myself up, then grab something to eat. Then once I've got my energy back I can start working on the next part of my plan to better myself.

The elevator stops with a hard jolt once it reaches the top. I pull myself up, grabbing on the bars in the back of the elevator. _Okay BB. Just sneak quickly out of the kitchen and to your room. No one is going to see you this time._

My heart drops to my stomach as soon as the elevator doors open. At first I think the kitchen is empty, but then I see her. Standing on the other side a few feet away is the last person I want to see. Raven. For once her hood is down, revealing her lovely face. Her lilac eyes grow huge when she sees me. She folds her arms across her chest. "I don't know what you're up to, but if Nightwing finds out I'm sure he's going to kill you."

"Thanks," I say sarcastically, clutching onto the bars of the elevator to keep myself upright. "That's very encouraging."

Her features soften slightly. "You look terrible. Will you please let me heal you this time?"

My heart pounds in my chest in longing. Oh how I'd love to be alone with her. I want to tell her how much I love her. I want to be the hero she deserves. But what's the point? I know Nightwing forced her to apologize to me last night. I don't need any more of her fake concern. Not when I know how she truly feels about me. "No thanks, Raven." My voice comes out colder than I intend it to. "You don't need to waste your energy on me."

I push myself off the back of the elevator in an attempt to move past her. My knees quiver, then give out. I close my eyes and wait for the impact of the ground. It never comes. Instead I find myself falling into Raven's arms. When I open my eyes I notice we are at face level, our lips close to touching. Is that redness on her cheeks? No, I must be mistaken.

"Come on," she says in the kindest voice I've ever heard. She places my arm over her shoulders, her other arm around my waist. I don't have the energy to fight her. Secretly I don't want to. Chills run up and down my spine from her touch. I feel good for the first time in a while. Calm almost.

In a blink of an eye she teleports us to my room. Carefully she helps me sit on the lower bunk of my bed. "Lie down," she says, still in that gentle tone. I do so without argument. It's very rare to see Raven this compassionate. I'll take it when I can get it. My muscles relax instantly when I hit the mattress. My head sinks into my soft pillow. It feels so good to be back in bed. I feel like I could sleep for a decade.

Raven kneels in front of me. Her lilac eyes are fixed on me as she examines all my various injuries. I let out a painful gasp when her hand brushes my ribs. "Looks like you have at least four broken ribs." Her hands turn blue. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

I feel weird at first. I feel as though she's literally reaching in my chest and putting my ribs back together. It's extremely painful at first, but then I feel relieved. I can breathe normally now. I can't take my eyes off her. Next she heals all the various cuts and bruises that I've accumulated the past few days. Not just on my chest, but my shoulders, back and arms. I'm starting to feel somewhat normal again. "So what are you _really_ up to?" she asks.

I refuse to answer. I love Raven, I truly do. However, I can't tell her what I'm up to. The last time I told a person I loved my personal secrets she almost killed me. Besides, Raven doesn't know the real me. She would never understand.

Raven touches my face, her powers healing the bruises, black eye, and the swelling from my face. My breath catches in my throat. If only she would touch me like this because she liked me. That's never going to happen. "Look," I understand why you don't trust me," Raven says when I don't answer her question. "I said things I shouldn't have, things that I didn't mean. I just want you to know that I was serious last night. I am truly sorry for everything I said."

I allow a small smile to spread across my face. This time I can see the sincerity in her lilac eyes. She truly does mean it. "Thanks, Raven. I forgive you. And thanks for healing me."

"You're welcome." The last thing she does is heal the injury on the side of my head from the rock that hit me. "Unfortunately I can't heal this wound all the way. I don't want to risk causing more damage. However I've reduced the pain just enough to where you should only feel a slight headache." She stands up. "You look exhausted. If you'd like I can put you to sleep. You'll get your rest and feel rejuvenated when you wake up."

I stare at her. That's probably the nicest thing she's ever done for me. I want to question her motives, but on the other hand I should take her good nature while I can get it. Who knows when I'll see it again. Besides, sleep sounds like a great idea right now. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Raven's eyes glow white and she pulls up her hood. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I start to feel sleepy as soon as her spell hits. I get under the covers. "Goodnight Garfield."

"Goodnight Raven."

I close my eyes. Raven truly is a mystery-my favorite mystery. Whether she knows it or not she's healed me in more ways than one. Just by her gentle touch and kind words I feel some of my emotional wounds heal as well. She truly didn't mean to hurt me and she does care about me after all. I'm not going to let that stop me from my ultimate goal, though. I'm going to be a better teammate, a better hero. And maybe someday...someone worthy of Raven's love.

**RaeBB**

Raven was true to her word. When I wake up a few hours later I feel much better, more energetic. I could almost go for another training session with the Titan's East. On the other hand, I don't want to push my luck. So instead I use my new found energy to clean my room. It takes a while for me to find all the things that connect me to the Doom Patrol. Honestly I don't remember the last time I cleaned my room. I think the others might be right: my room is a hazard zone. Maybe I need to fix that.

After gathering everything I sit in the middle of my room and look at all the items. Then I place the items in a brown cardboard box, which is already halfway full from all my uniforms. Tears escape my eyes as I look at the various photos of the Doom Patrol. I'm going to miss them. Not just Rita, but Robot Man, Negative Man, and even though I don't want to admit it, I'll miss Mento too. He is the only father I really have. I feel bad that I'm getting rid of all these memories, but it's something I have to do. It's time for me to move on.

"I'm sorry guys," I whisper. "But I can't do this anymore."

There is only one thing of the Doom Patrol that I keep. A framed photograph of the entire team. In this picture Rita and Mento are hugging me, smiling. Mento was actually smiling happily at me. This was right after they adopted me. I can't find it in my heart to part with it, so I put it in a shoe box and back in my closet.

_All right, it's time for the new me. _I pick up the heavy box. First thing I'm going to do is burn everything that's in there. Then I've got some shopping to do after I grab something to eat. I try to stay strong, though on the inside I'm completely terrified. I hope the world is ready to see the new me. Most of all, I hope I'm strong enough to make my team proud.

**Raven**

I make sure Beast Boy is completely asleep before I leave his room. I'm glad that Nightwing and Starfire went to the mall and Cyborg is still in the garage. Otherwise Beast Boy and I wouldn't have had this moment together. A small smile is on my face, and my heart is slightly accelerated. Just touching him has made me feel things I've never felt before. I feel good, calm. It's almost like I don't have to worry about my emotions as much.

This time I know Beast Boy has forgiven me for real. Maybe this will fix everything and he'll go back to normal. I frown to myself, all my positive feelings gone. I'm not very optimistic. I can still feel that something is still really wrong with him emotionally. I have a feeling that it's going to take more than this to bring Beast Boy back to normal. Which means, getting rid of the loneliness I feel inside is going to be harder than I thought.

Yet the thing about what just happened that is bothering me the most is despite the fact that Beast Boy has forgiven me, he doesn't trust me enough to tell me what really happened. He doesn't trust me at all I realize. On the other hand I haven't exactly been nice to him. Not just the other day, but the entire time we've known each other. I want more than anything for him to trust me, and for him to know that he can come to me about anything. And maybe...maybe we could be more someday.

I get back into the elevator and make my way down towards the garage. There is only one person who knows Beast Boy the best. Cyborg. If anyone knows the best way to earn Beast Boy's trust then it will be him.

A strong odor of motor oil envelops my senses when I enter the garage. Various car parts are scattered everywhere. If I remember right Cyborg has been attempting to upgrade the engine so that the T-car can run faster-not that it needs to. Cyborg looks up when the elevator doors close behind me. "What's up, Raven?"

I notice there's a slight coldness to his voice. Obviously he still hasn't forgiven me for my outburst the other night. I let out a sigh. "I wanted to talk to you...about Beast Boy."

Cyborg raises his eyebrow. "What did you do to him this time?!"

I recoil slightly. His words are like a slap to my face. A slap I definitely deserve. "N-nothing. He's been acting so strange-even after I apologized to him. I was wondering if you knew what he is up to."

"It's none of my business and neither is it yours." My eyes lower. Cyborg's words hurt, no matter how true they are. He lets out a defeated sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, Raven. I didn't mean to lash out at you. Guess I'm worried about BB too. He's never acted this strange so long-at least without talking to me."

I decide against telling Cyborg about finding Beast Boy beaten and bloody in the elevator. I don't want to alarm him just yet. "I just apologized to him again a few minutes ago and he forgave me. I had hoped he would open up to me, but he didn't."

"BB has a lot of scars," Cyborg says. "He has a hard time trusting people. The last person he gave his trust to was Terra and you saw how well that turned out."

I knew Beast Boy has a lot of hidden scars. I've realized this over the years from various nightmares he's had, especially the one from last week. Not once has he told me what they were about. Still, there's no way his childhood could be any worse than mine was. After all, I'm Trigon's daughter. "He always seems so upbeat. His scars can't be _that _bad."

"You really don't know that much about him, do you?"

"I know enough. I know he got his powers when his parents saved him from a disease. At least Beast Boy HAS parents. The only reason I exist was to bring the end of the world."

"HAD parents," Cyborg corrects. My feet freeze on the floor. "They died in a boating accident when BB was five. BB still hasn't been able to forgive himself for not being able to save them, which is pretty interesting that he cares so much. His parents were pretty abusive to him after he turned green."

"A-abusive?" I stutter.

"Yeah," his voice becomes solemn. "They beat him severely and starved him. There's a reason why BB hates the word 'freak'. His life hasn't fared too well since they died either. That is until he joined the team."

Not even the monks or the citizens of Azarath treated me like that, even after knowing what I was born to do. How could anyone hurt someone so sweet? "I-I had no idea." I swallow hard. "What else do I not know?"

Cyborg sighs. "Look I probably said too much already. It's not my place to tell you about BB's past. All I can suggest is that you try to get to know him. Then you'll see that there is more to him than his sense of humor. It's all a coping mechanism for him. Once he realizes you are really trying to be his friend he might learn to trust you."

I stay quiet, thinking about Cyborg's words. He's right. I've never taken the time to truly get to know Beast Boy. Now that my eyes are open I want to know more about our green friend. Beast Boy never judged me when he learned about my father. It's about time I stopped judging him. It's about time I started acting like the friend I'm supposed to be.

**BBRae**

It's anther quiet dinner once the sun sets. Cyborg had grilled us burgers and Beast Boy a tofu burger, but for the second night in a row the green Titan has been a no show. For once I'm relieved. Hopefully that means he's still sleeping, even though my spell should've worn off by now. He really needs the rest. In the mean time I've been trying to figure out my next move.

How am I going to show Beast Boy that I really care? That I want to be his friend? Should I agree to do things with him when he asks? Be more encouraging? Subtle? Or should I take a risk and let it show that I can laugh at his jokes?

"Where is Beast Boy?" Starfire asks, breaking the strained silence at the table. "I have not seen him all day."

"He's probably still sleeping," I say without thinking. Since I've healed Beast Boy, my entire body has been aching. I haven't been able to think straight.

"How would you know?" Nightwing asks. A hint of a smirk is on his face.

I give him one of my glares. "Because I can sense it," I lie. To be truthful I can't feel his emotions right now. I'm not honestly sure what he's doing at the moment.

"So since you've seen him have you figured out what he's been doing?" Nightwing asks, ignoring the glare.

Now that I know a little more about Beast Boy I find myself echoing Cyborg's perspective on this whole situation. "No he didn't tell me. And I think Beast Boy has the right to not tell us. It's his life."

"Unless it's something illegal," Nightwing says sternly. "After all he's done it before."

"You are way out of line, Dick," Cyborg says in slight anger. "You know he was just a kid. Those thieves forced him to steal."

"Yes, you are being unfair," Starfire adds. "Beast Boy had no choice in the matter."

Nightwing sighs. "You guys are right. I'm sorry."

I stare at the others in confusion. Am I the only one who knows nothing about Beast Boy's past? Am I the only one he doesn't trust? My chest tightens painfully because of that one thought.

"In any case, I agree with Raven," Starfire continues, taking a sip from her bottle of mustard. "If Beast Boy wants us to know he will tell us." Her green eyes look sadly at the half-eaten hamburger. "I do miss his jokes, though."

"Hate to admit it, but I do too," Nightwing agrees.

"Me too," Cyborg echos.

I don't answer. Instead I grab Beast Boy's plate and head towards his room. I want to make sure that he's okay. Plus I don't want to talk about this anymore with the others. The fact that I am the only one he doesn't trust hurts more than I can possibly imagine. The only person I can blame is myself. I don't deserve his trust.

"Beast Boy are you okay?" I ask, knocking on the door. "I've got dinner for you."

No response. I open the door. Not only is he not in the room, it is much cleaner than usual. Where did he go? I check my communicator with my free hand. His location is offline again. I don't have time to find out. The alarm goes off. I sigh. Duty calls. I guess I'll look for him later.

**RaeBB**

"You wimps thought you saw the last of me, but here I am, bigger and stronger than ever," Adonis boasts. The man in the robot suit does seem larger than usual. His suit is twice the size as normal and is all black this time with the metal parts that portrays his "muscles". He grabs random workout machines and fling them easily against the wall. Terrified civilians hide in the corner. "So who wants to fight me first," he challenges.

"Looks like we're going to have to take you down a couple of notches," Nightwing says as we stand at the entrance of the gym that Adonis decided to crash.

"Where's Beast Boy?" Cyborg asks, noticing that the changeling hasn't joined us. "I thought you went to wake him up."

"No idea," I say, warming my hands with black aura. "He wasn't in his room and his communicator is turned off."

"We'll find him later," Nightwing says. His face is hard, just like it always is before we start a battle. "First we have to put Adonis in jail. Titans go!"

We spring into action. I rise high into the air, taking nearby treadmills with me in black aura. It takes more effort to use my powers than usual. This is normal after healing someone. I force myself to remain strong and throw the treadmills at Adonis, being careful to not hit Nightwing or Cyborg, who are fighting him below. Nightwing has been trying to disarm him with his bo staff, while Cyborg hits him repeatedly with his laser cannon. Nothing seems to phase Adonis in the slightest.

Adonis turns his attention to me when I hit him with several hundred pound dumbbells. "Hey babe. If you like it so rough, we can have some fun later."

_Ewww_ Disgust says in my mind.

**_Where's BB when I need him? _**Loneliness asks sadly in my mind. **_He'd defend my honor!_**

**No that's what I'm here for! **Rage says. **Let me out!**

_Nice try, but no, _I tell her stonily. I turn my attention back to the battle.

Adonis grabs Starfire roughly by the waist. The alien had been flying around him, shooting starbolts in an effort to distract him. "Sorry, sweet thang, but you're not my type. I like them darker." With that he he throws Starfire to the side. She hits the wall and slides to the floor.

"STARFIRE!" Nightwing yells. Angrily Nightwing throws several discs at Adonis and lands several roundhouse kicks at him, even though the robot man is much bigger and taller. Adonis merely pulls back his hand and hits Nightwing in the chest, sending him against the wall, next to Starfire.

Cyborg attempts a full metal assault on Adonis while I rush over to my friends to make sure they are all right. Starfire is rubbing her head, while Nightwing is clutching onto his arm. "Where in the hell is Beast Boy," Nightwing grumbles, wincing in pain. "I need to give him a stern talking to."

Out of nowhere a green rhino runs past us and hits Adonis hard in the side. He hits the villain so hard that part of his armor breaks when he hits the wall. A smile spreads across my face seeing Beast Boy here.

Adonis recovers quickly. "Well, well. Look who finally showed up. And here I thought you'd be cowering away at the tower with your tail between your legs. After all, you failed to keep me frozen." Beast Boy shifts into a wolf and begins growling, his hackles up. "Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. You've always been weak, and you always will be. You will never defeat me."

Something snaps in Beast Boy. He lunges at the robot, shifting into a gorilla in mid air. Then he starts pummeling Adonis like there's no tomorrow. It's like the first time we faced Adonis, except there are no chemicals in sight. Adonis tries to fend off the blows, but Beast Boy hits him harder and faster. With each hard blow, the more armor breaks off the robot man's suit.

After one last vicious blow Adonis hits the ground, his suit completely broken around him. He lets out a groan, then a sob in defeat. After making sure Adonis isn't going to attack again, Beast Boy shifts back into himself.

"I am _not _weak," he snarls.

I am taken aback. I almost don't recognize him in his human form, besides the green color of his skin. His black and purple uniform has been replaced with another suit of the same material. This suit is mostly red with black on the sides. It fits him well, showing his muscle definition. The outfit makes him look almost older than 18 years old. Beast Boy's back is to us but I notice that he seems to be standing up straighter, his head held high. I feel determination radiating from him, and a sense of physical weakness. Despite all the healing I did earlier it seems his energy is still running low.

"Beast Boy where in the hell have you been?!" Nightwing demands. "And why is your communicator turned off?!"

Beast Boy turns around to face us at last. His green face is blank-no emotion whatsoever. If he wasn't green I'd think he is a completely different person by the way he's acting. "My name is Changeling," he states. "Beast Boy is dead."

**To be continued...**


	6. Part V

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait. I've been busy with work. Anyway here's the next part. Please review and tell me what you think. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans Cyborg wouldn't have interrupted the BB/Rae moment so soon in "Spellbound"

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part V**

** Raven**

The gym goes completely silent as we stare at the green Titan before us. It's so silent you can hear a pin drop. I struggle to find something to say, but am totally flabbergasted. I wasn't expecting him to change-especially not this drastically. What on earth has gotten into Beast Boy? Am I still to blame?

"S-say what?" Cyborg says after a strained silence.

"You heard me," Beast Boy answers, coming closer to us. His voice is still emotionless. "I am no longer Beast Boy. Instead you are to call me Changeling. Or Garfield if you prefer."

"But why?" Starfire asks. "I do not understand."

"Because I've come to the realization that it's time for me to grow up, so that's what I'm doing. No more jokes, no more pranks. It's time for me to be serious."

We all glance at each other. I can tell by the look on the others faces that nobody is liking this new change at all. This is almost worse than when those chemicals were running through his system.

"That's fine," Nightwing says. "But that doesn't answer my question. Where have you been?!"

"I was running some errands. I forgot to turn my communicator on after I changed. I'll see you guys later."

"We're not finished," Nightwing snaps at Beast Boy. "You are being extremely irresponsible. I want to know what you've been up to."

Beast Boy doesn't change his expression in the slightest. He's acting more and more like me it's starting to get scary. "It's not your concern. All you need to know is that I'm not getting into trouble."

I sense Nightwing's anger at Beast Boy, Starfire's confusion, Cyborg's concern, and Beast Boy's indifference. Normally I can help resolve any conflict between my teammates, but this time I have no idea what to do or say.

"Well I think that's great B-uh Changeling." Cyborg says in an attempt to diffuse the tension. "Just don't get too serious. You'll end up being just like Dick."

"That's the plan. Except I'm going to be better." Without another word Beast Boy turns into a green bird and heads towards home.

"Oh Azar," I whisper to myself. "What have I done to him?"

"I'm starting to think that it's not just because of what you said to him the other day," Nightwing says, calming down. Obviously he heard me. "Something more serious must be going on with him. Maybe something to do with his past. I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with the Beast."

"I'll talk to him," Cyborg says. "Maybe I can get him to tell me what's going on."

Nightwing nods in agreement. "Good idea."

The others start the journey back home. I, however, stay right where I am. It takes a lot to suppress the emotions that are struggling to come out. Depression sweeps me from head to toe. I wish with all my heart that I could fix my mistake-to restore Beast Boy back to the funny, cheerful teammate that he used to be. But I have no idea how. I know nothing about him: what happened in his past, what makes him sad, makes him happy. All because I never took the time to get to know him. It's going to be a long, sleepless night. All because of how strong the guilt and loneliness is inside me.

**BBRae**

_The surroundings I found myself in were very foreign to me. I was in a lush forest. The leaves from the trees and the grass and bushes were so green that Beast Boy could easily blend in. Sounds of various animals communicating with each other could be heard everywhere. It would seem that I was in some sort of jungle, but not sure where. I wiped the sweat off my face. Wherever I was it was uncomfortably hot. _

_ A strange building in the distance caught my eye. I decided to check it out. Maybe it would give me a clue to where I was. As I got closer I noticed the building was made of what looked like muddy bricks, the roof looked like it was made of grass. How strange. I had never seen such structures like this before. _

_ A man I didn't recognize strode past me. He looked to be in his early thirties. He had a rugged appearance-very appropriate for the jungle. His short blonde hair was drenched in sweat from the temperature. I noticed he was clutching a long rod in his hand. Three long strips of thick leather hung at the end. Some kind of whip. Is that something that is used in the jungle? The man paid no attention to me. He entered the strange building I had been heading towards. I hung back, unsure what to do. I still had no clue where I was. _

_ "Get up, freak!" The voice I guessed came from the man who just passed me. "Look at me. Show me your ugly face." I heard a muffled reply. I was too far away to hear what was being said. "Speak up when you talk to me, boy," the man snarls angrily._

_**SMACK!**_

_An agonizing scream came from the house. The sound was so loud, so piercing it hurt my ears. It probably could be heard for miles. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and my breathing became shallow. Whoever that man was he was hurting the other occupant. I had to investigate. When I got closer to the doorway I could hear the other person more clearly. I let out a gasp when I recognized him immediately. _

_ "P-please Father," Beast Boy said very weakly. He had fallen to his knees. Even though he was wearing his brand new red uniform, he looked younger. In fact he looked about 14- the same age he was when I first met him. A large rip was down the front of his uniform, blood seeping fast down his green chest. "I-I didn't mean to disobey you or mother. I-I tried not to change. I can't help it."_

_ Beast Boy's father swung his arm back, then flung it forward. The object hit Beast Boy fast and hard, casing more tears in his uniform. The green boy let out another ear piercing scream and fell onto his stomach on the ground._

_ "You are an abomination. A mistake." Another lash on Beast Boy's back. Another shriek of pain. "Your mother and I should've let you die. You're worthless!"_

_ I couldn't take it anymore. His screams were haunting. I couldn't let him suffer any longer. I pulled up my hood, my hands turning black. "LEAVE. HIM. ALONE! AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!" The force of my power sent Beast Boy's father through the wall of the house and several yards away._

_ I didn't hesitate. I ran over to the green boy in front of me. His hands were protectively over his head. _

_ "Oh Beast Boy," I said sadly, dropping to his level. The back of his uniform was practically ripped off and dirty. All I could see was the long, red marks all over his back. Some were old and healed into scars. Others were bright red and split open, blood seeing fast. I gasped, seeing bruises all over his body-bruises in the shape of a fist, a shoe print. The worst of it all his green skin was stretched so tight I could see his ribs easily. It looked like he hadn't eaten in days. I felt my heart break seeing my teammate, the one I care so much for, in such a terrible condition. _

_ "Beast Boy, it's okay," I tried to say in a comforting tone. Instead my emotions wavered and my voice was on the level of hysteria. Surprisingly this didn't cause my powers to go awry. _

_ He didn't move. I started to panic. Was he dead? Was I too late? I shook his shoulder. "Beast Boy?!" No response. I shook harder. "GARFIELD!" _

_ The green Titan started shaking violently, from fear and the excruciating pain he must be feeling at the moment. Beast Boy started sobbing hysterically. "P-please stop. I-I'll be good. I promise!"_

_ His anguished cries tore at my very soul. "Shh it's okay," I repeated softly. "I won't let them hurt you anymore."_

_ My hands grew blue. While I healed him I could feel his pain-the stinging from the whip, the aching from the bruises and broken bones, the painful lash in the middle of his back, an angry injury on his side. 'You're going to be okay." Tears fell rapidly down my face. I couldn't help it. Seeing Beast Boy so badly hurt shattered me in a way I didn't think was possible. _

_ At last Beast Boy seemed to have gathered some strength. He lifted his head to look at me. "W-who are you," he asked timidly._

_ I couldn't resist. I ran a hand through his emerald hair in an attempt to soothe him. It was so soft. "I'm a friend. I'm here to save you."_

_ I expected him to be grateful, relieved. Instead he continued to stare at me with such mistrust in his green eyes. "You're not here to save me. You're here to hurt me-just like all the others. It's what I deserve, because I'm the village freak, the mistake."_

_ "No! That's not true!" I stutter. "None of that is true at all! You are not a freak! You are a hero, my friend. The one I lo-."_

_ "Stop!" Beast Boy shouted, his hands over his pointed ears. "Stop telling me lies!"_

_ "But..."_

_ "Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson too." The blonde man was back, looking so furious he face was flushed. I attempted to prepare my shield to protect the both of us, but wasn't quick enough. The whip flew forward causing more pain than I ever felt before. Then the world slipped into nothingness._

I am awoken by my own scream- a scream so bloodcurdling I'm sure that I just woke up the entire tower. I sit up fast, my hand clutching my chest. My heart is pounding so hard against my chest it hurts. Sweat pours down my face, mixed in with the tears. I struggle to breathe. All I manage is short gasps.

That dream felt so real. I felt every terrible blow that was inflicted on Beast Boy as if I was the one receiving the blows. The worst part of all this is what I dreamed actually happened. Except I wasn't there to save him.

The door opens, flooding light into the room. "Raven, are you okay?" Nightwing asks in concern. He is dressed in a blue nightshirt and black pajama bottoms. His mask is covering his eyes as always.

Nightwing isn't the only one at my door. Starfire is beside him in a long flowing pink nightgown. Cyborg is on the other side of Nightwing. Beast Boy is behind them all in the same night clothes I saw him wear last night when I came to apologize. Indeed I did wake up the entire tower with my nightmare. "I-I'm fine," I manage to say after a moment. I can't take my eyes off the green changeling. After a nightmare like that I doubt I'll ever look at him the same again. "Just a nightmare."

The masked wonder gives me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. It was just a bad dream. It wasn't real. If you want to talk about it, you know where to find us."

His words don't make me feel better. In fact I feel worse. The dream may not have been real for me, but it was real for Beast Boy. I lock eyes with the changeling. Even though I know it was just a dream I'm so relieved that Beast Boy isn't hurt-at least not at the moment. I nod at Nightwing in acknowledgement of his words.

"Goodnight Raven," Starfire says sweetly. "I hope your dreams are more pleasant."

The team disperses to go back to their respective rooms. All except Beast Boy. He continues to watch me with his intense green eyes. I know that he's fighting the impulse to comfort me. Oh how I wish he would. I need him so badly right now. "Are you all right?" he asks finally.

I nod again. I suppress the urge to invite him inside. I want desperately for him to hold me in his arms until all the fears went away. I know that he would if I asked, but that could lead to him asking what my nightmare was about. I don't want to relive it. Most importantly I don't want _him_ to relive it. After a moment, Beast Boy shuts my door.

I lie back on my bed, shakily pulling the covers with me. I'm wide awake now. As childish as it may sound I'm too terrified to fall back asleep; to see those horrible images of Beast Boy being beaten being played over and over again in my head like a broken record. I sigh wearily. It's going to be a long night.

**RaeBB**

_**'**We shouldn't be doing this!' _Guilt says loudly in my head. The worse Beast Boy gets, the more powerful she's becoming. It's starting to really wear me down.

'If he won't tell me about his past, then I might as well find out for myself.' I shoot back, trying to ignore the fact that deep down I know that she's right.

_**I agree with Raven** _Rude says, inviting herself into the conversation. _**This is the only way we can go back to sleep**_

I shut off my emotions the best I can. My eyes are focused on the large computer screen in front of me. I gave up going back to sleep after 3AM hit. The only way I'll be able to find some peace of mind is by finding out more about Beast Boy's past. The only way I'm able to justify my actions is by constantly reminding myself that this is slight payback for him hacking into the computer to find out when my birthday was a few years ago.

I hesitate for a second, then click on the yellow folder on the computer screen labeled 'Beast Boy'. A document is inside called 'Personal info'. I take a deep breath, then click on that as well.

Beast Boy's file is like mine. It lists all the basic stuff: Real name, aliases, Date of birth, location of birth, parents names, list of powers, strengths and weaknesses. I learn that he was born in Africa to American parents who were working there as scientists. That explains the lush green forest in my dream. His birthday is January 16th.

I scroll past the basic information to get to the part I was looking for. History. Then I read the long paragraph below.

_After the death of his parents at age 5 Garfield was kidnapped by two thieves who forced him to use his powers to steal and commit other various crimes. Once they were caught by the authorities the courts appointed a guardian by the name of Nicholas Galtry. However Galtry was more interested in stealing the Logan inheritance that Garfield was to receive when he turned age 18. This caused Garfield to flee his adoptive father who attempted twice to have Garfield murdered. The second assassin who attempted to murder Garfield was stopped by Mento and Elasti-Girl from the Doom Patrol. Seeing potential in the green shape shifter, the couple immediately adopted Garfield at the age of 8 years old. _

The last note on the file reads: _Reason he left the Doom Patrol: unknown_.

I click off the file and lean my back against the chair. I feel absolutely drained. I always thought he had this perfect life, despite being green. Oh how wrong I was. I had no idea that he had encountered so many bad people -people who were supposed to take care of him, and make him feel safe. A tear falls down my cheek. No wonder he doesn't trust people. No wonder he doesn't trust me. I hate myself for every harsh word I ever threw at him.

I have to make this up to him. I have to show him that I'm not the cold bitch that I portray myself to be. I have to show him how much I really care about him, and want to do everything I can to protect him. But how? He's changed so much already.

I shut the computer off then head to bed, formulating a plan. Starting tomorrow I'm going to go out of my way to spend time with him. I hope he doesn't freak out from my change in character, but it's the only thing I can think of that might get him to trust me. Then I could possibly bring him back to the Beast Boy that he used to be.

**Changeling**

I storm away from the battle course arena feeling completely frustrated. Battle practice this morning didn't go well at all. I was so sore that I made several mistakes. Worst of all, I had the slowest time again. I don't understand. I've been working so hard these past couple of days and instead of improving I seem to be doing worse. Either that or Nightwing is still mad at me from last night and upped the controls. Whatever the case may be I'm extremely disappointed in myself for the lack of progress.

"BB man wait up!" Cyborg calls from behind me. I continue walking. That's not my name anymore. I refuse to answer to it. His metal hands grabs my arm. "Changeling, stop."

I stop instantly. Cyborg walks in front of me. I know what he wants. He wants to hang out-either a video game marathon or a movie marathon. I fight the urge to agree to do such things. I'm supposed to be serious. Not to mention I need to make up for my failure at practice. "Not today," I say before he can continue. "I've got things to do."

"No man. You've been avoiding me the past couple of days. You owe me at least _one_ game!" He says this in such a forceful tone that I soften slightly.

He's right. I haven't been a good friend lately. And after all, Cyborg was the one who was there for me after my fight with Raven-the one who convinced me to stay on the team. I'll play a couple of games with him then go work out. I can get a good workout before I go to the Titan's East for another round of teammate vs. teammate combat. I sigh. "All right."

I sit down on the couch a few minutes later, the white controller in my hands. I wonder what game Cy is going to want to play this time. A racing game? Monkey Kombat? I can't help but feel like this is a waste of time. I could be working out right now.

Cyborg sits next to me on the couch, also clutching a controller. He doesn't turn on the TV. I reach out to grab the remote to do so when Cyborg stops me. "What's going on?" he asks seriously.

I don't bother trying to play dumb. He would just see right through me. "I don't want to talk about it," I mumble.

"Are you having trouble controlling the Beast," he asks worriedly. "Do you need another antidote?"

I shake my head. "No. It's nothing like that."

"Then why are you acting so weird? Is it because of Raven?"

"Yes...no," I sigh. I long to confide in my best friend. I want to tell him everything like why I'm doing this and the real moment this all started-even before my fight with Raven. I want to tell him about Mento's message a few weeks ago and the loss and anger in my heart. I can't. If I tell Cyborg everything he'll try to get my hopes up by telling me that I'm not weak. That I don't need to change. I don't need to hear those lies. "It's complicated. All you need to know is that I'm trying to be better. A better person and a better teammate."

I drop the controller on the couch then stand up. It has become obvious to me that Cyborg didn't want to play games with me. He just wanted to find out what I was up to. Probably Nightwing's orders. I wish Nightwing would just let it go. I'm not doing anything wrong. "Don't worry, Cy. I'll be fine."

Without another word I leave the living room to go back to my room. I can't waste any more time. I have to get ready for practice this afternoon.

**BBRae**

I throw my red gym bag over my shoulder. I catch myself in the mirror. It's going to take me a while to get used to my new uniform, but personally I like it. I feel like myself-not molded into someone by another person. I open my window. The only way I can escape my teammates is to leave the tower this way. Their constant badgering on what I'm up to is starting to get suffocating. I need to escape.

**Knock Knock**

I sigh in frustration. Nightwing isn't going to give up, is he? I wonder who he sent this time to talk to me. I should just go ahead and leave through the window but find myself walking towards the door anyway. I drop my gym bag by my desk. Might as well get this over with. "R-Raven?" I stutter when I open the door. "What are you doing here?"

Her hood is down. I notice that she's twirling her long violet hair between her fingers. That's something I've never seen her do. She looks extremely nervous. That's out character for her. Beside the incident with her father, Raven is always so confident. "I...was wondering if you wanted to get lunch with me. I suddenly have a craving for pizza."

I stare at the dark empath in suspicion. Raven has _never_ invited me to do anything with her. I was the one who invited her to do things-which she always declined. Oh how I would love to go get pizza with her alone. I'd love to ask her out on a real date. But I know she only considers me a friend. Plus it's obvious that Nightwing put her up to this. "Sorry, Raven." I struggle to talk normally. I fail. My voice is flat. "But I've got to go."

"Where are you going?"

"Back to the comic book shop," I say, thinking of the first place off the top of my head. "There's a new edition of my favorite comic series that is released today. I need to get my hands on it." Guilt surges through my veins. I just lied to the girl I love.

"Can I come with you?" I'm taken aback. _Raven _wanting to go to a comic book shop? She notices my surprise reaction. "I just want to spend time with you."

I raise my eyebrow. "Since when?"

Raven looks ashamed. I almost feel bad questioning her motives. "Well it occurred to me last night that the reason you don't trust me is because I haven't taken the time to get to know you. I-I want to do that now-if you let me."

I continue to stare at her. I feel like I'm dreaming. I never thought I'd see the day when Raven would actually want to spend time with me. I want to take this opportunity with all my heart, but I can't. It's clear to me that this change is working. I won't be ready to show Raven the real me until I've completely improved myself.

I sigh. "I'm sorry. This really isn't a good time. I'll see you later." Before she can say anything else, I close the door.

**RaeBB**

_20...21...22...23...24...25_

With a swift motion I use the muscles in my torso to pull myself off the ground and towards my knees. My breathing is labored as I complete the sit up, followed by another. And another. Despite all my efforts to loosen my muscles I feel like I'm straining myself more and more. I can feel the fatigue already and I have only been here for thirty minutes.

_26...27...28...29...30_

Since the gym that Adonis crashed is still in ruins I went to the gym in the next city over-Gotham. I haven't been in Gotham in a while and it brings back memories that I have been trying to forget. Once I got to this gym I jumped on the treadmill. First I ran as myself, then several animals so that each animal got its own exercise. I've been trying to ignore the stares from the citizens of Gotham. I'm sure they're wondering what I'm doing all the way out here instead of working out at the tower. That doesn't matter. All that matters is that I get prepared for the training with Titans East, assuming Aqualad was successful in convincing Bumblebee to let me continue training with them. After I finish doing sit ups I'll do ten minutes on the punching bag, then make the journey over to Steel City.

_31...32...33...34...35_

I grit my teeth in an attempt to rid myself of the massive guilt I'm feeling on the inside. I hate that I was such a jerk to my best friend and that I blew Raven off. I know that they do care about me and want what's best for me. But if they knew what I was really up to they'd know how weak I truly am-despite what I told Adonis last night.

_36...37...38...39...40_

"I didn't realize that comic books were being sold here," a monotone voice says, breaking into my troubling thoughts.

Ice runs swiftly through my veins. Please tell me that isn't who I think it is. When my chest reaches my knees in another completed sit up I see Raven standing in front of me, her hood up. My back hits the mat I'm laying on. The fatigue I'm feeling is starting to consume me. I sigh in defeat. "How did you find me?"

"The location on your communicator."

Damn. I forgot to turn it off before I left the tower. I was too occupied with thoughts about my conversations with Cyborg and Raven. At least I don't have to worry about Nightwing getting mad at me again.

"Why are you working out here instead of the tower?" Raven asks. I close my eyes, my hands resting over my sweat-drenched face. I don't answer. Now that my secret is blown I'm ashamed that she found me here. "Beast Boy, look at me."

I don't comply. I know it's going to take my friends a while to get used to calling me by my new name, but I refuse to answer to my old one. Just hearing the name "Beast Boy" makes me cringe.

"Garfield-."

**BEEP BEEP!**

The communicator hanging on the white belt around my waist goes off. Raven's doesn't. That means that someone wants to talk to only me. I glance at Raven. "Do you mind?"

She gives me a penetrating stare then floats to the other side of the gym. I open up my communicator. "This is Changeling."

Bumblebee appears on the tiny screen. "Changeling?" she asks in confusion.

"Nevermind. What's up?"

She looks completely serious. My heart sinks. This is definitely not good. "Look, we've been talking about what happened yesterday and we feel that you should take some time off. Get some rest and gather your strength. Then you can work out with us once or twice a week."

I should've expected this, but her words are like a slap in the face. I've only been working out with them for two days and she's already given up on me. They all must think I'm weak too. I start to get angry and depressed all at once. How am I ever going to improve without the extra training?

"Please Bumblebee. Don't do this to me. I need you guys to help me. Without you I won't have the chance to be the hero I need to be. I-I'll stop being weak. I'll try my hardest."

"Beast Boy you are _not _weak. My decision is based on your personal heath. What you're doing is dangerous."

I don't believe her words for a second. She's just trying to soften the blow. Just like the others. Since she's the leader of Titans East I can't stop her from making this decision. "Fine. I'll talk to you next week."

I close my communicator, then my arm hits the blue mat. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. I will not show any emotions. I will _not_ cry here. I will _not_. It seems that no matter what I do I'm proving Mento right. I am weak. I'm not a real hero. I'm...I'm a failure.

I feel a hand on my cheek. It's cold, which feels amazing on my sweaty face. "Bea-Changeling? Are you all right?"

My eyes snap open. Raven is kneeling beside me on the mat. I notice that her hood is down again and concern is all over her beautiful face. Her entire attitude change has caught me completely off guard. Besides yesterday, I've never seen her so compassionate towards me. It seems my theory from earlier is correct. Now that I've stopped being the idiotic joker and comic relief of the team she's paying more attention to me than she has in the four years we've been living in the tower together. I definitely can't give up now. I'll continue working out and improving myself-even if I have to do it alone.

I sit up. That proves to be a big mistake for a wave of dizziness sweeps me fast. My head is pounding so hard it's like a large sledgehammer is being whacked against my brain. Before I can stop myself I turn away from Raven and puke. It's a struggle to stay upright. My muscles are quivering. Embarrassment becomes another strong emotion to surface. I hate appearing vulnerable-especially in front of Raven.

Her hand is on my back in an attempt to help me stay upright. "Y-you're scaring me. Please tell me what I can do to earn your trust so that I can help you. Please. I-I'll do anything."

I look at her. She looks all blurry for some weird reason. There is no way I'll make it back home on my own this time. "T-take me home. A-and promise me that you won't tell the others what you saw today. Especially Nightwing. Can you do that for me, Raven?"

She hesitates, then gives me a smile that almost looks forced. Or maybe that's because she still looks blurry. "I promise."

After using her magic to remove the vomit from off the mat, her arm wraps around my waist. I start to relax immediately. She surrounds us in black aura. I struggle to stay conscious. It's a risk trusting Raven with something like this, but I hope with all my heart that she won't betray me like Terra did.

**To be continued...**


	7. Part VI

Hey guys! Sorry about the longer wait My computer decided to completely die and it has taken some time to get it fixed. I hope you all are well and enjoy this chapter. Please review and let me know what you think. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would've introduced Kole and Gnark earlier in the series. I think they are an awesome team :)

**Just The Way You Are**

**Part VI**

** Changeling**

The sun is completely set once I arrive back at the tower. My entire body aches after another strenuous work out session at the gym. I had hoped that since I started the process of improving myself a week ago that my muscles would get used to the extra work outs. Instead it almost feels like the exact opposite. It's harder to concentrate on the tasks during battle practice with the team, and I feel like I'm about to die every time I finish. Honestly I think it's just because I haven't been working out hard enough. So I've started a new routine in hopes that I will improve more. Now my days consist of: battle practice, two hour work out at the gym, a protein bar for lunch, one on one training with Jason, my personal trainer at the gym in Gotham. Then there's dinner of another protein bar, two hours back in the gym, then bed. At the end of every day I feel both physically and mentally fatigued, but satisfied. So far I've managed to lose weight and build the muscle that I've been lacking. The best part of all I have more energy than I ever had as a kid.

Now that I'm done with my final workout of the day I'm making my way to Raven's room. It takes a little more time than usual because I'm so tired. I know once I see her I'll feel better. Not only have I been spending more time with her and telling her stories of my life, she's been healing my aching muscles and any bruises or torn skin I happen to accumulate during my training sessions with Jason. Thankfully today all I have tonight is sore and aching muscles.

The communicator on my belt goes off again. I ignore it. It's Bumblebee or Aqualad I'm sure. They've been trying to get a hold of me the past few days but I never respond. I don't want to talk to them-I don't need her sympathy. I don't want to take the opportunity to fail again.

Now that I mention it, Raven is the only one I talk to anymore. I don't see the others much besides missions and battle practice. If I'm totally honest with myself the only reason I'm avoiding my friends is because I'm ashamed. Ashamed that I've been such an unreliable teammate all these years. I feel terrible for avoiding them. I know that I'm hurting them, but I don't want them to see me until I've completely improved myself. Since Raven has already seen me like this I feel that I can trust her. Despite all I'm doing to improve myself I'm still unable to forget not only what happened to Rita, but all the terrible events in my past. Oh how I long for things to go back to the way that it used to be, but it's too late now.

**Knock Knock**

I step away from the door, clutching onto my throbbing arm. I probably overdid it this time on the punching bag after dinner. I have a throbbing headache again and I feel like I'm going to puke. I don't care. Raven will heal me. She always does. The door opens a crack. "H-hey Raven," I manage.

She doesn't say a word. Her door opens wider to allow me entrance. I was surprised at first when she let me in the day after she found me at the gym in Gotham. But then it became clear to me that she truly does want to be my friend. She wants to earn my trust. It took a healing session for me to finally let my guard down and start telling her stories of my life. The best part is Raven truly is listening to me. This change in her makes my love for her grow. If I manage to find the courage I might tell Raven that I love her-even though I'm not finished improving myself yet.

I sit on the bed, enjoying the softness of her mattress. Her bed is so much softer than mine. My aching muscles look forward to it every time. Raven joins me on the bed. As always she's assessing me with her violet eyes. She doesn't say a word. Her hands grow blue and hover over my throbbing bicep. Her medical touch is like aloe on a bad sunburn. As always I struggle to keep my heart in my chest and my breathing normal. To ease the tension I begin telling her a story. Only this time the story has nothing to do with my childhood.

"I've never been lucky in love. And it's not just because I didn't have the opportunity to date. The truth is despite the fact that I always bragged that chicks dig the ears, every girl I ever had a crush on was repulsed by what they saw. They constantly forgot that I have great hearing and could hear every time they called me a freak behind my back; my green skin was unnatural; the fang scared them." My throat tightens. I struggle to keep my emotions back. I'm still not comfortable enough to break down in front of her. Besides I'm supposed to be a man, not a wimp. "No girl ever took the time to get to know me. That is-until Terra came into my life."

Raven stops healing me. Is that jealousy I see in her violet eyes? I long to tell her the truth: that Raven was the first girl I crushed on since I arrived in Jump City, but I chicken out. Instead I stick to the safer topic. "Terra was the first girl to see past my appearance and truly get to know me. At least I thought she did-until she turned against us. That's why I've been so afraid to show you the real me."

Raven looks into my eyes. "I understand. I've never really been lucky in love either. You're not the the first one who called me 'creepy'. Malchior was the first one I thought loved me, but he betrayed me too." Her hands move to the side of my head. I've been clutching onto it for the past ten minutes. Her hands grow blue again. "Do you still love Terra?"

"No," I admit honestly. "I never really loved her, just the idea of her. She wasn't the girl for me. She wasn't the girl that I truly could open my heart and soul to. She's not...you."

Raven's eyes grow wide. I summon up my courage. Hesitantly I reach until my hand disappears inside her hood and lands on her cheek. "The past couple of days I realized that I can trust you with all of me-and that maybe, just maybe you are the girl for me."

A lightbulb in the hallway shatters. We both ignore it. At last Raven speaks in her usual monotone, yet it quivers slightly. Her eyes never leave mine. "I will never look at you like the other shallow girls did. I will never betray you like Terra did. I promise."

She moves closer. I wrap my free hand around her waist. "I know. That's why I love you."

Gently I lower her hood. Raven's eyes grow wide, but doesn't stop me. I lean in closer. "Thank you," I whisper. "For healing me, for keeping my secret, and most importantly: thank you for being you."

Before I can stop myself I press my lips gently against hers. She tastes a lot sweeter than I imagined her to be, but I don't mind at all. In fact I want more of her. I pull her closer, my hands now lost in her long violet hair. Raven hesitates at first, then kisses me back.

The rest of the lights in the hallway go completely out. I want to continue kissing her, but Raven pulls away. "I-I think I need to meditate."

I nod in understanding. I can tell that everything that I revealed to her is overwhelming her emotions. "I-I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again."

I leave her room, feeling happier than I have in a long time. I just had my first kiss; my first kiss with Raven. It was everything I hoped it would be-and more. I know she didn't tell me that she loved me too. I'm not too worried. The fact that she kissed me back proves that reciprocates my feelings. It's only a matter of time before she says the three words I've been longing to hear from her for so long.

** Raven**

I don't even bother trying to meditate. I go directly into my mirror. If I don't the entire tower will be in ruins. My heart is racing in my chest, my cheeks flushed. Breathing is rather difficult. Unfortunately Beast Boy's kiss didn't affect me in the way I had hoped. Instead of feeling happy, I feel...depressed. My emotions seem worse than ever. I have to find out what's wrong.

Since it's my own mind I know where each domain of my emotions are located. Knowledge's domain is in the far left; Happy in the lower left; Rage in the far right; and Timid in the lower right. All the sub emotions such as Rude, Wisdom, and Sloth can be found in small corners of their respective domains. I have one destination in mind: Happy's domain. Beast Boy's confession had to have made a difference this time. She should be back. Hopefully.

When I enter Happy's domain at first I think I'm in the wrong place. Instead of the place being bright pink and cheerful it's dark and gloomy. In fact it's worse than Timid's domain and that's saying something. Sad grey theater faces float in the air instead of the strawberries. The sky is dark and gloomy as if it could rain any second. Something is definitely wrong. "Happy?" I call uncertainly. "Are you here?"

I hear nothing in response except what sounds like sobbing. My voice echoes around me. "Happy, you can come out," I try to say encouragingly. I fail. "Something wonderful has happened."

"Happy doesn't live here anymore," a sullen voice responds. "This is my domain now."

My heart sinks when the light blue emotion emerges from the shadows. I had hoped that after everything that had happened she would've had disappeared by now. Loneliness stops in front of me. I can't stop staring at her appearance. Her hood is down revealing her unkempt hair and sunken eyes. Her shoulders are slumped and she wears such a sullen expression on her face that I almost take a step back. Tears are in her eyes and she's hugging herself tightly.

"I-I don't understand," I manage after a moment. "Beast Boy and I have been spending more time together. Why are you still here?"

Loneliness wipes her swollen eyes. "B-because I miss him!"

I stare at her incredulously. "How can you miss him? He just kissed me and told me he loves me. There's no reason why Happy shouldn't be here right now. I should be _happy_."

"You're not happy because that isn't Beast Boy. That's Changeling. We miss the real him-the happy, go lucky joker That is the Beast Boy we love."

Loneliness' words hit me hard. I realize that she's right. All this time I thought things would be better if Beast Boy was serious-that I would like him more with less of his jokes. But the truth is I like him just the way he was. Things haven't been the same and I haven't been the same. Now I fear it's too late.

I tell Loneliness a quiet goodbye and exit my mirror. The clock on the wall reads 2AM. It looks like it's going to be another sleepless night. I slide to the floor, my back against the wall. I let out a depressed sigh as the light blue emotion consumes me. If things don't change I fear that I'll never see Happy again, and that's a very depressing thought.

**Knock Knock**

Nightwing opens the door slightly without permission. I'm too upset to yell at him for the intrusion. "Sorry to wake you, but we're going to have a meeting. Come to the conference room in five minutes."

I struggle to my feet. I wipe my face. I've got to seem normal even though I'm breaking on the inside.

**BBRae**

When I enter the conference room five minutes later I can feel the tension in the air. Nightwing is pacing back and forth in front of the rectangular table in the middle. Starfire is at the table, nervously running her fingers through her long red hair. Cyborg is sitting across from her, his head in his robotic hands. I immediately notice who's missing.

"Where's Bea-I mean Changeling?" I ask.

"I didn't invite him," Nightwing says shortly. "Shut the door."

I shut the door behind me. "What's going on?"

Nightwing continues his pacing. "I summoned you all here at this time of night because I'm really worried about Beast Boy-as I'm sure you all are. I feel that we should do something before he spirals out of control. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed his deteriorating condition."

Cyborg looks up from his hands. "Normally I would tell you that we should let it go and let the problem run its course, but I'm beginning to agree with you, Dick. I saw him earlier this afternoon and I thought for sure that he was going to collapse. It's not good for the team for him to be in such a state. More importantly, it's not good for him. "

"Agreed," Starfire says sadly. "The fact that he does not do the "hanging out with us" anymore worries me greatly. But what can we do?" Her voice becomes timid, very unlike her at all. "H-how can we help him?"

"I was thinking about planning an intervention," Nightwing says, stopping his pacing and standing in front of the table. "I know that it's a bit soon, but I figure the sooner the better. The only problem is I still have no idea what he's been doing that's been causing his change of condition. I'm not sure how to approach this when we talk to him."

I remain silent. A mental battle is going on in my head.

_We need to tell them_ Wisdom says in my head. _It's the right thing to do_.

**No! **Guilt yells back loudly. **We can't do that! We promised we would keep it a secret. We don't want to lose Beast Boy's trust! Especially since we know how he feels about us!**

_He won't be around much longer if we don't_ Wisdom argues back. _Besides what he's doing is hurting our friends. I know this will hurt Beast Boy and betray his trust, but it's the right thing to do. _

**But-**

"He's been working out at the gym in Gotham after battle practice and after dinner," I admit quietly to my friends. I lower my head. "He's been doing one on one with a trainer in the afternoons also."

Nightwing turns his focus on me. "How do you know that?"

"Because...because I found him in the gym the other day almost passed out. And I've been healing him every day since then. "

"Why didn't you tell us sooner? We could've had this problem already resolved!"

I sigh. "He begged me to keep it a secret. He's going to hate me when he finds out that I told you guys all this." I struggle to keep my emotions content. "But I am also very worried about him and miss the real him as much as you guys do. I want to help him too." _I'm sorry, Beast Boy_.

"You did the right thing telling us, friend," Starfire says gently. She gets up from her chair to put a hand on my shoulder. I'm so distraught I let her.

"Yeah. BB will forgive you once he realizes you were just looking out for him," Cyborg agrees.

I sigh again. "I hope so."

A strained silence filled the room. I pull up my hood to hide my face. I don't want the others to know how hard it's getting to be to hold my emotions back. The silence is interrupted a few minutes later by the sound of Nightwing's communicator going off. He pulls it out of his pocket to stare at it.

"Who would be calling this time at night?" Cyborg asks.

"It's Bumblebee," Nightwing says. Confusion is on his face. "What's up Bee?"

The volume is loud enough we all can hear what is being said on the small device. "I'm so sorry to call so late, Dick," Bumblebee says. "But we're worried about Beast Boy. He won't answer me on the communicator anymore."

"Why are you trying to get in touch with him?" Nightwing asks.

A pause of hesitation. "He had been training with us for a few days earlier this week, but I had to put a stop to it because we were concerned about his declining health. And now that I can't get in touch with him I'm really worried. Please tell me that he's okay."

"He's okay for now, but I'm afraid he won't be for much longer if we don't do something." Nightwing turns to us, still keeping Bumblebee on the line. "Okay team this is what we're going to do..."

I can't help but tune him out. A terrible pain is in my chest. It feels as though my ribs are being squeezed tightly it's going to crush my heart. It's nothing how I feel in my soul. I feel extremely nervous and devastated all at the same time. All that hard work I did the past few days to earn Beast Boy's trust was all for nothing. Now he's going to hate me for betraying his trust and I deserve it. A silent tear falls down my cheek as I already feel my heart start to break.

**Changeling**

The first thing I do once I wake up the next morning is grab the energy drink that is sitting on my nightstand. It's half full. I don't need much just a swig or two to give me the energy to rise from bed. My muscles protest as I force myself into a sitting position. If I allowed it I probably could sleep for an entire week, maybe two. I can't do that. I have way too much to do. First thing I'm going to do is have my daily protein bar then head to the gym. Since there's no battle practice this morning I can work out even longer. I sigh in relief once I'm out of bed and fully dressed. It shouldn't take that much energy to do these simple tasks, but I feel heavy, as if a large boulder is on my shoulders. I need to get to the gym asap to loosen up my muscles.

**Knock Knock**

I stare at the door in front of me. I feel like it's mocking me. I hate that I've been avoiding my friends. I miss them so much it hurts.

**Knock knock**

I glance at the window. It's my only escape route.

"Garfield, it's me."

My heart pounds in my chest hearing Raven's monotone voice. This can be either good or bad. Either she's going to reciprocate my feelings or reject me. I hope with all of my being that it's the first one. Gathering up my courage I open the door to face the girl I love.

Raven is breathtaking this morning. Her long violet hair is damp from shower. Her eyes seem brighter than usual, but there is anxiety on her usually blank face. "G-Good morning, Raven," I stutter.

"Hey, before you go work out this morning Nightwing waned to discuss new battle plans with the entire team."

"Okay." I allow her to grab my hand, pulling me down the hall. Her grip is so tight it's almost painful. I don't mind. I love the feeling of her hand clutching mine.

Raven stops abruptly, making me almost crash into her. We're standing at the end of the hallway about to enter the common room. She turns to face me. I see more emotion in her eyes than I've ever seen. Affection, Concern, and what is that-. Her arms wrap around my chest. She hugs me tightly, catching me completely off guard. This is the second time since we've known each other that she's hugged me willingly. After recovering from the shock I hug her back, planting a kiss on her head. Being this close I can smell lavender, just like her tea. She smells so good.

"Whatever happens just know that my feelings for you are real." Raven says after a long moment. Then she pulls away and leaves the hallway. I immediately follow close behind.

The common room has a lot more people than I expect. Not only are the other Titans here, but so is the Titans East. Each Titan is in various parts of the room. My guess is that whatever Nightwing has planned also includes them. That means something major must be going on in the city that requires both teams. However once I'm fully in the room I can feel the tension radiating off the walls and see the serious expression on everybody's faces. Something really bad must've happened. I hope with all my heart that someone didn't die. I can't handle another loss like that. Every person in the room starts staring at me, making me feel very nervous.

"What's going on?" I ask carefully.

Raven grabs my hand again and begins to pull me towards the couch. "Sit down with me," she says gently. Reluctantly I do so. I can feel the muscles in my legs start to throb just by this simple action.

"W-what happened?" I struggle to get out. It isn't easy. I feel all the air in my lungs escape me, making it difficult to breathe. Already my voice is starting to crack. "Who died?"

"Nobody died, man," Cyborg says, leaning against the window on the left of the gigantic TV. "We all want to talk to you. We are here because we are concerned about you."

I stare at the half robot man in confusion. "Concerned about me? Why? I'm fine."

"You are not fine," Nightwing says, folding his arms. His back is to the TV. "We never see you anymore and when we do you're always covered in bruises or look like you're about to collapse. Not to mention it looks like you haven't slept in a week."

"You have been skipping meals," Starfire adds beside Nightwing.

"You don't hang out with us at all." Cyborg says. A lump forms in my throat hearing the hurt in his voice.

"Worst of all, you don't smile or tell jokes anymore." Raven says from beside me.

I jerk my head to look at the empath sitting next to me. "You told me you hated my jokes, you hated my sense of humor. I'm doing what you want. I'm being serious! And now all of a sudden you have a problem with it?!"

"And I told you I didn't mean it!" Raven responds forcefully. One of the light bulbs in the kitchen shatters. "I _like_ your sense of humor and jokes. Besides it's not just your lack of humor that has us concerned. It's your personal health. You are not you and that's what is scaring me-scaring all of us."

I pull away from Raven. I get up fast from the couch, ignoring the dizziness that occurs from this action. I sway but manage to keep myself on my feet. "You don't get it. _None_ of you guys get it! This _is_ the real me! The joker you all want back is just a fraud, a phony. I hate that person and refuse to be him anymore!"

"Look it's not just your change of behavior that has us concerned," Nightwing says calmly. "It's the fact that you've been overexerting yourself-first with Titan's East, now with a personal trainer. I understand that you want to be a better hero, but this is _not_ the way to do it. You could put the rest of us in danger-or worse: yourself!"

My heart is pounding hard against my chest. I feel like my entire world is crashing all around me. My teammates, my friends are turning their back on me. They see the weakness in me and are repulsed, just like I knew they'd be. Just like Mento, just like the Titan's East. I try to stay strong, but it's nearly impossible. I'm losing everything I care about so fast. Soon I'll have nothing left at all. I stare at Nightwing pleadingly. "You don't know what you're talking about. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm doing better. Improving."

"You are _not _improving. You're doing worse," he argues back. "Your response times have been a lot slower. Bumblebee told us you passed out on their training course."

"Yeah because of a rock that was designed to hit me," I shoot back, glaring at Bumblebee who is standing right next to Cyborg.

"Raven also told us how she found you collapsed in Gotham the other day. And that she's been healing you in secret ever since."

I whirl around, glaring at Raven furiously. This is turning into a total nightmare. The girl I love, the person I was starting to truly trust with my heart and soul did exactly what she said she wouldn't do. She broke her promise. This is what I get for trusting people. It always comes back to hurt me in the end. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted you! You're just like Terra!"

"Beast Boy-" Raven starts.

"THAT'S NOT MY NAME!"

"The point is," Nightwing says, "You are not well. So until you are better you are not allowed to train with us or go on missions. Do I make myself clear?!"

His words are like a final slap in the face. I struggle to keep the tears from falling. It isn't easy. The last string holding me up has finally snapped. "Yes," I say monotonously. "It's clear to me that I'm not worthy to be on the team anymore. No need to sugarcoat my failures, Dick. I've obviously overstayed my welcome. I'll do you all a favor. " I rip the communicator off my belt once again. I throw it-not caring where it lands this time. "I quit!"

"No!" Starfire cries in anguish.

"Please!" Cyborg echos in almost the same tone as Starfire.

Nightwing opens his mouth to speak again, his face an ashen color. I turn my back on him, my arms folded. I find myself face to face with Raven. Tears are in her violet eyes, threatening to fall at any second. Eyes that are full of regret. I'm too angry to care. I know in my heart that I will love her until the day I die, but this is something I can't forgive.

"D-don't leave me," she whispers in a tone that reminds me strongly of Timid in her mind.

I glare at her. As cold as it may sound I hope I never see her again. In fact I'll be perfectly content if I don't see anybody in this room for as long as I live. "I don't love you anymore."

I push past Speedy and Mas and Menos to go back to my room. Nothing is going to stop me from leaving now. I have no one left that I can depend on. The only person I can trust is myself. Now it's time to start the next stage in my life as it's supposed to be-with me alone.

** Raven**

Nobody says a word once Beast Boy leaves the common room. I can feel everyone's pain, confusion, and extreme worry radiating the area. A sob escapes my throat. I'm not making the same mistake twice. I turn and run after the green shapeshifter. Thankfully he's not moving very fast due to his weakened condition.

"Garfield!" I grab him by the shoulder to force him to stop. I'm practically sobbing at this point. "I-I'm sorry I broke my promise! We're all worried about you. We don't want to lose you. _I _don't want to lose you! You always manage to help me express myself and I'm sorry with all my heart that it comes out in a negative way. With you in my life I actually feel normal. I can't lose that. I can't lose _you_. Please! Don't leave me!"

Beast Boy stops. His back remains turned. "I'm done, Raven. I tried to make you laugh or even smile, but all I ever got was your temper. I tried to be serious like you wanted me to be, but all you did was use me and betray my trust. You clearly are not the girl I thought you were. None of you guys were the friends I thought you were. I'm done with the Titans. I'm done with _you_!"

I move in front of him. With a trembling hand I reach out to touch his face. He knocks my hand away before I can touch him. This simple action causes the literal ripping of my heart. Beast Boy isn't acting out of anger. He means every word he said. "Goodbye Raven," he says coldly.

He leaves the hallway. I slide to the floor, my back against the wall. I rest my head in my knees. At this point I don't care if I'm destroying the whole tower with my emotions. The pain that I'm feeling in my heart is worse than any pain I've ever felt before. Not even Malchior hurt me this badly. I lost the one person who truly cared about me. I'll never forgive myself for driving him away. I can feel Loneliness leave my mind. My cloak rapidly changes from dark blue to solid black as I am consumed with a brand new emotion. An emotion even worse than Loneliness- an emotion I feel that I will never escape: Despair.

**To be continued...**


	8. Part VII

A/N: Hey guys, thanks for your patience. I'm back with more :) I'd like to thank all my wonderful reviewers. You guys have been great and have helped me in many ways shape this story the way it's turning out. I love it and appreciate you guys so much. Please continue to tell me what you think and enjoy part VII! Love, Ellivia22

Dislcaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Red X's identity would've been revealed (After Robin)

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part VII**

** Cyborg**

** One Week Later...**

_Sleep cycle complete_

The slab I use as a bed rises up, putting me into a standing position. Normally I'd be all pumped and ready to start the day. Instead I keep my eyes closed an extra five minutes.

_Sleep cycle complete_

Without warning the bed tips just enough for me to fall forward. I barely have enough time to catch myself before falling on the ground. "So much for hitting the snooze button," I grumble to myself. Once I've stabilized myself I trudge over to the small computer across from my bed.

"What's the plan for the day," I mumble, pushing on the icon on the screen labeled _Daily schedule_. Technically I don't need to. Instead of the usual list such as combat practice, breakfast, play video games, and various other activities with my friends, this list only consists of two items.

-Check on Rae

-look for BB

I've been looking for him every day since he left. I've checked all his usual hang outs, the gyms in both Gotham and Jump City. I feel like I've searched every inch of both cities. I've even searched through all of Steel City. No sign of him.

I let out a depressed sigh. Ever since Beast Boy left a week ago, the tower has been in complete shambles. All of my friends have changed so much I don't recognize them anymore. Star has lost all of her cheerful spirit, Nightwing lost all his dedication and motivation. If you were to look for him he'd just be on the couch watching TV. The most surprising is that Star and Nightwing have been fighting _a lot_. In fact they can't go a day without fighting. The topic is always the same: whether they should try to find Beast Boy and bring him home. This is not the worst of it, though. The person who is in the worst condition after the changeling left is Raven.

Of the four years we've all been living together I've never seen Raven like this. Actually _seen_ probably isn't the best word, since I haven't seen her since the intervention. Instead she's been locked in her room. No matter how hard any of us try we can't get her to come out. She's taking Beast Boy's departure the hardest and I suspect it's not because of the argument they had that started it all. I always knew Raven had feelings for him. If only she admitted them sooner. Then maybe none of this would've happened.

If I'm honest with myself, the person I blame the most for this whole mess is Beast Boy. He will always be my best friend, but I don't understand how one minor argument could make him doubt himself so much. I never thought he'd change so drastically. He thinks he's becoming a man, but it's the exact opposite. Becoming cold and shutting people out is such a childish thing to do. Especially since we were just trying to help him. Next time I see him I'm going to give him a MAJOR talking to. My heart sinks. _If_ I ever see him again.

When I reach the kitchen five minutes later, I immediately realize that it was a mistake. Starfire and Nightwing are at the kitchen counter still in their night clothes. Starfire's eyes are bloodshot, red and have dark circles under them. Nightwing's black hair is messier than ever, and his unshaven face is almost becoming a full, but unkempt, beard. The pair are glaring at each other. Looks like they're at it again. I should just turn around now and have my computer make me breakfast, but for some reason I enter the kitchen anyway, trying my best to tune them out.

"I do not understand what has gotten into you, Dick," Starfire says angrily. "Instead of looking for Beast Boy all you have been doing is sitting in front of the television! Is that all that matters to you anymore?!"

"Hey, I'm just giving everyone a chance to grieve the loss of Beast Boy," Nightwing argues. "We'll be back to normal very soon."

"He is _not_ dead!" Starfire yells back. "But he will be if we do not find him!"

"He left us, Kori! He quit! He doesn't_ want_ to be found!"

"So you are just going to give up on him?! After everything we have been through as a team?!"

"If he's going to act like a child when we're just trying to help him then I don't _want _him back!"

"He is not well!" Starfire argues. The pink coffee mug in her hand breaks into pieces because of her alien strength. "He was not in the right state of mind. We are his friends. We cannot just give up on him!"

I almost make it out of the room with my bacon and eggs when Nightwing stops me. "Help me out, Vic. Help me make her see reason."

"No Cyborg. Tell Dick he is being a bad friend. Tell him we need to find Beast Boy."

I look at my teammates wearily. "The last argument I tried to intervene in was between BB and Raven. I'm _not _making that mistake again. You guys are going to have to work this out on your own."

Before they can say another word I leave the kitchen. I think it would be best if I eat all my meals in my room from now on.

**BBRae**

There is one thing I need to do before I begin my daily search for Beast Boy. I need to check on Raven. She is like my little sister and I hate that she's locked up in her room all the time now. At this point I've had enough. I'm going to get her out of her room-even if I get blasted by her powers.

"Raven, it's me, Cyborg," I say, knocking hard on her door. The sound echos down the silent hall. "I'm really worried about you. Please come out. We can try to find Beast Boy together."

No response. I hesitate for a moment, then punch in the security code that's on the wall by her door. The door opens easily with a swish. The room is pitch black, making it nearly impossible to see. I turn on the light in my shoulder so that I can navigate in the dark. "Rae? Sorry about the intrusion. I'm just checking up on you."

"Beast Boy, is that you?" a timid voice asks from the corner. Raven.

Before I can answer, another voice speaks. It's sounds like Raven again, but harsher. "Of course it's not Beast Boy! We drove him away, remember?"

I wonder who Raven is talking to. Ice runs through my veins once I find the empath. She's standing in the corner of her room, facing the wall. Her hood is up and no longer the dark blue color, but solid black. She's alone.

"R-Raven?" I stutter in worry. This isn't good.

"I-I didn't mean to drive him away," Raven continues in that timid voice. "I-I was just trying to help him. I-I didn't mean to break my promise."

"Well you did," Raven's harsh voice is back. "You broke his trust and drove him away. Now because of you we'll forever be alone."

"No!" Raven wails "I-I don't want to be alone!"

"You are alone. _We're_ alone and it's all your fault!"

"Raven, you aren't alone." I attempt to touch her shoulder in hopes to snap her out of whatever trance she's in. Instead she protrudes a black shield of aura, preventing me from getting to her.

"D-don't worry, Raven," I struggle to say in a confident voice. It isn't easy. As unmanly as it may be, I am utterly afraid seeing my little sister in such a state. "I-I'm going to fix this. I'll find Beast Boy."

"Beast Boy is gone and never coming back," Raven says sadly. I can't tell if she's talking to me or herself. "Without him, nothing matters anymore."

I get out of the room as fast as my mechanical legs will let me. I've got to fix this. I've got to restore the team back to the way it was; I've got to bring my friends back to normal. The only way I think I can do that is by bringing Beast Boy back to the tower. I never realized how much his real self impacted the team. Without him we are a mess. My battery is fully charged, so I'm going to look for him all night if I have to.

"How is she?" Nightwing says, once I close the door behind me. His voice makes me jump. I wasn't expecting him to be behind me.

I turned to face the masked leader. I sigh heavily. "She's not good at all. We have to find Beast Boy. I have a feeling he's the only one who can help her now. Besides, bringing him back is the only way to restore the team. The truth is, I agree with both you and Star. Beast Boy was acting childish when we tried to help him before, but he's still our friend and our fellow teammate. We never give up on each other no matter what. We need to find him before it's too late."

Nightwing sighs. "You're right. I know you're right. Deep down I know Beast Boy wasn't in his right mind when we confronted him that day. I guess I was just hoping that my plan would work. I hate it when I fail, because I feel like I'm disappointing everyone. So I've been blaming him for my failure."

I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "To be fair, it is mostly his fault. Now our mission is we have to make him see that it's okay to make mistakes. Making mistakes is part of being human. Let's make this right and save him before it's too late."

Nightwing nods. "I'll meet you in the common room in ten minutes."

The first thing I see when I enter the common room ten minutes later is Starfire mixing some strange purple and green pudding in a bowl. She finally changed out of her nightgown, but that's pretty much all she's done. Tears are rapidly falling down her face. I grab her arm and pull her from behind the counter. "Come on, Star."

Starfire looks at me in surprise. "Where are we going?"

I give her a look of determination. "We're going to look for Beast Boy. And we're not coming back until we find him."

"And when he says we, he means all of us," Nightwing says, entering the room. He's now wearing his black and blue uniform, clean shaven, and hair brushed. "I'm sorry, Kori. You were right."

Starfire's face lights up a little. "Thank you, Dick." She immediately puts away whatever it is that she was making. "Will Raven be joining us?" she asks hesitantly.

I shake my head. "For right now we're going to have to do this mission without her. I promise that once we find Beast Boy, that'll help Raven too." _I hope_ I think to myself in anxiety.

The three of us enter the elevator to take us to the garage. I struggle to remain hopeful, but it's difficult to do. It's been a week, he could be long gone. Or worse: Beast Boy could be dead. He was in such a terrible state the last time we saw him. Beast Boy is my best friend and I refuse to give up on him. I will keep searching for him until I find him at last.

**RaeBB**

The next couple of hours we use many different tactics in locating Beast Boy. First we search together in Jump City, hitting all his main hangouts again. Then we split up in separate directions. Starfire soars high in the sky over in Steel City, checking any signs of Beast Boy being in bird form, then searching all the areas there. Nightwing spends most of the day in Gotham, interviewing anyone he sees if they had seen the green Titan. I stay in Jump City driving in my car. Since Beast Boy's DNA is still on file from the time that the chemicals ran through his system a few years ago, I've been using it as a tracking device. Unfortunately it won't find him if he's in animal form-only human form. Which if he's still in the city that explains why I haven't found him.

After checking the Jump City gym for the umpteenth time I decide to park my car by the soccer field. I can check out the park again. I don't know why, but I have a good feeling about it this time. Perhaps it's best friend's intuition. I hope with all my being that it's right.

"Beast Boy?" I call out cautiously. The citizens in the park playing Frisbee, soccer, and other activities stop to stare at me. I ignore them. "Garfield? Please come out if you can hear me. I just want to talk to you." Nothing.

I scan every part of the park and soccer field with every form of technology I have available. I continue calling his name, in hopes that he will answer back. I'm not that optimistic. He was pretty mad when he left. If he's still mad how in the hell am I going to convince him to come back if I do find him?

Without warning the sensors in my arm goes off like crazy, making a loud high pitched beeping noise going off every five seconds. I glance at my arm. A black arrow flashes on the screen pointing in the direction of the woods. My heart pounds in my chest. I've only checked the woods once or twice. Could it be possible that I missed him?

I don't hesitate. I immediately contact Nightwing and Starfire. "Guys I think I found him. Meet me at the woods right next to the soccer field right away."

"On my way to your coordinates," Nightwing says.

I don't wait for Starfire to respond. I run into the woods, my eyes glued on the black arrow pointing me in the right direction. I'm so full of adrenaline I don't pay attention to where I'm going, which causes me to trip and fall a couple of times. I don't care. I can't stop. All I know is I'm going deeper and deeper in the woods. _I'm going to find him_ I think in excitement. _I'm going to find him at last_.

I come to a screeching halt. The arrow is no longer pointing anywhere now, but the sensor is still beeping every couple of seconds. I find myself in a wooded clearing. There is a fire pit in the middle surrounded by long logs. It looks like it's an area that has been used for camping. The fact that I'm still surrounded by trees and bushes makes the campsite seem out of place, but fitting for someone trying to escape in the wilderness. Is this where Beast Boy has been hiding? I look in every direction. I don't see him anywhere. But he has to be very close by.

"BB, man, I know you're out there. I just want to talk to you." I hear nothing in response except the various woodland critters communicating with each other. I refuse to give up. Not when I'm this close. "If you want to prove that you're a man then show it! Come out and face me!"

I cross my arms patiently. I'll stay here all night if I have to. A few minutes later a green figure emerges from behind the trees. The beeping on my arm starts going off every second instead of every five. I shut it off. "So that's how you found me," he says once he's in view. "You've been tracking me."

"By your DNA," I confirm. "But only in your human form."

"I figured you guys were looking for me," Beast Boy says monotonously. "That's why I've been living here as a wolf, but today I wanted to feel human for once." He lets out an exhausted sigh. "What do you want?"

I can't stop staring at my best friend, my former teammate. The past week hasn't been kind to the shapeshifter. His brand new red uniform is torn and dirty. It also looks too big for him now. I wonder how much weight he's lost. His hair is longer and shaggy. Upon closer inspection I notice his green face is a lot paler and he has dark circles under his eyes. Eyes that were once full of life are now empty. He's panting and sweaty-as if he's just came back from a ten mile run. His knees are shaking, making it very difficult for him to stay standing. This is the worst I've ever seen him. I'm surprised he's still alive at all, given the current state he's in. "You look terrible."

"I'm fine. I just finished my daily run." he responds shortly. He leans against the tree, folding his arms. "I'm not coming back to the team, so if that's what you've come here to talk about you can just leave now."

"Look, Raven isn't doing well," I say, making Beast Boy freeze. "She hasn't left her room since the day you quit. We've tried everything we could to help her, but she keeps getting worse. You are the only one who can help her now. Please, come back to the tower and see her."

Beast Boy tries to remain indifferent, but I can see the worry all over his green face. "I have nothing to say to her. She betrayed my trust and broke my heart. I don't want anything to do with someone who pretends to love me to know my secrets. She doesn't care about me. _None_ of you do. I'm better off alone."

"She was trying to help you. That's what we all were trying to that day. Despite of what you think, we _do _care about you. You are our teammate and the best friend I've ever had. The fact that you abandoned us has hurt me more than anything."

"And how do you think I felt all the times you guys made fun of me because my jokes are so terrible? Or sigh in annoyance when I mess up during battle practice or missions?! No matter how hard I tried before, I was never good enough. Now I'm in the best shape of my life and finally being the man you want me to be. How can you not see that?!"

I feel guilty by his words. It's true we often made fun of Beast Boy for his bad jokes and puns, but he always took it in stride before. And I admit to being a little annoyed when he didn't take things seriously and messed up on important missions. I never took it in account that he noticed our reactions or that it affected him so much. However, my guilt is overridden in anger and frustration towards him for his stubbornness and childish behavior. Nightwing's words from when I joined the Titan's East all those years ago ring in my head all of a sudden. Now after all these years I finally understand what he was trying to tell me that day.

"Because when I look at you I don't see a man. I see a spoiled child who throws a tantrum when he is offered help. Open your eyes, man, and see what you're really doing to yourself before it's too late. It's time to grow up and accept that making mistakes means doesn't mean you're weak. It means you are human. Come home. You need us, and we need you."

Beast Boy seems to lose all the strength in his legs. He slides to the ground, his back against the tree. He sighs in defeat. "I...I lied to you. I didn't turn human because I wanted to...I turned human because I didn't have the energy to stay in animal form." His voice is quivering. I notice his eyes are no longer looking at me, but staring off into space.

I start to get really worried every minute that passes. "Are you all right?"

"I feel...weird." He mumbles. His eyes close half way. I rush to his side. I place a hand on his chest to keep him from toppling over. I'm shocked to feel tremors coursing through his body and he's drenched in sweat. His heart his pounding at an alarming rate. I check his vitals on my arm. I nearly gasp because of the results:

Blood pressure: 60mm

Temperature: 102 degrees

Heart rate: 180 BPM

Beast Boy keeps his eyes closed and is letting out shallow, pained gasps. "You're really sick," I say in complete panic. "Let me take you back to the Tower."

I can't tell if he hears me or not. His breathing becomes more strained. "I know that...that I've over done it. It's just...I wanted you guys to be proud of me. T-to show him that I'm a hero." A tear falls down his green cheek. "I failed," he whispers.

His eyes close and he starts to fall forward. I keep my hand on his chest to keep him sitting up. I've got to get him to the medical bay before it's too late.

"Cyborg!" Nightwing calls, rushing up to us. Starfire isn't far behind him. "We came as soon as we could." He stops dead in his tracks seeing the passed out teen beside me. Starfire lets out a terrified gasp. "What happened?!" Nightwing demands.

I stand up, lifting my best friend easily in my arms. I glance worriedly at Nightwing. I'm impressed and grateful that he and Starfire arrived so quickly. "He's really sick. We need to get him help now!"

Hurriedly I carry my best friend to the car, my heart pounding. If I came too late to save him I'll never forgive myself. I hope with all my heart that I found him in time.

**Raven**

For the first time in my life, suppressing my emotions hasn't been a problem. Or perhaps I haven't been battling my emotions because I don't have many of them left. My mind is enveloped in darkness. Now the only thing I feel anymore is Loneliness, Anguish, and Longing. The longer that Beast Boy is gone, the worse it's getting. I've tried to remain positive, but it's been so long that I've accepted the fact that he's never coming back. I've lost him forever.

_And it's all your fault. You are a terrible person. _

"No I'm not a terrible person," I try to tell my dark emotions. "I've saved so many lives; helped so many people. I saved everyone from my father."

_And yet it's your fault that your father took over the world in the first place. You knew for years what you were destined to do and instead of doing what should've done, you let it happen anyway._

A tear falls down my face. The one of many. "If I took the easy way out I would've hurt my friends."

_You've already hurt them enough already. You always push them away instead of accepting them in your life. You put their lives in danger when you let Malchior loose._

A sob escapes my throat hearing the name of the dragon who broke my heart so many years ago. "H-he lied to me. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I-I just wanted to be loved."

_Only one person truly loved you. Beast Boy. But you drove him away. You told him you hated him and look what happened. He's never coming back and it's all your fault. No one will ever love you like he did. You have nothing left to live for_.

Shakily I pull the dagger from inside my dark cloak. It was the dagger the monks of Azarath gave me before my journey to Earth. It's the length of my arm with the word _Azarath _on the silver blade. The handle is black with a violet jewels, one on each side. I test the blade, nicking my finger in the process. Blood runs from the wound. After all these years it's still very sharp.

I hesitate. "But my mother in Azarath, the monks of Azarath. They all say suicide is immoral. And my friends. I-I don't want to hurt them more than I have already."

_They'll be happier without you. The team will be better without you. _

I roll up the sleeves of my leotard. I whisper apologies to the friends I'm going to hurt; an apology to Beast Boy, and an apology to myself.

Before I can slide the blade down my wrist, the door to my room opens, flooding light in the room. Quickly I hide the dagger back in my cloak. Another time. "Raven, you have to come quick." I recognize the voice as Cyborg. "We finally found Beast Boy, but he's really sick. I-I don't know if he's going to survive the night."

My heart stops beating for a split second. Did I just hear Cyborg correctly?

_Don't listen to him. He's just trying to instill you with false hope._

I shut off my emotion, my heart pounding hard in my chest. Cyborg is like my big brother, he would not lie to me. I don't waste any time. I follow Cyborg out of my room and down towards the medical ward. If Beast Boy is in critical condition like Cyborg says then I hope with all my heart I will make it in time to save his life.

**BBRae**

Once I reach the medical ward my feet freeze on the ground. There is so much stress in the room that I'm already starting to get a migraine. Nightwing and Starfire are standing by a bed. Nightwing has his arms around Starfire as she sobs quietly into his shoulder. A green figure is lying in the bed, hooked up to various machines. Beast Boy.

In a daze I make my way towards the bed. I am unable to hold back the gasp seeing the one I care for so deeply in such a state. A tube is connected in his arm, also an IV in his hand. An ice pack is on his head. His uniform is completely ripped open on the front, at least twelve wires are connected to his chest. His skin is no longer green, but an almost grayish color. The heart monitor is beeping ever so slowly it sets my nerves on edge.

"I'm giving him fluids and am trying to get his temperature down," Cyborg says quietly from behind me. "I'm hoping that might help keep him alive, but I don't know how long he's been like this, or if there is anything else wrong with him."

If I'm honest with myself I should've expected Beast Boy to succumb to such a state. Yet seeing him so sick, so weak, breaks my heart into a million pieces. I can't let him die. I've got to save him. "L-let me heal him." I stutter the first words I've said to my friends in a week.

"NO!" Nightwing says sharply. "I know you want to save his life, but he's too far gone. You could put yourself in danger."

"I don't care. This entire thing is my fault. I-I drove him to this. I owe it to him."

"Raven, you didn't do anything," Cyborg says sharply, standing right next to me. "Beast Boy did this to himself. You are _not_ to blame."

I don't believe a single word. They're my friends, they're just trying to make me feel better. Now that I'm close to Beast Boy I can feel how weak he really is. A tear falls, followed by another. Cyborg is right. Beast Boy really is going to die. I can't let this happen. I just _can't_.

I pull up a chair on the other side of Beast Boy. I bury my head in my hands. I try to calm myself down. It isn't easy. I'm reaching the level of hysteria. I don't even need to look to know that objects are levitating. I'm surprised the others aren't trying to calm me down. Perhaps they know that nothing they can say will console me.

I continue to act as upset as I feel. Secretly I'm formulating a plan. All I have to do is be alone with Beast Boy, then I can save his life. Yes I realize it will cost my own, but he deserves to live. I want to give him that, even if I'm too late to give him my heart.

**RaeBB**

It's nearly one in the morning and the tower is quiet. I've been in my room meditating, making sure that I have enough strength for what I'm about to do. Beast Boy's so close to Death's door I'm sure I'm going to need to use all the strength I have. I've also been waiting for the others to fall asleep so that they won't stop me. Unfortunately it looks like they're not going to sleep anytime soon. Looks like I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures.

Using my magic I teleport into the ceiling. I move around the tower until I am above the medical ward. I look in the room to see Nightwing and Starfire sitting on an empty hospital bed, watching Beast Boy anxiously. Starfire has her head on Nightwing's shoulder. Cyborg is sitting at the computer, glancing nervously at the numerous computer screens that are monitoring Beast Boy's condition. Beast Boy is still lying motionless in the hospital bed. The heart monitor continues to beep, but still at that slow, agonizing rate.

"Dormi profondamente," I chant softly, directing the spell towards my friends. Instantly Nightwing and Starfire fall back on the bed, fast asleep in each others arms. Cyborg slumps against the chair and begins to snore loudly. This way my friends aren't able to stop me from what I'm about to do. Then I enter the room and make my way over to the hospital bed.

"Oh Beast Boy," I whisper tenderly, my hand resting on his chest. I have to concentrate really hard to feel his chest rise up and down. My heart clenches in my chest when I realize that in the past few hours Beast Boy hasn't improved at all. His skin is still close to the same color as mine and yet as I feel his forehead I can feel how hot it still is. "I-I never meant for any of this to happen. I-If I knew, I never would've said those things to you." A tear slides down my cheek. "I never would've said any of the mean things I've ever said."

I close my eyes "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," I chant, barely above a whisper. The first thing I do is heal all the scrapes, torn skin, bruises, and other various injuries that Beast Boy acquired the week he was gone. Instantly I feel pain flare in my chest, arms, legs, and back, but I ignore it. I'm on a mission.

While I continue to heal him, I think of the first time I met him all those years ago. How he was weary of me at first, but slowly warmed up to me when he and Cyborg went into my mind. I smile to myself. That was the first time Affection appeared.

_"Y-you stayed? I thought you didn't like me."_

_ "Thought you didn't like me."_

Next I chant a couple of refreshing spells under my breath to ease the obvious strain that's taken hold of his body. This action causes my muscles to feel like they've been stretched far, like a rubber band. A tear falls from my eyes as another memory comes in my mind. The time when Beast Boy was truly there for me in my time of need.

_"No. I'm sorry that he broke your heart."_

_"I know it was all a lie. But he was the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't...creepy. And don't try to tell me I'm not."_

_ "Okay. Fine. You're _way_ creepy. But that doesn't mean you have to stay locked up in your room. You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not."_

I let out a sob, remembering that even though the hug was brief, I had never felt more safe being in his arms. It's a feeling I've longed for since that moment. A feeling I will never have again. If only I had been there for him. I place my hands on his forehead to reduce the fever, that shockingly has been rising. My head starts to feel hot as I take it away from him. I ignore it. Instead I think of the only time I was ever there for Beast Boy.

_"Having that thing inside doesn't make you an animal. Knowing when to let it out is what makes you a man."_

_ "Hmmm. Maybe you should call me 'Beast Man' from now on."_

_ "We're having a moment here. Don't ruin it."_

_ "Beast...dude."_

I'm starting to feel really sick now. I feel weak and light headed. The world is beginning to spin. I struggle to stay focused. Even though Beast Boy's finally showing signs of life, such as his green skin being back to normal, he's not completely better yet. I have to keep going.

As I perform hydration spells and all the spells that I can remember from The Book of Azar it finally hits me why Beast Boy's condition has such a great impact on me. Why I've been so miserable without him the past week. Something that I've been denying from the very beginning. Love.

I love him. Not in a crush way, but real love. I love everything about him. I love his jokes, I love his smile, his spirit, and his heart, despite all the hardships he went through in his life. I love how he makes me feel every time he talks to me, and every time he's protected me. I even love him for his serious side, his dedication. I love all of him. A love worth dying for.

_"I will never look at you like the other shallow girls did. I will never betray you like Terra did. I promise."_

_ "I know. That's why I love you."_

My energy is running out. I'm going to black out soon. Using the remaining strength that I posses, I lean over and kiss Beast Boy gently on the lips. They are warm. "I know that this is late, but I just want you to know that I love you too."

After I pull away, the last remaining of my strength runs out. Then everything goes black...

**Changeling**

When I wake up I feel great. In fact I haven't felt this good in months, years. I feel like I can easily run around the world three times. I sit up easily, stretching my back. Once I open my eyes I realize that I'm in the medical ward at the tower. How in the hell did I end up here? The last thing I remember is coming back to my camp area after my run.

I start to get out of bed, but find that I'm attached to a dozen machines. The heart monitor, an IV rack, other medical machines that Cyborg uses that I don't know anything about. What happened to me? Before I can get out of bed I feel the blood in my veins turn into ice. _Oh no! It can't be! But it is!_

An agonizing scream escapes my throat as I see a black robed figure lying face down on the floor, located on the right side of my bed. Her long violet hair is spread everywhere, covering her face. She isn't moving.

"RAVEN!"

**To be continued...**


	9. Part VIII

A/N: I owe you all a very long overdue apology for the extremely long wait. I've had a busy month from getting sick, to going on vacation. I also got a new tattoo. A BBxRae one as a matter of fact (yes I'm that much of a geek, lol). And writer's block. I'm very sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter and that it was worth the wait. I love you guys and appreciate you being patient with me. Please review and let me know what you think :) Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I'd put myself in the show. Maybe as a citizen or crazy fan. Lol

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part VIII**

** Changeling**

My entire world comes to a screeching halt. I am positively terrified seeing Raven's motionless body lying on the floor. What could have happened to her? Why is she like this? Did this happen because I left the team? Is this my fault?

Quickly I pull off all the wires that are attached to me. My arm starts bleeding instantly from the IV being removed, but I don't care. Raven is the only thing on my mind. I have to get to her. I sink to the ground right beside her. I grab her shoulders, gently turning her until she's laying fully in my arms. _Please be okay. Please be okay. PLEASE!_

I shake her gently. "Raven? RAVEN?! WAKE UP!" Tears are in my eyes when I take notice how much paler her face is-her skin is almost white. Her eyes are shut tightly. Dark circles are under them and her face is thinner as if she hasn't eaten in days. My hopes of her being okay quickly start to fade when I notice how limp she is in my arms. "No-."

I hear Starfire's horrified gasp from behind me. I pay no attention to her. My hand rests over Raven's heart, closing my eyes in concentration. At first I don't feel anything. I struggle to keep the tears back. Did I lose her before I could say goodbye? Then I feel it-the slight rise and fall of her chest.

"S-she's alive,"I whisper in immense relief.

"Put her up here," Nightwing instructs, coming beside me. He points to the empty bed next to the one I woke up from. I immediately do as instructed. Nightwing moves to the other side of the bed and starts hooking up Raven to the same machines I was hooked up to just minutes before. Now that I've taken a good look at her I realize how terrible of state that she's in. She looks really sick. A multitude of emotions consume me all at once. I choose the emotion I'm feeling the most at the moment: Anger.

"How could you let this happen?!" I say angrily to Nightwing. "You guys were supposed to be taking care of her!"

Nightwing looks up from what he's doing to glare back at me. "Do NOT put this on me! It's your fault that she's like this!"

"Knock it off, both of you," Cyborg says sharply. The robot man grabs me not so gently by the arm and forces me to sit down on the bed I was just laying in. He bandages my still bleeding arm. Then he uses his robotic arm to scan me. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I say in irritation. "You should be trying to save Raven, not checking me out."

"Well," Nightwing asks impatiently as he places a clip on Raven's finger to measure her heart rate. Slowly the heart monitor starts to beep. The sound puts my nerves on edge.

"All his vitals are back to normal," Cyborg says. "BP is 100, temperature 98.8. His heart rate is slightly elevated, but nothing like it was before."

"I'm having opposite readings," Nightwing says anxiously, looking at the screens on the machines Raven's connected to. "Raven's blood pressure is extremely low, and her temperature is 105 degrees. Her heart rate is barely 25. What worries the most is that she's not healing herself. She must be too weak."

"So she did do it then," Starfire says sadly.

"Looks like it, Kori" Nightwing says in a mixture of anger and sadness. "I told her not to."

I don't understand what they're talking about. I look at the anxiety and sadness on each of my friends faces in confusion and fear. I refuse to be left in the dark any longer. "What did she do?!" I demand. The more I hear, the harder it is to keep my emotions back. At this point I either want to tear this place apart or completely break down."Why is she like this?!"

"Raven saved your life," Cyborg tells me solemnly. His human eye bores into mine. "She used all her power and energy to heal you."

I stare back in disbelief. What in the hell is he talking about? Nothing's wrong with me. Before I woke up here I just came back to camp from my daily five mile run. Right? I rub my head. Now that I think about it, my memory is a bit fuzzy.

"You do not remember," Starfire asks, speaking to me directly for the first time. "Do you?"

"I remember coming back to the wooded area where I had been living after my daily run," I mumble. I strain myself to remember more. Nothing. "But that's pretty much it."

"So you don't remember our conversation at all?" Cyborg asks.

I shake my head. "No. So you found me then?"

He sighs heavily. "Yes. I found you, because you were too weak to stay in animal form. When I found you, you were suffering from exhaustion and hyperthermia. You're body temperature was 102 degrees and your heart rate was extremely high. You weren't supposed to survive the night. That is, until Raven healed you."

At first I don't believe a word Cyborg says. There is no way I was in that bad of shape. However, the longer I look at the grim faces all around me and Raven's still form, the more the reality starts to set in. Slowly I start accepting the truth of what my friends and my body has been telling me all along. Everything I have been doing to better myself has been having the opposite effect. Instead all I have been doing is slowly killing myself. And now Raven is paying for my idiocy.

"Oh God," I struggle to choke out. The thread holding my emotion snaps and the tears start falling rapidly down my face. "I-I did this! I killed Raven!" I lose all the function in my knees. I fall to the ground, my face buried into my hands. "T-this is all my fault! I'm such an idiot!"

I feel a robotic hand on my shoulder. "BB calm down! Raven is strong. She'll be fine." I detect the lie in his voice, making me feel worse.

"A-all this time I've been telling m-myself that I've been improving w-when I knew the whole time I was s-straining myself. I-I kept saying that I d-didn't care if I died as l-long as I was a better hero. S-She shouldn't be dying right now! It should be me! I d-deserve to die for e-everything I've done!" I struggle to breathe from the multitude of sobs escaping from each breath. It's starting to become impossible. I feel my body start to tremble.

"That is not true, Beast Boy," Starfire says gently. "Raven made her choice."

I pay no attention to her. I'm too consumed with my sorrow to listen to anyone at this point. My hands are literally soaked from all the tears I shed, my cheeks stinging badly. I gasp in an attempt to keep my breathing under control. It does nothing. I'm starting to feel really cold. I clutch onto my arms in an effort to get warm.

"He's starting to hyperventilate." Cyborg says in panic. "He's going into shock."

"Quick, give him a sedative," Nightwing responds.

"Sorry B," Cyborg says. Before I can protest I feel a need prick on the back of my neck. Then my body starts to relax instantly. I'm able to breathe now. I look up from my hands to see the anxiety on Cyborg's metal face, then darkness consumes me again.

**Cyborg**

The next hour passes by painfully slow. The medical ward has been completely silent except for the machines beeping rhythmically every few seconds. Beast Boy is still knocked out from the sedative I gave him and Raven hasn't changed at all. Her vitals are still the same-as if her body was frozen. This makes everything worse. The stress in the room is becoming almost unbearable.

"How did I not see this coming?" Nightwing asks morosely. He had been sitting in the corner of the room with his head in his arms for the past thirty minutes. His voice is hoarse as if he had been crying. I've never seen him like this before. "Why didn't I help him when I had the chance? I could've prevented this. I could've saved them both." His words break the silence that has been between us since I knocked Beast Boy out..

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Dick," I answer in defeat. "I couldn't help him either. And I'm his best friend."

"But I'm the leader of this team. It's my responsibility to keep my team not only strong, but safe. I'm supposed to look out for everyone's well being. Beast Boy had blaring warning signs and I didn't try to help him."

"I still do not understand why this happened." Starfire contributes, looking sadly at both Beast Boy and Raven. She still hasn't moved from her spot between Beast Boy and Raven's beds. "Why did he change?"

"During the intervention Beast Boy said that he wasn't worthy to be on the team anymore," Nightwing answers. "He called himself a failure. I just don't understand what makes him think that. I mean, he's saved our lives numerous times."

"When I found him in the woods BB ranted about how he noticed every time we were disappointed in him for messing up during battle practice and missions; every time we put him down for his bad sense of humor. I guess he took it personally, despite not showing it." I swallow hard, remembering the last words Beast Boy said before passing out. "He told me he wanted to make us proud."

"It's true I've been harder on him over the years," Nightwing admits. "It's because I know that he can do better. At the same time I should've encouraged him more, but I always thought it didn't matter to him that he messed up. Deep down I always thought Beast Boy didn't care enough. Only now do I realize how wrong I was."

"Then we must show him that we are his friends," Starfire says, a determined look on her face. "He must know how much we care."

"You're right Star," Nightwing answers.

Suddenly the machines attached to Beast Boy start going off rapidly. I quickly get up from my chair by the computer, Nightwing gets on his feet just as quickly. Starfire lets out a terrified squeak.

"The numbers are going up," she says.

Nightwing and I both move closer. The heart monitor which was giving out a steady 80 beats per minute is rising rapidly. At the same time Beast Boy's blood pressure is sky rocketing. Sweat is pouring down his green face and he is moaning and panting.

"Is something wrong with the sedative you gave him?" Nightwing asks. "Did you give him too much?"

I do a brief scan on my arm. I relax immediately when I read more of his vitals. "He's fine. He's just having a nightmare."

"I-I'm not useless," Beast Boy moans, clutching tightly to the white sheet covering his body. This confirms my theory. "I'm _not_.."

Starfire gently shakes Beast Boy's shoulder. "Friend, wake up. You are just having an unpleasant dream." No reaction from the green Titan.

"He is heavily sedated, Star," I tell her gently. "He won't wake up until the drug wears off."

Nightwing pulls up a chair on the other side of Beast Boy's bed. "In the meantime I have an idea..."

**Changeling**

_When I woke up again, I found the medical ward empty-except for Raven who was still laying motionless in the bed beside mine. This time when I looked at her, I didn't completely panic-probably because of whatever Cyborg injected me with. All I felt at the moment was intense guilt and sadness. All this happened because I was so stupid. _

_ Slowly I got out of bed, pulling the wires off me again. I didn't need them. I pressed a nearby bandage against my other arm to stop the bleeding from the new IV Cyborg stuck in me. My heart pounded as I got closer to Raven. I looked at her, a wave of emotions consuming me. Despite looking really sick, she looked as if she was sleeping peacefully. I couldn't believe that after everything I've done and said to her she risked her life to save mine. A tear fell from my eyes, followed by many more. All this time I thought I knew what love was, but as I stood there looking at the unmoving empath did I realize the true meaning of love. Love is putting the person you love first, even if that means giving up your life for them. I had been so selfish that I never showed Raven the love I really felt for her in my heart. I didn't put her first like I should've. Instead I endangered her life. I didn't deserve her._

_ Gently I took her hand in mine, my other hand caressing her cheek. They were both cold. "I'm so sorry Raven," I whispered. "I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through the past couple of weeks. I'm sorry for all the things I said to you that day. Most of all I'm sorry that you are in this state because of me. I never meant for it to go this far. I never meant to hurt you." _

_ I opened the window to the medical ward hesitantly. After everything Raven sacrificed to save my life I shouldn't leave her like this. I should stay by her side until she looked at me again with those beautiful lilac eyes. Yet, it was all my fault that this happened. The last thing I wanted to do was let another stupid mistake hurt the girl I love. Tears fell rapidly down my face. "I want more than anything than to stay with you and protect you until you are better. But I know you would be better off without me here to hurt you again. I promise I will never forget you."_

_ Forcing back a sob I leaned over and pressed my lips gently on hers. I pulled away before I got lost in the taste of her. I was going to miss her so much it hurt. "Goodbye my Raven. I love you and I always will."_

_ Before I could change my mind I flew out the open window in the form of a small bird, easily disappearing in the night sky._

_**BBRae**_

_The streets in Jump City were quiet. I had been walking around for the past couple of hours, trying to get my head together. I couldn't decide where I should go next; if I should stay in the city or leave the country all together. At the same time a part of me felt strong pangs of guilt for leaving Raven and the others behind again. I rubbed my head subconsciously. I was so stupid. I didn't know what I was doing anymore. It seemed no matter what I did I was hurting somebody. I guess everyone was right about me all along: I am worthless. Everyone would be better off without me. _

_ Something caught the corner of my eye thanks to the the street light. A lone figure dressed in all black was attempting to break into the newly repaired gym. "HEY!" I yelled. The burglar froze in his tracks. "Walk away now and I promise you won't spend the night in a jail cell."_

_ The figure turned to face me. He was about the same height as me and looked to have a similar build. He was completely covered in black clothing. The only thing I was able to make out was the eyes from behind the ski mask. Eyes the same green hue as mine. I forced my fear back as I came closer. I didn't know why, but there was something about this person that made me feel uneasy. "Seriously, dude," I said with as much confidence as I could muster. "You don't want to fight me. I won't go easy on you."_

_ The figure let out a laugh-a laugh that was deep and frighteningly familiar. "You expect me to be intimidated?" I froze, hearing the all too familiar voice. I refused to believe it. My mind was just playing tricks on me. "I know you, Garfield Logan. You aren't strong enough to defeat me and you never will be."_

_ I continued to get closer, despite the anxiety that I felt inside. The familiarity of the voice was creeping me out but I did my best to not let it show. This had to be a dream-this couldn't be real. "Well, if you're not afraid of me, then why wear a mask? Why don't you be a man and face me?"_

_ He laughed again. "What would be the fun in that? I'd rather destroy you."_

_ "Fine," I grumbled in annoyance. "You had your chance."_

_ I closed my eyes to focus my power. Immediately I realized that something was wrong. Instead of turning into an animal like always, I felt as though I was hitting a brick wall. I tried turning into a smaller animal, but nothing. What the-._

_ "I've taken away your powers," the figure said smugly. "Now you have no choice but to fight me fairly."_

_ I was taken aback at first, then slowly allowed a small smile to spread across my face. I've been training hard the past month. Now I could finally put it into use. This dude had no idea what was in store for him. I fell into a fighting stance, my fists raised. "Fine."_

_ I ran fast toward my enemy, aiming a punch for his jaw. Before I could reach him the burglar grabbed my arm and flung me over his shoulder easily as if I was a rag doll. I hit the wall of the jewelry store across from the gym, my breath completely knocked out of me. _

_ I shook my head out of my daze. I struggled to my feet and raised my hands again. I walked to the middle of the street. The assailant met me halfway. "Disappointing, Garfield. I was hoping for more of a challenge. Guess all that training you've been pushing yourself through was for nothing. Or maybe Mento was right all along. You are weak."_

_ We began circling each other. I knew I should attack early so I could tire him easily, but I couldn't help but hold back. As ashamed as I was to admit this, but I was afraid. "Who are you? H-how do you know so much about me?"_

_ "If I wanted you to know that I wouldn't have worn a mask."_

_ I lunged toward him, aiming all the punches, kicks, and combinations that I had ever learned. Not just from my personal training with Jason, but all the combat practices with the Titans, my one session with the Titan's East, and all the practice I did with the Doom Patrol all those years ago. Unfortunately nothing I do seemed to phase this villain in the slightest. Instead he blocked all my attacks easily as if this was just a simple morning work out. I panted, my energy draining fast. I was starting to get a terrible headache and my muscles started to quiver. _

_ A hard blow landed on the side of my face, making me fall on my back in pain. Looked like I was going to have another black eye. He aimed a kick in my direction, but I rolled out of the way and use my legs to knock him off balance. He hit the ground. Finally I had the upper hand. I straddled the unknown man with my knees. Finally I was going to get some answers. I ripped off the ski mask. _

_ No. NO! It couldn't possibly be. But it was. Staring back at me was my own green face. The same facial features, same green eyes, and the same fang that I detested so much sticking out of his mouth. How was this possible? "You're...but you can't be! I-I'm going crazy!"_

_ "You guessed right, Garfield. I am you. But a better you-the person you've been trying so hard to become." A satisfied smirk appeared on his face, making the fang stick out even more. "The person you'll never be." _

_ His leg lifted up, his foot hitting me hard in the back. I groaned and rolled off him. Before I was able to get back on my feet he kicked me again, in the stomach this time. That one action causes the nausea to be too hard to control. I puke a mixture of blood and the protein bar I had earlier that morning. _

_ "I have to say, it's extremely satisfying seeing you like this. So weak, so frail. So...useless."_

_ I curled into a ball to protect my vital organs from the various hard blows this version of me is inflicting. Each punch and kick I received is more violent and more painful than the last. In fact this amount of pain was much worse than any blow my father inflicted on me as a child. The ground quickly was becoming soaked with my blood. I struggled to breathe, which was becoming more and more difficult each passing second. All of my ribs were definitely broken this time. _

_ "I-I'm not useless," I gasp out in a ragged whisper. "I'm _not_."_

_ "You are. You have nothing to offer anyone. You should've died a long time ago. I'm surprised you managed to survive this long."_

_ The excruciating pain was starting to become too much. I have no more energy to fight back and honestly I didn't want to anymore. Everything he had said was true. It was finally time for me to accept all my failures and the truth about myself. I am useless. Tears fell from my eyes. "Do it then," I choked out. "Finish me off."_

_ "With pleasure."_

_ I closed my eyes and waited for the final blow that would take my life at last. It never came. Instead I hear a commotion in front of me as if something was blasted backward. I closed my eyes shut tight because of the blinding light that appeared in my line of vision. I remained in my fetal position. I have no motivation to move from it ever again. The tears continued to flow from my eyes at a rapid rate, that one word ringing over and over again in my head: useless._

_ A warm hand gently ran through my hair, stroking it gently. That simple touch immediately eased all the tension in my muscles. At the same time I felt as though all the wounds I had received during the fight had been removed. In fact I felt the most relaxed than I've felt in years. I kept my eyes closed, afraid that if I opened them, the calming feeling would disappear. "Oh Garfield. What has happened to you?"_

_ My heart clenched in my chest. This definitely had to be a dream. It took several minutes before I gathered enough courage to open my eyes again. A choked sob escaped my throat. "R-Rita?"_

_ The woman looked a lot different than the last time I saw her. Not surprising since it had been a couple of years. Her face showed her age, and her brown hair was long again. There was a white glow to her. This definitely had to be a dream. She was dead. Dead because of me. A strangle sob escaped my throat, followed by many more. I sat up quickly, throwing my arms tightly around the older woman. I hugged her so tightly my arms hurt. Surprisingly she was solid. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"_

_ "For what, sweetheart?" Rita asked gently. _

_ "I-I'm sorry that I failed you. Because of me, you're..." I couldn't finish the sentence._

_ "Garfield, look at me." Reluctantly I pull away enough so that I could face her. "My death was _not _your fault. It was my time. But it's not yours. You have so much to live for. Your friends care so much for you and need you. And Raven, she needs you most of all." _

_ I let go of the older woman. My eyes focused on my hands. No longer were they bloody and scratched up. "I don't know. I've been messing up so much lately. All I was trying to do was be a better hero so that I don't lose another person. I didn't want to accept what Mento was saying as true. But he was right. I'm a failure and because of my actions I pushed away all my friends and the girl I love is dying." _

_ "You're _not _a failure You never have been, and you never will be." Rita said passionately. "In fact you are the bravest person I know. Despite all the hardships you've endured you always look at the positive side in every situation. Even with things seem hopeless. You might not be the strongest, fastest hero, but you are a hero that tries your very best. I saw that and I know that your friends see it too." _

_ I opened my mouth to speak the doubt that is still inside when another familiar voice rang through the street. The voice of the best friend I've ever had._

"BB, I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I just want you to know that I wouldn't be where I am today without you. You showed me that it is possible to move on from the past and learn to trust again. I hope that when you wake up you'll let me be there for you, like you've always been there for me. I love you, man."

_I smiled slightly hearing the emotion in Cyborg's voice. Emotion he rarely ever showed. I wasn't sure where he was or if he was even here with me. It didn't matter. All I could do was focus on his words. That was probably the nicest thing he had ever said to me. I knew that he truly meant it. Another voice spoke, a higher, more feminine voice this time. _

"Friend Beast Boy, I do not understand why you have doubted yourself. You are the little brother I never had. I can always count on you to keep me calm during battle with your jokes. I hope you will someday understand how important you are to us. We need you here to bring back the happiness in the tower. Please forgive me for not being there for you when you needed me the most."

_The smile on my face grew a little bigger. All this time I thought my sense of humor was just annoying to the team. I didn't realize that the jokes I told during battle made an impact on my friends in a positive way. The street became silent again. There is one person I hadn't heard from. The person I let down the most. Nightwing. My leader, my friend, and the person I looked up to the most. My stomach tightened painfully when I really thought about it. Nightwing was like Mento in a lot of ways. I knew he was the most disappointed in me whenever I messed up. He probably thought I was a failure too. Just when I was about to doubt myself again, I heard his voice ring through the streets. _

"Beast Boy, I know you and I haven't been the closest of friends through the years. But I want you to know that the reason I had been so hard on you these past few years is because I see the potential in you. I always known that you have the strength and power to be a great hero, but I felt you didn't care enough to show it. I was wrong. I should've encouraged you more. I'm sorry. And I know this is long overdue, but thank you for saving my life from the Brotherhood of Evil. I want you to know that that was the day I was the most proud of you."

_The tears rolled rapidly down my cheeks once more. This time, they are happy ones. They care, they all care about me, the real me. They don't want me to change into someone I'm not. I can be myself. I had never felt so happy in my entire life. "I...I am worthy."_

_ "Of course you are," Rita says, smiling at me. I noticed tears were in her eyes as well. "And the first thing you can do to truly better yourself is by accepting yourself, faults and all. Learn to love yourself, and then demons like these," she pointed to the unconscious form of the one I was battling before. "Will be easier to defeat." _

_ I hugged my adopted mother tightly. "T-thank you, Rita for everything. You're the best mother I ever had. I-I just hope that you are okay."_

_ "I am okay. I'm at peace. But I promise that I'll always be with you. I love you, Garfield."_

_ "I love you too."_

_ Rita kissed me gently on the forehead. Then I didn't see anything else, except for another flash of white light. _

**RaeBB**

My eyelids feel heavy. In fact, so does my entire body. I feel as though I'm weighed down by a heavy blanket. For once my body doesn't feel all tensed up. In fact I feel totally relaxed. Relaxed...and happy. When I finally do open my eyes I find myself back in the medical ward. I didn't leave after all.

"Hey man, how are you feeling?" Cyborg asks. It takes me a minute to realize that he's standing in front of my bed.

I slowly sit up, rubbing my eyes. I take a good look at my three friends. Nightwing on one side of my bed, Starfire on the other. I don't know if what they said was real or just a dream, but they way they keep looking at me I have a feeling that what they said was true. Even after all the childish things I've done the past month they still care. I smile at them, feeling truly blessed. "I...I think I'm finally okay."

"You mean.." Nightwing trails off.

I nod, confirming his question. "I've doubted myself for so long, but now I think I'm finally ready to put my past behind me and be the person I _want _to be, not the person I think I _should _be." I let out a sigh. "I'm just sorry that it took me to the point of acting like a complete and utter child before I realized it. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you friend," Starfire says happily. "I am just so happy that you are going back to your old self."

"What she said," Nightwing says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Agreed." Cyborg says. "And as soon as you're feeling better I think I'm going to cash in on my rain check and beat your butt at video games until you pass out."

I grin at the robot man. "Deal."

Starfire lets out another giggle in happiness and flings her arms around me in a bone crushing hug. That doesn't surprise me one bit. What does surprise me is that Nightwing and Cyborg join in.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see myself in the mirror. For the first time I really see myself. Worn out, frail, extremely thin. Dark circles are under my bloodshot eyes and my hair is dirty and longer than I've ever had it. Not to mention I know that I haven't showered in over a week. Finally I am unable to ignore the painful jabs in my stomach from hunger. This is not the real me and this is definitely not the person I want to be. The first thing I need to do is take care of myself.

When we pull away, I glance over at the empath. She's still lying there motionless. The heart monitor is still beeping very slowly-the only sign that she's still alive. I pull off the wires connecting me to the machines, pressing a bandage against the wound where the IV was. Then I get out of bed, trying my best to not hit Starfire. I carefully approach Raven. None of the others try to stop me.

Just like in my dream I clutch her hand gently, my other stroking her cheek. Both really warm. "Raven, I'm sorry for everything I put you through. But I want you to know that I'm going to be okay, and you will be too. I'm going to go take care of myself. And once I'm better I promise I won't leave your side until you wake up. In fact I won't leave your side ever again. I love you Raven. Forever."

I lean in, pressing my lips against hers in a deep kiss. I pull away, then make my way to the door. I look at the others. "I'm going to take a shower and get some food, then sleep. Promise me you guys will get me if she wakes up, please."

"You got it, BB," Cyborg says. The other two nod in agreement. I am almost to the door when he speaks again. "BB, wait."

I turn around. A smile spreads across my face seeing Raven's form floating up and down. The heart monitor has increased from 25 beats to a steady 60 beats per minute. She's starting to heal herself. This gives me newfound hope that she's going to be all right after all.

**To be continued...**


	10. Part IX

A/N: Once again I apologize for the month long delay. I was in a car accident and messed up my writing arm a bit so I was unable to write for a while. Now I'm back with another part for you. I hope it's worth the wait. Please review and let me know what you guys think. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans there would've been more episodes about Raven's emotions.

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part IX**

** Beast Boy**

The sun sets slowly, sinking into the sea. This concludes the end of another long day. I sigh in disappointment. Today ends the fifth day that Raven has been unconscious. The more days that pass by, the less hope I have that she'll ever come back to me.

Besides worrying about Raven I'm feeling much better. In fact I feel the most relaxed than I ever have been in my life. After a long shower and a haircut, I've fallen back into my normal routine of eating tofu and a normal eight hours of sleep. Man I've missed those things so much. I made a promise to myself to never take them for granted again. The only thing I haven't gone back to is my old uniform. I've come to find that I like the red and white style better than my purple and black. It makes me feel like I stand out more.

Even though I'm feeling much better physically I still haven't quite gotten back to myself yet. I just can't find it in me to crack jokes or play video games. Right now is not the time. Not until Raven is better. The worry for Raven has put stress on the tower-stress so strong sometimes I feel like we're going to fall apart as a team.

To pass the time I've been taking care of Raven the best that I can. I take care of all her medical needs. Then I sit beside her all day, holding her hand as she continues to float up and down. I talk to her too. I try to tell her good memories; memories of what a great person she is; memories of events that made me fall in love with her in the first place. Every night before I go to sleep, which is in the cot beside her, I kiss her and tell her that I love her.

Gently I tuck a long strand of violet hair behind her ear. She's so beautiful. I could watch her sleep forever, though I'd prefer to do so in better circumstances. The memory I decide to talk about this time is the first time I met her.

"I remember the first time I saw you-the day Starfire came to Earth. I had never met anyone like you before; someone who hides themselves from the world, yet has no problem saving others. I thought you were creepy, your powers were creepy. But when you saved my life for the first time, I realized how protective and caring you can be. Then when you laughed at my jokes for the first time I realized that you were a lot like me. That's why I dedicated my life to make you happy. Of all the people I've met you deserve it the most. I wanted to be the person who would make you happy. I still do." I sigh, stroking her hand gently. "Raven, I'm done pretending to be someone I'm not. I want to be myself. I just hope with all my heart that when you wake up, you'll accept me for who I truly am."

"Don't worry, BB," Cyborg says from behind me. "From everything I've witnessed the past month, I think Raven will be more than happy to see you back to your old self."

I turn around as Cyborg approaches me. In one hand he has a plate of salad and a slab of tofu covered in barbecue sauce, a glass of soy milk in the other. I start salivating at the sight of the delicious meal. Sitting here with Raven has made me lose track of time. I'm grateful that despite everything I've done the past few weeks, my best friend is still looking out for me.

"Thanks dude," I say gratefully, taking the meal from him. Without hesitation I plunge my fork into the white tofu and stuff it in my mouth. "Mmmm I missed this."

Cyborg sits in the chair on the other side of Raven. "How is she doing?"

"About the same," I answer sadly. "The longer she's like this, the more I worry that she won't ever wake up. Makes me wonder how bad of shape she was in when she healed me. Or if I was in worse shape than you guys said and I really took all the energy she had."

It's quiet between us for a few minutes. Cyborg seems to be searching for the right words to say. "There is something I should tell you-something I haven't told Dick or Star."

"What?" I ask.

"The team was a complete mess while you were gone. Dick and Star were arguing all the time, we had no motivation to fight crime. There was so much stress in the tower in the tower it was almost unbearable. Raven was in the worst condition though.

The day I found you in the woods I had tried everything I could to get her to leave her room. S-she was in some sort of trance. She was arguing with herself, while at the same time, was calling for you. It was like...like she was possessed or something. It freaked me out. She really blames herself for you leaving."

"It's not her fault," I say in a guilt ridden voice. "It's nobody's fault but mine."

"That's not all," Cyborg continues. "When I told her that we found you I thought I saw a blade in her hand. It terrified me honestly."

I swallow the large lump in my throat in an attempt to hold my emotions back. If I knew that leaving would affect the team this way I never would've considered it. Especially Raven. I'm such an idiot. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "If I had known that this was going to happen, I never would've left."

"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're here now."

I nod. "I am and I promise that I'll never leave again."

Cyborg hits me playfully in the shoulder. "Good. It was unbearably dull without you."

I force a smile on my face. I don't want to talk about this anymore. The guilt and stress is starting to get to me. The longer I look at Raven's floating form, the more I realize that perhaps she's having trouble waking up on her own. It seems she doesn't know that I'm alive-or that I've gone back to my old self. I think instead of talking to Raven and hoping that will help her wake up, perhaps I need to go on the offensive. I need to show Raven that everything is back to normal. Maybe then I can finally be the hero she needs me to be. All I have to do is come up with a plan.

"I'm going to take a shower," I tell Cyborg, getting up from the chair I've been siting on for the past two hours.

"Okay. I'll stay with her until you return."

"Thanks dude."

I give Raven a soft kiss on the lips then make my way to the bathroom. An idea comes to my mind. An idea that if thought through carefully enough might actually work. All I will need is to convince the others that this plan will work and Raven's hand mirror.

**BBRae**

"You want to do WHAT?!" Cyborg asks incredulously an hour later.

I feel like I'm experiencing de ja voux. Except this time I'm pacing in the Titan's common room instead of Titan's East. Once I got out of the shower I called the others into the living room for a meeting. I can feel Nightwing and Starfire staring at me just as incredulously as Cyborg is. "You heard me. I want to use Raven's mirror to go into her mind."

"Absolutely not!" Nightwing says. "You could put Raven in further danger-or get yourself killed."

"Or I could save her life," I counter. "She's been unconscious too long and I know it's my fault. If I could just go in there and show her that I'm okay, she'll have to come back."

"She hasn't woken up yet because she's still physically exhausted," Cyborg argues back. "It has nothing to do with her mental state. Besides, the last time we were in her mind we barely made it out of there alive. And judging from the state she was in the last time I saw her I think that this would be more of a suicide mission instead of a rescue."

"Let me go instead," Nightwing says firmly. "You are still recovering and are in no condition to face this. You could make things worse."

Starfire doesn't say anything, but the expression on her face makes it clear that she sides with the others. I let out a frustrated sigh. I figured my friends would react this way. "No it has to be me. Cyborg said that Raven kept calling out for me. I'm the only one who can fix this." I tell Nightwing. "I know this sounds crazy, but I have a plan. I know what to do. Can't you guys for once just trust me on this."

Nightwing, Cyborg, and Starfire look at each other, silently communicating with each other through the eyes. Nightwing gets up from the couch he had been sitting in stiffly since I made my announcement. He stands in front of me, his arms crossed. "I want you both back safely. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes," I say with as much confidence that I can muster.

Nightwing lets out a stressed sigh. "Okay, fine. Don't make me regret my decision."

"I won't."

Taking a deep breath I pick up Raven's hand mirror from the coffee table. I stare intently into the glass. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

Just like the last time I gazed into her mirror, eyes appeared on the glass. Instead of there being four bright red eyes on the other side, there are two, normal violet ones. I assume it's because Trigon is really gone.

I hold my breath in anxiety as I feel the black and red hand grab me around the waist and red beams starting to surround me. Once they do I am extremely relieved that I'm not being clutched in a death grip this time. I close my eyes as I'm being pulled into the mirror. I try my best to summon my courage. I'm going to need all I have if I'm going to be successful in bringing the girl I love back.

**RaeBB**

The drop to the ground from the entrance of the mirror is a lot longer than I remember. My stomach flips constantly and the wind rushes though my hair makes my entire body feel cold. After what feels like an eternity I land on my back on the hard stone pathway.

"Ugh that was more painful than last time," I mutter. Once the world stops spinning I slowly get to my feet. I immediately feel apprehensive as I take in my surroundings. Raven's mind was dark the last time I was here, but this is beyond terrifying.

The sky is completely black. In fact I wouldn't be able to see anything if it weren't for the red glowing lamps illuminating the way. I brace myself for the attack from the black ravens that assaulted me and Cyborg last time. It never comes.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that nothing is attacking. In fact the realm seems completely empty. The silence is starting to get to me. I need to find Raven fast so that I can get the hell out of here.

"Raven?" I call, walking down the narrow stone pathway. "Where are you? It's me Chang-I mean Beast Boy. I'm here to help you."

I hear nothing except my voice echoing all around me. I sigh. How am I going to find her? I have no idea where I'm going. I tread carefully down the pathway to make sure I don't screw anything up or fall off the edge for that matter.

Everything around me changes all of a sudden. No longer am I on the long winding path. Instead I'm standing in front of a gray maze. A maze that is taller than me and made of what looks like iron. _Oh great _I think to myself as I remember the maze that Cyborg and I had to venture through the last time we were here. _Not this again!_

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!" The frightened voice echoes off the walls. My heart clenches in my stomach when I recognize that voice immediately. Raven. She's in trouble.

I turn into a cheetah and sprint into the long maze. "Don't worry, Raven. I'm coming!"

As I venture through the maze I try to keep track the direction that I'm going so that I can make it back. Left, Right, Right, Left, Left, Right Left, Right. After a while I lose track and instead follow the sounds of Raven's frightened voice calling for help. Just hearing her so frightened increases my determination to find her. I just hope with all my heart that I'm not too late.

Finally I reach the middle of the maze. I stop, turning back into myself. I struggle to catch my breath, clutching my sides. Despite the fact that I was in cheetah form, my sides throb from running so hard. It is here that I finally find her. Raven is sitting in the middle of the maze on the floor. Her back is against the northern part of the gray wall. Her hood is up. She's rocking back and forth, still calling out desperately for help.

"Raven, It's okay. I'm here."

When I get closer I notice that Raven is wearing a gray cloak. Wait a minute...doesn't one of her emotions wear a gray cloak? I rack my brain for her name. Sadness? Wait, Timid that's it. She was the one who kept apologizing over and over again. Looks like I'm going to have to help her first before I can get to Raven.

"Hey," I say gently, kneeling in front of the emotion. "Timid? It's me, Beast Boy."

She doesn't look at me. Instead she continues to stare past me. "I-I'm scared. I've been lost in this maze for so long. I-I'll never escape. W-where is Beast Boy? I need him to save me!"

I touch her shoulder gently. I feel her shrink away just from this action. "I'm right here," I say as gently as I can. My voice shakes slightly. I'm totally freaked out. "I can help you."

Her violet eyes widen when she notices that I'm there. I can see pure sadness in the violet irises. "Y-you're not the real Beast Boy. You're Changeling, the impostor. You're n-not the one I love!"

Timid's confession warms my heart and breaks it at the same time. I realize that my red and white uniform is making her think that I'm Changeling. "It's me, Timid, I promise," I say in a low voice. "I'm back to my normal self. I'm better."

"Stop!" she wails, burying her head in her knees. "S-stop telling me lies."

"I would never lie to you," I say, crossing my heart with my finger, even though she's not looking at me. "I love you, Raven. Every part of you."

"Y-you're not real. Just go away!"

I stare at her, stunned, as if she had physically slapped me across the face. "But-."

"You shouldn't be here, Garfield," a voice says from behind me. "It's not safe."

Just like the last time I was in Raven's mind, the atmosphere around me changes. Timid disappears and I no longer find myself in the middle of the maze. Instead I'm in some sort of library. Countless shelves containing books surround me. Books in various sizes and width. The walls of the realm give off a yellowish glow. I'm kneeling in front of a gray desk. I shakily get to my feet, looking around to see the person who addressed me. I am visibly shaking from my encounter with Timid. I wonder who it is speaking to me. I assume it's another one of Raven's emotions. "W-who are you?"

"My name is Knowledge." A figure in a yellow cloak appears in front of me, her hood hiding her face. Her lilac eyes confirm it's another emotion, except this one is wearing round shaped glasses. "I am the information keeper for Raven."

"So...you're her brain."

"I am part of it. I am the one who possess all the facts and information that Raven knows."

"I see..." I trail off uncertainly.

"Why are you here?" Knowledge asks.

"I'm here to save Raven," I try to say with as much confidence as I can muster. "I'm here to bring her home."

"I fear that's impossible. Raven is trapped in the darkest part of her mind. Her dark emotions are too powerful to defeat. You'll only get yourself killed."

"I don't care about the risks. It's my fault that this happened. I need to fix it."

"You don't understand how serious this is. The emotions that make Raven who she is have gone into hiding. Happy has gone missing and Brave is cowering in fear. All that remains is Raven's dark emotions."

"All of this happened just because I left?" I ask, my heart sinking. "I caused this much damage?"

"No...this started when you decided to be someone that you're not," Knowledge says, disappointment evident behind her glasses. "The more serious you became, the worse things became here."

I'm at a loss for words. All this new information just confirms everything that Cyborg told me earlier and explains Timid's reaction to me. I feel the tightness in my chest getting worse. "I-I'm sorry. I had no idea that I was doing this to her. Please tell me how I can fix this. I want to make it right. I want to save her more than anything."

Knowledge stares at me intently, her violet eyes boring into my green ones. I attempt to look confident, but on the inside I'm positively terrified. Not that I could get killed, but that I might make things worse.

"Very well. I will help you the best I can. Raven is being held in a dungeon in the realm northeast from here. She is being guarded by the darkest emotion that's ever existed."

I gulp in fear. "R-rage?"

"No. Besides the time Raven yelled at you Rage has been surprisingly docile since Trigon's defeat. The most powerful emotion is Despair. If you have any chance in defeating her you have to be more than just a hero. You have to be your true self. Do you understand?"

I nod, even though I don't have a clue what she's talking about. How can I defeat such a dark emotion by being my true self? I force a determined look on my face. "I'm ready."

Knowledge moves closer to where we are inches apart. She touches my cheek gently. I feel warm all over. "Be safe," she whispers. Then everything around me changes as I leave her domain.

**BBRae**

The next thing I know I find myself in the middle of a dark, spooky forest. Not a normal forest. All the trees, bushes, and plants were black, dead, as if they had been dead for a long time. This sight absolutely terrifies me. The sky above me is gray with dark clouds. It looks like it's about to start raining any second. My elf shaped ears perk up when I hear what sounds like quiet sobbing. It sounds like a woman. I increase my speed to the direction of the sobbing. It gets louder the closer to the middle I get. I need to fix this so I can get the hell out of here.

In my wanderings I find myself traveling through a dark cemetery. Countless headstones fill the area, most of them decrepit and falling apart. Headstones that have no marks or writing on them. Chills run up and down my spine as I feel the creepiness and vibes of death. D-does this mean that Raven is truly dying? Am I too late?

"R-raven?" I whisper. I'm afraid that if speak any louder then I'll disturb some ancient spirit or something. "A-are you here?"

A big building near the edge of the cemetery catches my attention. It's large and made out of white stone. Pillars are on each side and a triangle shape is on the top. The doors are solid gold. A mausoleum. _In Loving Memory_ is etched above the doors. _No! Raven, NO!_

Something catches my eye. A figure wearing a black cloak this time. She is gliding back and forth in front of the gold doors of the mausoleum. At first I think it's Raven, since that was the color of her cloak when I woke up to find her unconscious on the floor. However, the closer I get I can feel the overwhelming sadness and loss of hope. It's just another one of her emotions. This must be Despair. Her loud sobs is the only source of sound in the otherwise silent graveyard. I hide behind a large headstone. If I am to succeed in defeating her and saving Raven I need to come up with a plan.

_It's simple_ _Just sneak on past her_. As quietly as I can I turn into a rat then scurry towards the floating emotion. Despair is too busy sobbing her eyes out. My heart thuds hard in my chest the closer I get. Almost there...

"Who in the hell are you?!"

A blast of black aura hits me straight in the chest, sending me away from my goal. I hit one of the tombstones hard, turning back to myself.

Despair stops suddenly, a few feet away from me. Her hood is down. This is the first time I see her up close and I'm positively terrified. She looks nothing like the Raven I know. In fact she looks like she's a ghost, wandering the Earth. Her eyes are sunken and face is drawn in. Her long violet hair is unkempt and dirty, as if she hasn't taken a shower in at least a week. She's so skinny I can see her bones. Tears are stained on her cheeks, more running down them. She lets out a quiet gasp when she recognizes me. "You! You are not welcome here, Changeling!"

"Look I'm not here to fight," I say, slowly getting to my feet. I raise my hands up. "I'm here to help Raven. To help...you."

"I don't need help, especially not from you!" Despair says. Her tears are gone and her voice changes from wavering to forceful. "You are not the one I love. The Beast Boy I love is gone. All you're doing is mocking my pain!"

"Rave-Despair, I swear. I'm not Changeling. Not anymore. I _am_ Beast Boy. I'm back to myself. Trust me."

"LIAR!" I feel the strength of her power surround me tight, squeezing me. I struggle to breathe at the same time my body throbs in the pain of being crushed. "Stop torturing me and leave me be!"

My mind races. I have to think of something fast before I'm suffocated to death. Knowledge's words sudden ring in my head. _You have to be more than just a hero. You have to be your true self_. That's it! It's so obvious. I glance quickly around for inspiration.

"H-hey," I manage to stutter. The squeezing is starting to get almost unbearable. "Do...do you know when...the gravedigger likes to work?"

Despair stares at me in utter confusion. "What?"

"The graveyard shift!" I finish, letting out a strained laugh.

She stares at me in shock. Slowly I feel her grip around me start to lessen. Breathing is becoming easier. It's working. "Why is the cemetery so popular?" I ask. No response from my solo audience. "Because people have been dying to get in!"

The setting around me changes almost instantly. No longer am I in the cemetery. Instead I'm in a dark domain with what looks like floating sad theater faces. The mausoleum where Raven is being kept changes to what looks like a run down prison. It seems that Despair has changed too. Her cloak changes from black to a light blue. Though she still looks really sad, she doesn't look as haunting.

The light blue emotion lets go of me with her powers, but stays where she is. She stares at me intently. "Why don't cannibals eat clowns?" I ask, my voice back to normal now that the death grip is gone.

"Why?" the light blue emotion asks after a moment of hesitation.

"Because they taste funny!" I say chortling, really getting into it now. Oh how I've missed telling jokes, no matter how corny they are.

The emotion moves closer to me. Is that a small smile I see on her face? "Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing."

Finally the emotion stops in front of me. She stares at me as if she can't believe her eyes. "Why didn't the melons get married?"

"Why?" she asks, a full blown smile on her face.

"Because they cantaloupe."

A fit of giggles escapes the emotion. My surroundings change once more. This time I'm in a realm that I recognize. The sky is yellow with pink fluffy clouds, pink trees and strawberries floating in the air. Standing in front of me is a bright pink clad emotion. She's still giggling, her lilac eyes sparkling. Happy.

"Oh Beast Boy," she says cheerfully, throwing her arms around me. "How I've missed you."

I hug her back, feeling thoroughly relieved. "I missed you too, Happy."

Right as we pull away I hear a soft moan. I look past Happy and that's when I see her. Raven, the real Raven in her blue cloak, laying on the pink grass, surrounded by yellow flowers. Slowly she sits up, rubbing her head.

"RAVEN!" I yell. I hurry over to her. "Are you all right?"

"Beast Boy?" Raven asks in confusion once I reach her. I kneel down to her level. "What are you doing here? H-How did you get here?"

I rub the back of my neck guiltily. "I, uh, borrowed your mirror again. I hope you're not mad."

Surprisingly Raven doesn't look angry. Instead she looks utterly confused. "Why?"

"I came to save you," I tell her seriously, helping her to her feet. "Just like you saved me." I glance at Happy, who is standing by the brown arches of her domain grinning energetically at us. "And I think I just did."

"Happy!" Raven says. "Y-you're alive!"

"I am, thanks to BB's wonderful jokes," Happy confirms. "Did ya miss me?"

"Surprisingly yes. Yes I did."

"Told ya I was your favorite!" Happy sings cheerfully, dancing around.

Raven rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to me. "I can't believe that you risked your life to save me. Furthermore, I can't believe it was your corny jokes that did it."

I wiggle my eyebrows. "I always knew you found me funny."

Her face turns blank, an expression I know all too well. "And nobody is to know this except you, me, and her," Raven says, indicating to the still dancing Happy in the background.

"Whatever you say, Rae."

"Why did you risk your life to save me after everything I did to push you away." Raven asks, almost sounding like Timid for a second.

I smile at her tenderly. "Because I love you, Raven. I'd do anything for you."

Raven hesitates, pink appearing on her cheeks, giving off the cutest blush I've ever seen. "I love you too."

Raven moves forward, pressing her lips gently against mine in a sweet kiss. Shivers run up and down my spine. I feel so good on both the inside and out. I kiss her back passionately, pulling her close. I open my mouth to deepen the kiss, which she responds to eagerly.

"We need to get you out of here," Raven says once we pull away. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." A swirling black and red portal appears in front of us. "Go now."

I look at the woman I love. I touch her cheek. "Promise me you'll come back to me."

It takes her a second to understand what I'm talking about. Then she smiles at me. "I promise. Now go."

With a gentle nudge of her magic, I feel myself being pushed into the portal, sending me out of her mind and back to Titan's tower.

**RaeBB**

The force of Raven's magic sends me backwards faster than I've ever gone before. I keep my eyes trained on her until I can see her no more. Under ten seconds flat I find myself leaving the mirror. I feel my back crack as I hit the wall hard, my breath completely knocked out of me.

"BB, man, are you all right?" A robotic hand sticks out in front of me to help me to my feet. I take it gladly.

"I think so." My legs wobble, but I manage to stay standing.

"Please tell me you were successful," Nightwing says, getting up quickly from the sofa. Utter anxiety is on his face.

I open my mouth to speak but am interrupted by a high pitched scream coming from down the hall. Starfire. All three of us look at each other then take off running towards the medical ward. My heart falls to my stomach as I run. Something can't be wrong with Raven. There just _can't_ be. I just came back from saving her. She said she was going to wake up. The hallway seems to get longer and longer the faster I run.

We skid into the room. Starfire is standing by Raven's bedside, absolute terror on her face. Raven is no longer floating up and down. Instead she's laying still as a board on the bed. The heart monitor is no longer beeping steadily. Instead all I hear is a long, drawn out beep. _Oh no, Oh no. _

Nightwing whirls around to glare at me furiously. "What in the hell did you do?!"

I don't bother answering. I rush over to Raven's bedside. My chest hurts so badly I feel as though my heart is literally breaking. How could this happen? I saved Raven from danger. She promised that she would come back to me. Once I see how still she is, I lose all the function in my knees. I kneel beside her and take her hands in mine.

"C'mon Raven, you promised" I whisper, my voice cracking in anxiety and pain. I squeeze her hands. They're extremely cold. "Don't do this to me. D-don't leave me. I love you, and I c-can't live without you. Come back to me. _Please._"

No response. My head drops onto her chest, the tears falling so fast it burns. I can hear sobbing in the background, but I pay no attention to Starfire. I feel absolutely devastated. I've lost the most important person to me. I have nothing left to live for.

"Garfield." The voice is so soft, so gentle that I at first think that it's just my imagination. Then I feel it, the gentle squeezing of my hands. I lift my head to see violet eyes looking back at me. _Raven_.

"Raven," I choke out. Not caring if the others are still standing there, I lean forward and press my lips gently against hers. She kisses me back just as passionately, confirming that she is really here. She's alive. "F-for a minute there, I thought you weren't going to come back to me," I say breathlessly once we pull away.

She smiles at me, melting my heart. She touches my cheek. "I promise I'll never leave you as long as you promise to never leave me again."

I smile back lovingly. That's a promise I definitely can keep. "I promise."

I kiss her again, my heart whole again. I don't know what the future has in store for us, but now I'm definitely looking forward to it.

**To be continued...**


	11. Part X

A/N: I got the idea for this story from Billy Joel's song "Just the Way You Are." If you haven't listened to it, I'd recommend it. It's a really good romantic song. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would never work in retail again.

**Just The Way You Are**

** Part X**

** Beast Boy**

When I wake up the next morning I feel like I'm on top of the world. This is the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. For once it's not as difficult to push down the inner pain that I have to hide with my jokes. I can finally be myself: the comic relief on the group, yet just as strong as brave as the other Titans. And the best part of all: the changeling that has the love of the most wonderful girl in the world.

I make my way down the hall towards the kitchen, grinning from ear to ear. Raven wasn't in the medical ward when I stopped by to check on her so I assume that she's in the kitchen having breakfast. If not, I'll check her room. I can't wait to see her. Being with her makes me feel whole again.

Even though the mood in the kitchen is much better than it has been in months, I can still sense the strain between my teammates. Nightwing and Starfire are eating their cereal in silence. Raven is at the table, sipping her tea like she normally does. I notice that her shoulders are tensed up. Cyborg is at the stove, but isn't cooking his nasty smelling meat. Instead he's having eggs and toast reluctantly. This scene is just so wrong. I need to fix it immediately.

"You know, Cy, I love eggs just as much as you do. They crack me up," I say, letting out a laugh. The whole room seems to have frozen in time. Slowly all the Titans, except Raven, stare at me with wide eyes. I raise my eyebrow. "I know I look like I got hit by a can of soda this morning, but don't worry dudes. It was a soft drink."

"Beast Boy..." Nightwing says in utter shock. "Did you just tell a joke?"

I grin at him. "Yes, I guess I did."

Starfire is the first to snap out of her trance. She flies at me fast, almost knocking me over. Her arms wrap around me in a bone crushing hug. "Oh Friend Beast Boy. I am absolutely elated that you are yourself again! I have missed your jokes so much!"

"T-thanks S-star," I struggle to choke out. Her grip is more painful than Despair's was. If she doesn't let go I'm going to pass out. The world starts to spin.

"Star, you're killing him," Cyborg says gently, a huge grin on his face.

Starfire lets go of me immediately. "Oh! My apologies."

Cyborg gets from behind the counter to place a hand on my shoulder. "Great to have you back, man." Nightwing nods in agreement, approaching us. I gasp for breath. It takes a minute before I can get my breathing under control again.

"Actually, there's one thing I want to keep from my phase in addition to the new uniform," I say seriously, looking at each of my friends.

"What's that?" Nightwing asks in slight suspicion.

"I'd like to be called Changeling. Or Garfield," I tell them. "Since I'm getting close to the end of my teenage years, the name "Beast Boy" doesn't fit as well."

"Done," Nightwing says. We slap hands.

Humming happily to myself I grab a bowl of frosted flakes, a glass of soy milk and join my friends at the table. I give Raven a gentle peck on the cheek. "Good morning."

A blush appears on her cheeks. "Morning."

I feel her hand grab my free one from under the table. I give it a gentle squeeze. Once I snap back into reality I notice Cyborg is staring at us. "What?" I ask.

"Nothing, " Cyborg says innocently.

He's not fooling me one bit. I've known my best friend for a long time. Raven is suspicious too. Her eyes are glowing black. I can feel her trying to control her emotions from beside me. "Tell you what," I say quickly before Raven throws Cyborg out of the window. "You forget about whatever blackmail you're conjuring up and I'll play video games with you for the rest of the day."

Cyborg looks at us, taken aback. Then he continues to stare at us with that same suspiciously innocent smile. "Two days."

I grin back. Things are finally getting back to normal. "Deal."

Red lights start flashing in the kitchen as the alarm goes off. Time to get back to work. I give Raven's hand another squeeze before following the others out of the Tower. I can't help but feel nervous. It's my first mission back to myself, yet as Changeling. I hope I can get through the mission without screwing up. Otherwise I might fall apart all over again.

**Raven**

Once again there's trouble at the electronic store Best Circuit. This time, however, the villain we're facing is Control Freak. He's been going from store to store stealing every copy of A Galactic Showdown: The Revenge of Offworld Outlaw that he can get his hands on.

It took a lot of convincing before Nightwing would let me come since I just woke up from my coma. I almost had to threaten to put Nightwing in his own coma before Beast Boy stepped in and offered a compromise: I can come as long as I ride in the T-car instead of flying my way there.

I stare out the window of the passenger side, watching the buildings go by in a blur. Even though I know that Beast Boy is flying beside us I can't help but miss him already.

Cyborg and I haven't said a word since we got in the car. However, I can feel his strong emotions: happiness and mischief. He's still up to something. "Don't think for one minute that I haven't aborted my plan to throw you out the window," I tell the half robot man venomously.

Cyborg chuckles lightly. "Whatever you say, Rae. I know you'd never hurt me." His teasing grin fades slightly as he sees my death glare. "On a serious note, I'm sorry that I was so harsh on you the last time we talked. BB is my best friend and sometimes I can be a little protective of him. I'm glad you guys have each other now. It's good to see you both happy."

Slowly I let my guard down. My eyes slowly return to a normal purple. I give him a rare smile. "Thanks Cyborg."

Cyborg makes an abrupt stop by a parking meter in front of the Jump City Mall entrance. The rest of the Titans join us. As if by instinct, I grab Beast Boy's gloved hand. "All right Titans," Nightwing says. "Let's go get him."

We enter the store seconds later. The overweight villain is standing in the middle of the store, clutching as many DVDs in his arms that he possibly can. An overfilled backpack is on his back. Surprisingly his remote is nowhere in sight, which is slightly unnerving. His eyes widen in horror when he notices us standing in the doorway.

"Don't come any closer, Titans, or I will spoil the ending of A Galactic Showdown!"

"You mean the part where Offworld Outlaw is captured by the Arizienback police and thrown into prison?" Cyborg asks.

Control Freak looks at us flabbergasted. "WHAT?! But...how..."

"Dude, the movie came out like six months ago," Beast Boy says. "Everybody's seen it."

The expression on Control Freak's fat face is like he had been hit by a train. Then he frowns, dropping all the DVD's he's clutching to the floor and whips his remote from a pocket in his coat. "Fine," he mumbles in annoyance. "Let's do this." He clicks his remote, making all the DVD's he had dropped come to life. "Destroy them!"

"Titans go!" Nightwing shouts.

In an instant all five of us split up to fight the various objects that Control Freak manages to enchant with his remote: Pop up stands of both Offworld Outlaw and the villain Baron Ryang from Clash of the Planets, various music CD's ironically that Gizmo was trying to steal weeks ago, printers, various streaming devices, and the candy at the front by the register. I notice Cyborg immediately avoids the candy and instead starts to fight the Baron Ryang stand that comes after him with his red laser weapon. Nightwing attacks the other cardboard pop up with his bo staff. Starfire uses her starbolts to take out the printers which are attempting to shoot ink cartridges at Nightwing and Cyborg. Beast Boy is attacking all of the enchanted DVD's that are surrounding him in the form of a large dinosaur.

I rise high in the air, the positive emotions flowing through me quickly. I feel confident, brave, and ready to take on anything. It's something I've never felt this strongly before. I don't have to think about what I'm wanting to do. My eyes glow white and I feel the energy flow from my hands.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"

I enclose all the candies in black aura, making them explode. Then I shoot lightning at the streaming devices that are trying to attack Beast Boy, careful not to hit my teammate. Once the area is clear I float down to the ground, beside the changeling.

"He's making a run for it," Beast Boy says once he turns back into himself. Sure enough, Control Freak drops his over sized backpack and makes a dash for the exit.

"I have an idea." Beast Boy turns into a snake. An odd but pleasing feeling hits my entire body as I feel him slither on my back and onto my left shoulder, his green head resting on my hand. **(A/N: got the idea from my new tattoo :)) **"hisssss...throw me." he hisses.

With a burst of black aura I send Beast Boy in snake form fast towards the retreating villain. In mid air Beast Boy changes into a gorilla and slams into Control Freak, knocking him to the ground. With his massive paws, Beast Boy holds Control Freak down so he can't go any further.

"Looks like the next movie you'll be seeing is in the prison living center," Nightwing says, placing the handcuffs on Control Freak and leads him to the police, who are waiting outside the store. Beast Boy turns back into himself. Cyborg takes the remote from off the ground a few feet away and breaks it easily. Instantly all the enchanted items return to their normal state. After making sure that nothing else is attacking ,Starfire joins the rest of the team.

"Whew! I'm glad those candies didn't attack me this time," Cyborg says, wiping his forehead.

"Great teamwork you two," Nightwing says to Beast Boy and I after dropping off Control Freak.

Beast Boy throws an energetic arm around my shoulders. "This calls for celebration! How about pizza? On me."

"All right!" Cyborg says happily.

Beast Boy keeps his arm around my shoulders as we exit the department store. Instead of my powers going crazy from his touch I feel calm, in control. It's as if he's helping me control my powers. Either that or my emotions love him so much they're actually behaving themselves for once. Whatever the case may be I've never been so happy in my life.

** Beast Boy**

"It's good to hear from you, man," Aqualad says on the other side of my communicator. "How have you been?"

"I'm much better," I tell my friend. "I'm finally back to myself."

"I'm so glad to hear that. You had us worried."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I say apologetically. "And I'm sorry for the way I acted during the intervention. I was totally out of line and said things I shouldn't have. I know now that everyone was trying to help me. Apologize to the others for me."

"Will do. And it's okay. We all knew you weren't in your right mind. All that matters is that you're okay now."

"I'm better than okay. I'm truly happy."

Aqualad gives me a knowing look. "I'm glad everything worked out. Come visit us sometime."

"Will do, but not for combat training."

He laughs. "Deal."

Smiling to myself I shut my communicator off and resume brewing tea for Raven. The sun is just starting to set. I haven't been able to stop smiling all day. Everything has finally gotten back to normal, but better. The first mission after I reverted back to my old self was a great success thanks to my contribution, which makes me feel good. After having pizza at our usual spot, Cyborg and I spent at least 8 hours on the game station. Finally I feel like I truly belong.

Raven sat beside me almost the whole time while I played video games with Cyborg. She spent most of the time reading one of her big books. Every now and then I'd catch her watching me play out of the corner of her eye, a small smile on her lips. The most surprising was when I finally beat Cyborg she cheered for me. True, it caused most of the lights to go out, but her positive emotions warm my heart to see them at last. After that outburst, Raven went to the roof to meditate, while Cyborg retired to his room to recharge after repairing the lights.

"I've been looking for you," a voice interrupts my thoughts. I look away from the teapot that is on the stove to see Nightwing entering the kitchen.

I smile at my friend, pouring the hot tea into a cup. "What's up, Dick?"

Nightwing's face is full of mixed emotions. The two emotions I'm able to detect are apologetic and worry. "There is something I want to say to you." I wait for him to continue. I can't help but feel nervous. "Bea- Garfield, you and I have never been close. I never took the time to truly get to know you, because I always thought you were too immature and never took anything seriously. I always thought you couldn't be trusted. It wasn't until you changed that I realized how wrong I was and how much my judgment has hurt you. I'm sorry. "

"It's okay," I tell him reassuringly. "To be fair, I have done a lot of immature and foolish things since I've joined the Titans. It's my fault that you didn't trust me. But I'm growing up now. I promise that even though I choose to keep my sense of humor, I will try to be more serious when I need to be. You can trust me."

"I know. And I know that I don't say this enough, but I'm proud of you and am glad you're on my team."

I smile. "Thanks, dude."

He smiles back, accepting another hand slap, then leaves the room. I smile to myself as I make my way up to the roof. The only thing that will make this day even better is spending it with the girl I love, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

**Raven**

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," I chant softly to myself. A cool breeze hits me. The roof is my favorite place to meditate. It's always so peaceful, it sets me to ease. After everything that has happened I'm overdue for a long meditation. I have to make sure that everything is back to normal-besides the addition of a new positive emotion. A light purple emotion named Love, just as perky as Happy, but thankfully not as annoying. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos."

"For you, m'lady," a voice says from beside me.

I open an eye to see Beast Boy standing beside me, a cup of tea in his gloved hands. The smell of lavender invades my nostrils. I float to the ground beside him and accept the tea. "Thank you," I tell him softly.

"Of course."

I take a sip of the warm tea. He made it perfectly. Out of the corner of my eye I watch him shiver from the sudden temperature drop. I place the tea cup beside me, then wave my hand. A second cup filled with steaming tea appears beside it. I hand it to him. Beast Boy hesitates for a second, his eyes locked on mine. Then he takes it from my hands and takes a long sip.

"How long have you known?" He asks, taking another long sip.

I don't need to ask what he's talking about. "A week before I yelled at you. I saw you drinking my tea in the kitchen one night."

"I'm surprised that you didn't yell at me then-or send me into another dimension," Beast Boy says with a slight chuckle.

"You were too upset, so I decided to let it slide."

"Oh."

I turn to look at my green skinned boyfriend "Garfield, I know that I've said this a lot the past few months, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I started all of this."

Beast Boy looks straight ahead, studying the purple and green sunset. His expression becomes serious. "You didn't start it, Raven." he says. "Mento did."

I am taken aback. "M-mento? Your adoptive father?"

He nods, still staring straight ahead. "The night you saw me drinking your tea I had received a message from him. He told me that Madame Rougue and other members of the Brotherhood of Evil escaped prison. When the Doom Patrol tried to stop them s-she killed Rita-Elasti girl."

I let out a horrified gasp, unable to take my eyes off the changeling. "That's awful."

A silent tear slides down Beast Boy's cheek, followed by another. "M-Mento blames me for her death. He said that if I was a real hero I would've stopped the Brotherhood of Evil permanently. He called me a failure and forbade me from coming to the funeral."

My chest tightens as I feel his pain. I had no idea. This explains why he was so upset that night-not because of Terra. I put my tea cup aside and wrap my arms around him in hopes of being comforting. "I'm so sorry, Garfield. I had no idea."

He sighs wearily, leaning into me. "That's why I was constantly bugging you that week, Raven. I kept telling myself that if I managed to get you to smile I could forget my own pain. When you told me off that day I thought that you'd like me better if I became more serious. Most importantly I could show Mento that he was wrong about me."

Silently I run my fingers though his emerald hair in hopes of being comforting. "It's not your fault what happened to Rita. You know that, right?" He continues to look straight ahead to avoid my intense gaze. I gently take his chin and turn it so that he has no choice by to look at me. "Garfield?" I say softly, but firmly.

At last his eyes meet mine. I visibly flinch seeing the torment in his green irises. "Deep down I know that. It's just, I can't help but feel like if I had been stronger, if I had tried even harder I could've successfully stopped the Brotherhood of Evil. If I had, she would still be alive."

Another painful silence passes between us. Finally Beast Boy speaks, his voice is choked up from the continuous tears that fall down his face. "I d-don't understand what you see in me, Raven. Why do you love me?"

I stay silent for a few minutes, searching for the right words to say. I can feel his turmoil. It's like my ribs are squeezing my chest tight. It hurts me so much to see him so broken. How can I express to him how much he means to me when I have very little experience showing those feelings? Shakily I take a deep breath. "I love you because of the way you make me feel, even when I don't want to. For years I've been denying my feelings and telling myself how annoying you are, how I can't stand your jokes, or your upbeat attitude. But when you changed, my entire world fell apart. I wasn't happy anymore without you being yourself. That was when I began to accept the truth. The truth is, I don't ever want you to change. I love you just the way you are."

His eyes light up a little, but I notice that he still is upset. "If Mento can't see what a brave, selfless, strong hero you are, then it's his loss. You are those things and more. Don't change just to please him. Be whoever you feel comfortable being. And if people try to bring you down, just remember that I love you for you."

"Thanks Raven," Beast Boy says. I notice in relief that the tears have stopped falling from his eyes.

I place a hand on his damp cheek. "You're welcome. And for what it's worth, you're my hero."

Beast Boy smiles back, his adorable fang sticking out. He runs his hand through my long violet hair. "And you are mine."

He leans forward, pressing his lips tenderly against mine. I kiss him back hungrily, my tongue entering his mouth. I explore every inch of his mouth, relishing the taste of him. My heart pounds in my chest. I feel warm as the love flows between us. He's my soulmate and I will never let him go.

"I love you," I whisper.

"And I love you," he responds just as softly.

I lay my head against his chest, closing my eyes. His arms tighten protectively around me. I feel completely content, knowing that nothing is going to tear us apart again.

**Epilogue is coming up next. Stay tuned! **


	12. Epilogue

A/N: Alas we have reached the end of Just The Way You Are. I'm so sad to see it end, but I have to say I'm very happy for the way it turned out. I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my story. And I would especially like to thank my wonderful reviewers, especially: **G-T. Azar****, Allen Blaster, Raizen53, and legoboyaz1**. Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy the epilogue. Let me know what you think and I hope to see you guys in my next work :) Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans Beast Boy and Raven would've gotten together in the original series. I also do not own The Fault in Our Stars. That belongs to John Green.

**Just The Way You Are**

** Epilogue**

** Nearly a year later**

** Garfield**

Times flies when so many positive changes happen in your life. Then when something you've been dreading finally comes, your life stops at a screeching halt. And that's exactly what happened to me.

Life with Raven has been everything I've ever dreamed of-and more. We complete each other in so many ways and our relationship grows stronger each day. I love her with all my heart and know that she loves me. It has taken her time to express herself more, but I have been patient and it has paid off. Now she shows her love to me freely without causing an uproar in the tower. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her.

This week, however, we've been arguing a lot. The argument revolves around on one topic: going to the Doom Patrol and paying my respects to Rita. You see, today marks the one year anniversary of her death. I so badly want to go to her grave, to tell her that I'm okay. But I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of what Mento will do when he sees me. Does he still blame me for Rita's death? Does he still consider me a failure? If so, then how am I going to prove to him that he's wrong? I'm not ready for this confrontation and don't know if I ever will be.

I stare at the door of my bedroom. I feel like it's taunting me, even though it's an inanimate object. How in the hell am I going to go through my normal routine today? Even better question, how can I avoid arguing with Raven? I've worked so hard to be better, yet the same hero that I've always been. If I go back to the Doom Patrol, I might completely fall apart. Then all my hard work will be for nothing.

Taking a deep breath, I turn into a tiny beetle and scurry under the door. All I have to do is make it down the hall and into the kitchen to join the others for breakfast. Maybe I can convince Cyborg to go to the movies with me or something. Anything to get me out of the tower.

"You can't run from me, Garfield," a monotone voice says from behind me, stopping me in my tracks. "We need to talk about this."

I let out a deep sigh and turn back into myself. Reluctantly I turn to face my girlfriend. "We have talked about it and I've made up my mind. I'm _not _going!"

Raven folds her arms, her white cloak covering her black leotard. "Why not? I can feel your emotions and I know how badly you want to go visit Rita's grave. Is your fear of facing Mento what's stopping you?"

I remain silent and turn my head so that I don't have to look at her penetrating stare. The only thing that bothers me about our relationship is that she knows me too well. Sometimes it's like she feels my emotions before I do. It's impossible to hide anything from her.

"You don't need to be afraid," she tells me gently, her voice breaking into the strained silence. "You've stood up to him before. I know that you can do it again."

"That was different," I say in a low voice. "My team was in peril. I-I didn't have time to think about what I was saying."

"Which proves what a great hero you are, Gar," Raven says, placing a hand on my cheek. Her hand is ice cold. Reluctantly I look at her. Even though it's been a year since we've begun dating, it still is an amazing feeling seeing such passionate emotions behind her violet eyes. "You can take charge when you need to without hesitation. I know you can do this."

Her arms wrap around my neck. I pull her close to me. My breathing becomes heavy having her so close to me. I close my eyes as she lays her head on my chest. As usual, I can't stay mad at her for long. Maybe she's right. I know that if I don't do this I will regret it. "You're still willing to come with me, right?"

Her lips meet mine in a short, but tender kiss. Chills run down my back. I feel so good, forgetting all my worries for a wonderful, but brief moment. "Yes. Everything will be okay. I promise." I nod, trying my best to calm my nerves. It isn't easy. Raven pulls away slightly, her arms still wrapped around my neck. "Are you ready?"

I let out a stressed sigh. "Yes. First we need to stop and get some flowers."

**BBRae**

I shiver once we arrived at the Doom Patrol headquarters an hour later. The trip would normally take eight hours since the headquarters is in Michigan, but thanks to Raven's magic it only takes a matter of seconds. The weather is cold and rainy- weather I'm not used to since I've been in Jump City for so long. We're standing in front of the huge mansion that I know so well. The building looks the same as I remember, but is definitely showing its age. The red shingles on the roof are cracked and chipping away. From a distance I can see the cobwebs on the windows. Unlike the homey feeling the headquarters used to give me, the place has a a gloomy feel to it, which saddens me greatly. It would seem that the Doom Patrol hasn't done well since Rita died. I can't help but chuckle lightly, however, as I see the large hole in one of the lower windows. Even after ten years they still haven't repaired it.

"What's so funny?" Raven asks from beside me.

"Before I joined the Doom Patrol I would break in through a hole in the window and vandalize the headquarters."

"Really?" Raven asks in surprise.

"Yeah. I was trying to get their attention in hopes that they would let me join their team," I let out a sigh, my smile fading. "It wasn't until Mento and Rita saved my life that they would take me in."

My heart starts pounding wildly in my chest as all the memories come flooding at me fast, memories of developing my powers, memories of having an actual family and how they make me feel safe and protected. I take a step back as I remember all the times I failed, every time I disappointed Mento or the team. And the worst memory of all: quitting the Doom Patrol because I couldn't take Mento's harsh criticism anymore.

"I-I can't do this," I say fearfully, taking another step back.

Raven grabs my arm gently. She pulls her hood down, the wind blowing through her now short hair. "Yes you can. Just stay strong. I'll be right with you."

It takes a full minute before I can calm my racing heart. I nod mutely. Raven locks her fingers with mine. She gives it a gentle squeeze. Together we walk to the large double doors to gain entrance.

Before I can punch in the secret code that I surprisingly still remember, the dark doors swing open. A tan robot stands in the doorway. "Beast Boy! It's so good to see you! Wow, you must be taller than Negative Man now."

"Hey Robot Man," I say, giving the robot a hug. "It definitely has been a while. I go by Changeling now. You remember Raven?"

"Hi," Raven says in her usual monotone.

"Changeling, huh?" Negative man says, coming up next to the robot. He gives me a quick hug, which I return. He looks the same, except a little more worn. "You'll always be Beast Boy to us. Thanks for coming to visit." He nods in his head in acknowledgment to Raven. "Nice seeing you again, Raven."

"Yeah, sorry that I didn't come sooner," I tell them apologetically. "I had to take care of myself first."

"Don't be sorry," Robot Man says. "It was probably for the best."

My heart sinks, though I shouldn't be surprised. "Mento still blames me?"

Negative Man and Robot Man exchange worried glances with each other, then look at me. "We think that deep down he knows that you are not to blame. But you know how he is," Robot Man says with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah I do. I've always been the scapegoat when something goes wrong. Not anymore. It's time that I finally stood up to him. Besides, I'm long overdue for paying my respects to Rita."

"This way," Negative Man says, motioning us to follow him.

More memories flood me instantly as we walk through the mansion. I feel disheartened when I notice that the inside is much worse than the outside. I cough as the dust enters my lungs. It would seem that it hasn't been cleaned in a while. When we pass by the training room I see the cobwebs on the training equipment. Seeing my former team in such a depressing state saddens me greatly.

"As you can see everything fell apart after Rita died," Robot man says sadly. "The Doom Patrol is no longer the team it once was."

My former teammates lead me to the backyard. Rita's flower garden is nothing like I remember. Most of her flowers are gone. Instead in the middle of the grassy backyard there is a large patch of dirt, rocks forming a border around it. To the side is a black bench, and arch the same color above it. Grey stones lead the way to a large headstone of the same color. Purple orchids are in front of the stone-Rita's favorite flower. I swallow hard, reading the cursive writing on the stone:

_In loving memory of Rita Farr Dayton_

_ Elasti Girl _

"M-Mom," I choke out. I can't take my eyes off the sight. Even though Rita visited me while I was asleep, seeing her memorial makes everything become too real too fast.

"We'll give you some time alone," Robot Man says.

I almost beg them to stay, but at the same time I want to pay my respects by myself. Raven senses my hesitation. "It's okay," she say softly. When I finally gather my courage I traipse to the memorial. Raven doesn't follow. I almost wish she would.

"HEY!" a harsh voice yells from behind me. "You are not welcome here!"

I turn around, even though I really don't need to. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. I force myself to stay strong. It isn't easy. Mento always had the gift of making me feel intimidated without even trying.

Nothing on this Earth can prepare me for what I see when I completely turn around. Mento looks nothing like the man I've known since I was eight years old. He's not wearing his Doom Patrol uniform, but a simple jeans and T-shirt. The clothing almost looks like its too big for him. Even at a distance I can see how worn down he is. His blue eyes have heavy bags under them. Apparently he's taking Rita's death just as hard as I did. The only thing that remains the same since I saw him last is the angry expression on his face. Anger he always directed towards me.

I force myself to stay strong, despite having the hidden desire to run as far away from his wrath as possible. "She's my mother. I have every right to come here and pay my respects."

"RIGHT?! You lost that right when the Brotherhood of Evil escaped from prison! Because of you I lost the most important person in my life. You failed me!"

I squeeze my eyes shut so tight it's painful. Not as painful as the sharp words Mento is throwing at me. I feel as though he's literally stabbing me in the heart. Only when his words fully register in my mind do I finally realize the truth: no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I'll never make Mento proud. I'll never be the son he wants me to be. Why can't I be who he wants me to be? What's wrong with me?

I glance at Raven out of the corner of my eye. She gives me a nod of encouragement, her eyes glowing white in case there is a fight. As I continue to look at her I realize who my true family is. The Titans. They are proud of who I have become in the past year. They care about me for me. It's time for me to finally let go of the past and move forward with my real family.

"I did the very best I could at the time," I whisper, my voice growing louder with every word. "I know that you want me to be perfect, but I can't. I can only be who I am meant to be-and that is a hero who tries his very best." Mento opens his mouth. I continue talking before he can utter a word. "I will always be grateful to you and Rita for taking me off the streets. Rita is my family; Robot man and Negative man are my family; The Titans are my family. They have supported me from the very beginning and continue to support me-even when I was dealing with Rita's death the wrong way. They don't blame me for what happened to her and neither should you. And until you can accept the real me, you are not family to me. I'm going to visit Rita's memorial and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

Mento's face hardens, his blue eyes blazing. I've never seen him so angry. My body falls into a ready stance, ready to fight if necessary. Instead Mento straightens up, gives me one last glare, then storms back into the house.

I let out a huge sigh of relief. My shoulders and chest feel so light- as if boulders of stress have finally been lifted off them. It's an amazing feeling. Yet I feel a small amount of loss. Even though I no longer want him in my life, Mento will always be my father. I make a promise to myself that I will at least be there for Robot Man and Negative Man if they should need me. And if Mento ever wants to repair our bond, I will leave a part of my heart open and give him that opportunity.

I turn my attention back to Rita's memorial. I put Mento out of my mind and give complete attention to my adoptive mother. It's time for me to pay my respects to her at last.

**Raven**

I observe silently as Garfield slowly approaches the headstone. For the first time in almost a year I'm struggling to control my emotions, only because there are so many of them I'm not sure which one to show. I long to show Garfield how proud I am for finally facing his fears and standing up for himself; how in love with him am at this moment. Yet I also feel sadness, for I can feel his pain-not just from losing Rita, but cutting Mento out of his life. I want to show him comfort, but decide that it's best for him to say his goodbye alone.

Garfield falls to his knees in front of the headstone. His gloved hand slowly traces the words etched in it. "I-I'm here, Mother," he says so softly I barely hear him. "I've come."

Gently he places his bouquet of purple orchids in front of the grave. His shoulders are shaking. "I really miss you. I-I want you to know that I'm okay. In fact, I'm better than okay. I'm truly happy." He turns slightly towards my direction, extending his hand. I hesitate for a moment, then take it, kneeling beside him in front of the memorial. "Raven is my girlfriend now. She's helped me through my grief and has made me realize how great love can be. I'm so grateful for the both of you for giving me the strength to conquer my demons at last."

I struggle to find the right words to say. Words that express my sympathy, yet happiness that she's at peace. "I-I'm glad that you are at peace. I'll be good to him. I promise."

Garfield looks at me, his emerald eyes shining with love. "You already are."

I smile back softly. My arms wrap around his shoulders, pulling him close. He leans into me, shutting his eyes. I continue to hold him as he mourns, giving him the love and comfort that he needs. After all, that's what good girlfriends do.

**BBRae**

After dinner the tower has become quiet. Nightwing and Starfire are out bowling, while Cyborg is out on a date with a pretty blonde named Sara. This just leaves Garfield and I alone at the tower. Normally we'd take advantage of being alone together, but today's events have been so emotionally exhausting for the both of us that all we've been doing is sitting on the sofa, sipping tea and enjoying each other's company.

I turn the page of my latest book The Fault in Our Stars. I'm close to the end and am finding the novel quite enjoyable, despite its sad themes. It may sound strange that I'm reading a romance novel, but I've been getting into the genre since Garfield and I started dating. Probably because of my Love emotion.

"Rae," Garfield says tiredly from beside me.

"Hmmm," I respond, tearing my eyes away from my book to look at him. His eyes are halfway open and his expression is sluggish. It looks like he's going to fall asleep any minute.

"Thank you for being with me today. It means the world to me."

I give him a small smile. "Of course. I'll always be there for you, Gar. No matter what."

"I'll always be there for you, too," he kisses my cheek gently, making me feel warm all over. "I love you."

"I love you too."

He settles on the couch, his head resting on my legs, using them as a pillow. I continue to read, my hand running through his emerald hair. I feel completely content. Garfield and I have been through a lot of ups and downs, but I know in my heart that as long as we are together we can conquer anything.

**The End**


End file.
